New T Says I May Not Have Ptsd

[Sandstone]

At my second appointment she wanted to put together a time line. I knew this was the plan, and had reminded myself there were 5 and half things I needed to talk about, but had spent the week carefully not thinking about what they were. I told myself i would just list them off.

She said that if I had PTD I wouldn't have been able to name them without reacting and showing feelings. She suggested I might have trauma not PTSD, but that sounds daft to me - if they aren't evoking a response then they aren't traumas, they are just bad experiences.

I said, and expect, that I won't know what, if anything, I feel until I'm safely at home several days later. I only respond at the time if things come on me unexpectedly, or if they are just too big to handle.

We tried talking about one of the events, but I only had a couple of sentences "I woke to find x happening. I did nothing and waited till it stopped" No associated emotions. If a therapist asks me for some emotions I usually look to see what my body is doing and my feet were moving around a lot and my arms clenched around me. But I don't think it was much more than when listing the 5 and half.

When I left I was quite dazed and out of it, and I've since taken some anti-histamines to increase that.

So, please don't just tell me she's not the one - please discuss the likelihood that she's right. No point in spending all that money if I'm not actually ill.

 

[Eagle3]

Sounds like you had to dissociate in order to talk about it. The emotional numbness, the body language, how you felt afterwards, all indicate a level of dissociation while discussing things you knew had to be discussed. That sounds like PTSD to me...

 

[Sandstone]

But could be me talking myself into having the "right" symptoms that I've read about. Maybe I am using it as an excuse to avoid life

I was just so frustrated because I want to get on with it. I want to be able to go out, do stuff, be glad to see my family.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No, I'd say you may very well be ill.

It is NOT uncommon for someone to be able to waltz into therapy, sit down, and rattle on about their trauma with NO feeling whatsoever. I was COMPLETELY numb to my trauma for 25 years but still had many symptoms of PTSD......all before being diagnosed (the clincher was when my flasbacks went visual as previously they'd all been emotional, as they are again today.)

I know you don't want me to say this, but no, she's not the one. She is quite inexperienced when it comes to trauma. If I were you I'd print out the venn diagram of rational mind/wise mind/emotional mind. The problem is that many of us get stuck in rational mind where there are NO emotions present whatsoever (and I have a feeling that's where you are right now). Others are 100% in emotional mind and that can be just as bad. We don't heal until we move into wise mind where we can FEEL the trauma AND think about it rationally.

The likelihood that she's right? I'd say pretty low, maybe less than 10%.

The likelihood that you're hoping she's right so that you can move back into the realm of denial? I'd say pretty high, over 90%.

You're not going to get well until you face your trauma. Please don't let someone UN diagnose you, especially someone who knows nothing about numbing and dissociation that is prevalent in trauma survivors.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh, and "trauma" isn't defined by your reaction to it. Many people go through traumatic things and aren't affected by them. Would it make any sense to say "oh, that kid was molested but because he isn't showing any emotion about it, then it wasn't traumatic, it was just a bad experience" Heck no! The DSM defines what trauma is, and even if you don't have a bad reaction, its STILL trauma.

 

[circe47]

Non-reactivity can be a symptom. It's called avoidance. What I'm curious about is how you can have half a trauma as in you have five and a half things to talk about?

 

[Sandstone]

The half is the premature still birth of my first child. I'm not sure if it is a trauma or just relates closely to my experience of others - eg pinned down, in pain, disbelieved by authority.

 

[Sandstone]

The likelihood that you're hoping she's right so that you can move back into the realm of denial? I'd say pretty high, over 90%.

No, I don't think I'm hoping she is right. PTSD feels like part of my identity - when it was first diagnosed and I began to research, the things I read made complete sense and explained so much. But I have always had trouble believing that my wholly non-violent abuses and rape were enough to justify that diagnosis. I see descriptions of much worse, and can't see howI can have reacted so badly to so little. But when she said I might not have it I felt my sense of myself attacked

You're not going to get well until you face your trauma.

That is exactly what I went to her for. I know it's the way ahead. I'm determined that I will talk about it. But I've been stuck before by my inability to find some emotions beyond bewilderment that I could be so inadequate.

Would it make any sense to say "oh, that kid was molested but because he isn't showing any emotion about it, then it wasn't traumatic, it was just a bad experience

Well, yes, to me it would. I've been in a car crash that wrote the car off - for many it would have been traumatic, but for me it wasn't, it was just a bad thing that happened.

especially someone who knows nothing about numbing and dissociation that is prevalent in trauma survivors.

I don't think that is the case - she says it may be dissociating at the time that has left me with so little detailed recollection, and the first week she picked up when my mind briefly wandered off elsewhere.

So I think I have to look square on at the possibility she is right - I can't afford to be wedded to a theory that is wrong

 

[Ghostybear73]

I still talk about a traumatic experience with my therapist and at the end he will look at me and I say, "what" and he says, "no emotion at all?". The last time I asked him, "what emotion are you liking for"? He said I would know when it happens.

So, I'm thinking your therapist doesn't have the knowledge or experience to be your therapist.

Take care

 

[WillyKat]

I find it odd that your T would tell you that such and such reactions are necessary when you list your symptoms when one of the symptoms is numbness.

Just plain odd.

It's the same kind of odd I experienced a couple of years ago when "shopping" for a therapist. The one I didn't choose to see again was trying to tell me, after knowing me for 10 minutes, that there may have been a lot of depression before the trauma. She then reiterated that point several times during out first and last session. She was preoccupied with that notion. She had her mind made up. So I went to another therapist.

Therapists aren't perfect and we shouldn't expect them to be. They're human too. But based on what you said, I would have some reservations about yours.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Instead of trying to figure out who is right, I think you need to be figuring out if she can help your process the traumatic things (or bad experiences). The things you have described seem traumatic to me. I think it is often common for people to compare their own traumas to someone else who has "had it worse" and then feel less worthy of our own reactions. I have done it many times with my own traumas. But the fact is that it's our reactions and how it affects our lives that matters and needs to be dealt with. It is what it is no matter whether someone else had it worse in our opinions. Also, I think emotional numbness if quite common. And dissociating during traumas doesn't mean they haven't still affected your life. I hope you can figure out if this therapist can help you.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Hmmmm, you know the more I think about it, this therapist kind of makes me angry. So, what she is saying is that because I can say the words that my brothers beat me, one tried killing me and my mother sold me to many people that often enjoyed military torture methods, to include rape, electrocution, slice and dicing, major burning, watching and being forced into torturing others (I could go on), which has left me scarred beyond belief, without emotion that my therapist is wrong and I don't have ptsd?

Maybe I should ask my team of trauma specialists about that, it appears they f*cked up