Sufferer New To Ptsd And On My Way To A Divorce

[Dwayne]

Hello there. My name is Dwayne I'm 40 and have been suffering with Link Removedand Link Removed for years. I have been on a few different medications. I finally got to a stable point with my meds and then my life fell apart. My wife of 10 years told me she not "in love" with me any more, and wants a divorce. She filed the papers this last Friday. Our relationship hasn't been great for years. We had a girl she is 8. I had knee surgery in August and after that I lost myself. I pushed her away so far because I was lost. I had no idea what I was doing. From November to December is a blur. I started getting and having nightmares, Night sweats, emotional outbursts, fear, anxiety, deep depression. I left her at the house alone thinking it was the right thing to do even told her I wanted a divorce and gave her my ring back. But somewhere down the road in January I snapped out of it. But by then it was too late she had already excepted it. I've been working myself going to counseling I found some medication it's been working and I was hoping to save the marriage but I'm too late. Well my days are number now. So I told her "Since my days are numbered is might start hating me but now I going to try hard to not make it happen and try to save this marriage." We live under the same roof for now separate bedrooms it kills me I just want to hold her, I'm in love with her she is my soulmate. I've screwed up she does understand that I have PTSD but I hurt her so much I can't take it back. She goes to counseling also and has told me that she was trying to talk yourself out of it but just couldn't. She had a bad childhood growing up she was molested by her older brother so that doesn't help. I have support I feel like I'm on the right path I just want to save this marriage. She's never been greedy there's nothing I can buy that would impress her. Obviously going back to the way we were didn't work we both know that. We talked about couple counseling but she is so far gone from being in love with me she feels it would work. We get along she has even help me a lot when some of my triggers act up she knows now it's not me just being selfish are mean on purpose and she helps call me down. Actions speak louder than words and money in this case I would love some ideas on how to save this. Thank you for reading thank you for any advice.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[darrenS]

my first suggestion would be to let her go in some ways and really put that energy on yourself. Im sure you may understand that when someone loves you and you cant reciprocate , it becomes a never ending stress. Let it fall back into a friendship and just try and enjoy each other as individuals , enjoy a laugh when possible, share thoughts and feelings but keep them in check so you dont set yourself up. I am /was in a similar situation, and the more i wanted it , the less likely it became i was going to get it. We are good friends, and have become even better friends , she is very much aware of my c-ptsd and has helped me enormously when in reality she owed me nothing.

I still see her daily as i am always heavily involved in my kids lives , and we both share the common view that our children are the most important regardless of where our relationship is. She has been there for me through some pretty tough times lately and im grateful for that , and ive kind of accepted thats the way it may be. She has moved on in many ways, but at the same she is still there for me , i cannot ask for more and only time will tell what the outcome may be. For a long time i was frustrated by it and in many ways triggered by it as well , thankfully over time the triggers have become less and i have been able to make a lot of changes for myself regardless of my relationship status. I have found that letting go and just letting be without fear or angst has made an incredible difference.

i am also very much aware that my c-ptsd and the pain of being alone may be a unhealthy driver and maybe i want what i want is out of fear and not love, love could not survive in such a suffocating environment. Let go . work on yourself , find things that complete you and you alone , make yourself a better and more stable person and who knows what will happen.

 

[WildMermaid]

@darrenS has some very solid advice! @Dwayne welcome to the group! I hope being here is conducive to your healing. :)

 

[Nighthawk]

Welocome:)

 

[intothelight]

@Dwayne Welcome to the forum!

From what you wrote, there is a lot going on with both of you. The only thing you can change is yourself and at this point just focus on getting better. Your daughter deserves healthy parents regardless if the two of you remain married or not.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome, @Dwayne - I want to echo what @intothelight said: sometimes you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of anything else. Actually, probably not just sometimes. I hope the forum helps you!

 

[Dwayne]

Thank you all for the reply's. Update is that she has let some of her walls down so we can slowly work in things. Yes I am happy about that and scared also. I do not want to mess up this last chance. One day at a time for both of us. Starting to get some positive feelings back in my head and it is feeling great. I just can not forget I have triggers and I need to make sure I do not push her away when they happen, but let her know when they are happing.

 

[Nighthawk]

Welcome :)

 

[DarkSideOfTheSoul]

@Dwayne Welcome :)