Hey PTSD forum, I'm SOOOOO relieved I found you. My husband suffers with chronic PTSD not that that "chronic" makes a difference, PTSD is PTSD). I feel the need to find some kind of support for myself as a carer. Unless you have another carer of a PTSD sufferer there is no one who you can really talk to for support. My family thinks my husband needs to "get over it and move on" and that he is ruining my life, they hate him so they will say anything negative about him (which puts me in the middle).
Here is my/our story:
My husband and I were high school sweet hearts and dated for 3 years, married young. As soon as he could become a cadet in law enforcement and then enter into the 6 month academy he did. We were married 6 months when he went into the 6 month academy. About 2 months after he graduated the academy and was out on his own I started to notice a different with him. I thought it was the "typical cop" and just dealing with things that come with the job. He had a horrible attitude, was cocky, didn't care about other's feelings toward him, and his actions/emotions toward me and everything/everyone else seems to had gone cold. He just continued on this path (all the while I was thinking it was all normal or typical). He changed 180 degrees. This was SO hard for me.
So, during the next few years of our marriage I started to really not like him (putting it nicely), resented his coldness/attitudes, drinking, and soon became independent of him, just lived with him. Then baby came, nothing changed too much toward me or the world but he did care very much about our daughter (he was the best Dad from the beginning and still is to this day). I thank God for this. We just continued to grow apart even with a couple of talks about how desperate I was, how much I miss "the man I fell in love with." He'd try at first then went "back to normal" after a week.
Thanks to his employer (not giving cost of living raises, etc) and the economy we had to move out of our house and rent it out (in order to keep it). We moved with his parents (I'm one of those people who actually get along with their in-laws). But going from a single family home, with a 100 pound dog, daughter and the two of us into another's house and let alone basement, was hard but relieving. I thought the stress off of my husband financially would help him, but it didn't.
One night when he was drunk a year and a half ago he was explaining some symptoms he had apparently for 5 years! It scared THE CRAP out of me but I didn't show this to him because clearly he wasn't thinking rationally and he needed me to be strong for him and us as a family. So the next day I did some research and had the intuition it was PTSD. At first he didn't want any information or to do anything about it but I forced him to go see a doctor. He was a great husband and father and sought help from a psychologist that said no doubt, hand up it was PTSD. His employer found out about his symptoms and he was put on administrative/medical leave for a year and half now on 2/3rds pay (meanwhile secondary part-time employment that is in no way tied to law enforcement work has been denied-this was needed to stay in the black financially for us). He was told he might as well file for retirement. Well it's been close to a year and a half and it looks like the light might be at the end of the tunnel in another two months or so. *Such a sign of relief just having a time frame of when this hell (waiting, not hearing anything, financial issues, living in a basement, etc) will end.*
He isn't seeking treatment now for some reason. He is depressed, gets angry so easily, temperamental, focuses on football and music (that is one thing he abandoned for years that he was VERY passionate about). I work part-time and he since he can't work he is the one to care for our daughter full-time. As I stated earlier, he is a wonderful Daddy, even through all of this. I feel like I'm the one taking the brunt of everything. He has become so passive that everything is up to me (other then taking care of our daughter when I'm gone at work). He treats me like I just annoy him all the time, is short with me, and is only given any kind of emotion when his needs need to be met. This of course hurts me very much. From time to time he will seem to come to his senses and say how thankful he is that I've been by his side through all of this and that he knows no one else would have stuck with him this long.
I do see a counsellor once a week to deal with life. She made me realise that what I thought was anger/resentment for years toward his behaviour is actually be grieving the man I feel in love with. Anyone else experience this?
Thanks for taking time to read my story, I love him but it's to the point I'm not going to deal with the way he treats me for the rest of our lives. When do you know it's actually PTSD or just him taking advantage? *sigh* I pray for things between us, that we can find a middle ground and that God give me the strength and wisdom to deal. God provides but it's still hard.
Here is my/our story:
My husband and I were high school sweet hearts and dated for 3 years, married young. As soon as he could become a cadet in law enforcement and then enter into the 6 month academy he did. We were married 6 months when he went into the 6 month academy. About 2 months after he graduated the academy and was out on his own I started to notice a different with him. I thought it was the "typical cop" and just dealing with things that come with the job. He had a horrible attitude, was cocky, didn't care about other's feelings toward him, and his actions/emotions toward me and everything/everyone else seems to had gone cold. He just continued on this path (all the while I was thinking it was all normal or typical). He changed 180 degrees. This was SO hard for me.
So, during the next few years of our marriage I started to really not like him (putting it nicely), resented his coldness/attitudes, drinking, and soon became independent of him, just lived with him. Then baby came, nothing changed too much toward me or the world but he did care very much about our daughter (he was the best Dad from the beginning and still is to this day). I thank God for this. We just continued to grow apart even with a couple of talks about how desperate I was, how much I miss "the man I fell in love with." He'd try at first then went "back to normal" after a week.
Thanks to his employer (not giving cost of living raises, etc) and the economy we had to move out of our house and rent it out (in order to keep it). We moved with his parents (I'm one of those people who actually get along with their in-laws). But going from a single family home, with a 100 pound dog, daughter and the two of us into another's house and let alone basement, was hard but relieving. I thought the stress off of my husband financially would help him, but it didn't.
One night when he was drunk a year and a half ago he was explaining some symptoms he had apparently for 5 years! It scared THE CRAP out of me but I didn't show this to him because clearly he wasn't thinking rationally and he needed me to be strong for him and us as a family. So the next day I did some research and had the intuition it was PTSD. At first he didn't want any information or to do anything about it but I forced him to go see a doctor. He was a great husband and father and sought help from a psychologist that said no doubt, hand up it was PTSD. His employer found out about his symptoms and he was put on administrative/medical leave for a year and half now on 2/3rds pay (meanwhile secondary part-time employment that is in no way tied to law enforcement work has been denied-this was needed to stay in the black financially for us). He was told he might as well file for retirement. Well it's been close to a year and a half and it looks like the light might be at the end of the tunnel in another two months or so. *Such a sign of relief just having a time frame of when this hell (waiting, not hearing anything, financial issues, living in a basement, etc) will end.*
He isn't seeking treatment now for some reason. He is depressed, gets angry so easily, temperamental, focuses on football and music (that is one thing he abandoned for years that he was VERY passionate about). I work part-time and he since he can't work he is the one to care for our daughter full-time. As I stated earlier, he is a wonderful Daddy, even through all of this. I feel like I'm the one taking the brunt of everything. He has become so passive that everything is up to me (other then taking care of our daughter when I'm gone at work). He treats me like I just annoy him all the time, is short with me, and is only given any kind of emotion when his needs need to be met. This of course hurts me very much. From time to time he will seem to come to his senses and say how thankful he is that I've been by his side through all of this and that he knows no one else would have stuck with him this long.
I do see a counsellor once a week to deal with life. She made me realise that what I thought was anger/resentment for years toward his behaviour is actually be grieving the man I feel in love with. Anyone else experience this?
Thanks for taking time to read my story, I love him but it's to the point I'm not going to deal with the way he treats me for the rest of our lives. When do you know it's actually PTSD or just him taking advantage? *sigh* I pray for things between us, that we can find a middle ground and that God give me the strength and wisdom to deal. God provides but it's still hard.
