New Therapist - Tips & Advice About How To Open Up & Cope?

[Pauline]

Hey guys I have started a new therapist she seems ok and like i can feel safe with her but i miss my old one. I am nervous of my childlike voice (dissociation) coming out in our sessions, I tend to talk like a four year when i get scared and end up talking about how much i love my bear (cuddly toy) I had since my accident happened.

I wanted to open up to her about it but I don't know how without switching, when i come out of my state i become very disturbed its happening more than usual and feel like self harming to help it stop sometimes i know when i switch other times i don't, my mom notices it happens a lot when im with my siblings it makes me really sad and i feel like i don't really want to be around them at the moment or around any of my family except my mom. I am also not sleeping well and finding it hard to be my adult self, can someone please if possible give me some tips and advice on how to cope with this if they can.

Many Thanks
much love

 

[grit]

I am sorry you are struggling with these feelings. I am learning that one of the main block to healing is when we do not align the reality and our feelings.

You are not feeling safe if you are dissociating. Dissociating is not something that happens in happy moments unless that is induced by you willingly.

I do not know if you would feel better if you just acknowledge that therapist is OK and yet you are not feeling safe and both are true rather than fighting the notion.

This does not mean the therapist is causing the unsafety. It is just means, your inner state is not feeling safe and it is not because of the therapist or external or even today's events. it just is.

See if you align these two conflicting things helps. I also find saying to therapist, I do not think it is you but I just do not feel safe now is OK and actually and weirdly healing because you are articulating the real feeling to another person while you are also relating to that person and not projecting or blaming.

I know these are too simple and you probably already know or aware but I find they work for me. Simple is great.

About the harming the self. I am just learning one reason for me (I can only talk about me) that I did not harm myself even though I have had the thoughts over the years is I also acknowledge I am hating myself because I hated someone very important to me who hurt me and I would rather hurt myself than them and therefore that is why I am feeling this way hating them through me. All of sudden for me at least, I find knowing I am punishing so I do not punish or harm others makes me calm down. I have done this so long that it has become a default. Not sure your age but really suicidal and self harm do get better with age, they may not go away 100% but they do get better.

I hope you are here and do not hurt yourself at expense of someone else who hurt you in the past. You were hurt. You are good human being who deserve to be here. I am sorry this happened to you. Humanity is cruel.

I hope this moment passes and you are still here tomorrow.

 

[Pauline]

Thank you so much for this and for taking the time to care about me and write back self harm I haven't done in a year I do it because sometimes it soothes and gets me out of dissociation I feel like sometimes I need to see the pain on my skin like because i went through my trauma alone it also helps a a lot, I feel like I was sexually abused as a kid but I've also had a lot of medical trauma so I don't want to jump to conclusions anyways thankyou for supporting me and taking the time X

 

[Missycat]

Hey @Pauline , well done for sharing. Could you email your t or write down what you want to say / your worries and concerns. This will allow her to understand and will hopefully avoid you dissociating.
I have worked with my t a long time and i will still email her anything i find too difficult to say , she will then ask me questions, it helps her understand what i am struggling with and she can support me to work on the dissociation.
I wish you all the best .