Relationship New To Relationship And Ptsd

[Ali]

You're off to a great start. Good news that he texted you :)! With his therapy he can be working on these kinds of skills and on having the ability to follow through with you.
Happy reading.

.... and 2 more texts tonight. thx 4 space lus (love you sweets) and 2 hours later simply 831.. another for I love you. I responded to the second one.' I know...and I love you too' I did not want to ignore. I didnt want him to think I turned my back. I was hoping it (text)was good news also!! Plus he has his son this weekend which, like I posted earlier, is his world!!
I know tomorrow things won't be the same, but am I wrong in possibly thinking he has reached the bottom and is now starting the long climb back up?

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi (((((((Ali)))))))))))

These are good signs, Hon!
You're doing great...

With love and caring,
Deer

 

[seedling]

The bottom of it this time maybe? The bottom of many more bottoms to come. As well as many more ups.

 

[Ali]

Yes, Seedling~ This time! I guess I was expecting a month long isolation and just hoping for it to be shorter. Just a simple 'morning' this morning. Nothing else so far today, and I was wrong about him having his son this weekend. I am not sure if that is good or bad for him. I am trying to be so very patient, and reading and educating myself the best I can until there comes a time we can talk again. Thanks for putting up with me

~Ali~

 

[Ali]

Thanks again for the support guys... I want to be strong~ but I am not. I am not mad, but heartbroken and confused. Nothing since early yesterday morning. I am driving myself insane checking my phone every 3 minutes. I don't want out, just want to know he is alive!! (no never suicidal thoughts!) Just needed to vent. There is more, but I can't right now. Thanks again

 

[seedling]

Here is the place we all "put up with" each other. We all get it. Hang in there. You know from others' posts and stories that you are not alone.
Take care.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

((((((((Ali)))))))))

Giving him space, doesn't mean you spend that time suffering; anxiously pacing and checking your phone.
You're breaking my heart, Hon!

Please list at least 20 things you love to do, and try to do at least 3 of them today, starting now...
and do NOT check your cellphone until 2 hours before bedtime. (After that, no more cellphone checks until after a nourishing breakfast.) Bedtime is Ali comforting time. You can take a relaxing bath, put on favorite music, do something incredibly nice for yourself, and snuggle down into bed, for you. You need the self-care, the nurturing, the peace... the comfort and healing...

I'll start with some neat things:
(I don't know what time zone you're in, but...)

Going to get a nice haircut
Buying yourself a beautiful bunch of flowers or flowering plant that you can nurture
A walk outside, breathing the fresh air, enjoying any nature you discover out there
Amethist has great aromatherapy ideas!
Petting an animal
Listening to favorite music
Calling a friend
Chocolate
Watching a funny movie, in your pajamas

Your turn :) :



with all my love,
Deer

 

[Ali]

DIH... I immediately started crying with your response. That was 2 hours ago. After 3 in the afternoon. I got in the shower and brushed my teeth, that's a start right? Easy enough to also think its a rainy Sunday. I have decided my children and I are going out to dinner tonight. We haven't had Chinese in a while.
I am so tempted to call his mom, but wont!!! I just want to know how long the isolation usually lasts. If its usually 2 weeks, fine! I can handle that. If its a month.. again FINE!!! The not knowing is the torture!! I have never had a real answer to the question of how long does it last. I know there is no definite answer and it varies. But does it generally lasts the same amount of time?
Ok.. I am leaving now to enjoy some awesome egg rolls and General Tsaos spicy chicken. I am sure I will be back.
Deer~ You have a special gift sweetie! Seedling.. You are a lot like me (I think) Kinda blunt? I like it!!!
Thanks~ And about the phone... I NEVER turn my phone off! I have my issues too! lol My father was very sick with a bad heart.. I slept for 2 years with my cell and my home phone on! 1 week before Christmas in 2009 I got the phone call my dad had 2 heart attacks. He survived having triple bypass on Christmas Eve. I still slept with my phones on. Then on June 7th I got the call that I had been dreading for over 2 years. So... the phone off thing? Never going to happen... but I have stopped checking it. I know it is working~ the phone is only 2 weeks old.
I will check back in later. ~trying to smile

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry Ali, try to do it a different way- for yourself. I understand, -I dread phone calls, and my heart is always in my throat. But how silly that one call could be 'great', another heart-devastating. [I also spent about 2+ years (maybe it was 5?, lol

] sleeping in clothes overnight- no PJ's- in case I had to jump up).

Please keep reading, and hugs + + to you.

 

[Ali]

Dinner with the kiddos was great.. we even danced in the rain

. I would also like to add he sent me 3 texts tonight. I hope I did right. First text received was simple Lus. I responded back a little long winded. Me 2! trying to give u space.. havent 4gotten, idk how much is 2 much or 2 little. he responded thx u i sent nothing back and he sent another lus. I left it at that. The next time has to be easier... I pray I will have my questions answered and boundaries set up.
I do care what happened, but I don't have to know. What I feel I need to know are his triggers. And the boundary thing.. I can give him space, but I am selfish.. I need to hear from him once a day..and of course honesty, honesty, honesty!! Is once a day too much to ask for? *no sarcasm meant in that question.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

You did beautifully, Ali!!!!!!

I love you, and my heart aches that you are in such turmoil and distress!

I'm so proud of you for getting out, treating your beautiful children and yourself, and even dancing in the rain

!!!

Keep focused on you and your children; this is where your energy and attention needs to be, no matter how much you love him or hope for the future. You always need to take care of you and your beautiful spirit, and no relationship must pull your focus away from your children - you're their world! You cannot allow PTSD to distract or deplete you. That is a most important boundary!

I'm so proud of you for what you were able to do tonight!
That is the way, love and play with your children, great food... to dance in the rain!

I hope you and your children are fast asleep... and if you're awake in the middle of the night, it's time to gently tuck yourself back into bed for a peaceful night's sleep.

Sending love and hugs ((((((((Ali))))))))))),
Deer

 

[seedling]

Ali, this has got to be the hardest thing. You are at the most exciting time of a relationship and he is crashing.
I recently heard something about the effects of falling in love on the brain, things it turns on and off. Made me think of what it might do to a person with PTSD. I think it may let down the walls and anesthetize it all for a time. Then as the relationship moves forward the PTSD reasserts itself and the fear, anxiety etc.. comes flooding back in. The person then finds themselves close to someone and unsure if it's "safe" (from an emotional/feeling standpoint, not a thinking/rational one). Then the guilt for shutting down etc...

I let down my guard with my therapist late last summer and am just now thinking that I could (maybe) let him really in again. I wasn't prepared for the feelings that cut loose when I let myself be "seen" like that. It's a nasty, toxic thing this PTSD.

I know that when I feel "normal" and good I also get the feeling that it's never coming back, that "how could I be that weird way ever again?"

Once a day is not too much to ask but it may not be what you get (sorry, eek, that hurts). It seems like he is really trying hard to stay in touch. It may end up being like you have to "wait for him" as he works on it.

Mmm, Chinese, making me hungry.