New To Ssa

[Venator]

Hello Everyone

I just signed up for the main PTSD forum yesterday, and just heard about the Sexual Abuse forum today. I was sexually abused for about three years, though I'd known the man for a year before that. I held my secret in for three years after that, and subsequently developed (C)PTSD.

I plan on sharing my story in the appropriate forum, but it's nice to be here. I had a friend and roommate that diminished my feelings, told me to just get over it... we aren't friends anymore. My boyfriend has PTSD from combat and automobile accidents. Sometimes it's a challenge but we both love and support each other.

I'm going through a hard time with it right now and I've been out of therapy for 8 months. My pride always makes me cancel my appointments or avoid going in. Avoid facing the pain.

I'm tired of these cycles. I want to heal.

 

[Muzikluvr]

Welcome Venator! :wave:

Glad you found us. Sounds like you are pretty tough, dumping toxic friends can be difficult sometimes. :applause: Good job!

2 PTSD in a relationship sounds difficult,:insane: but there are others on the PTSD forum and here who are doing it. It sounds like you pull together and that's important! ;)

:devil:Pride can be quite a downfall sometimes... but, how do we survive :angel:without it?

 

[Venator]

I must swallow my pride so I can get better. Or at least use it in a way that is not toxic to me.

Thanks for the warm welcome. I've been posting my long winded story... keep having to take breaks. It's hard to think about without the rage consuming me.

 

[Lucycat]

Welcome Venator!:hug:

 

[fairydust]

Welcome:)

 

[Lsquaredw]

All I can say is that your story is creepily similar to mine. It gave me chills actually. It probably isn't the same at all, but the way you worded it, it sounded very similar.

And welcome to the forum! :)

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Venator

Welcome to the forum.

I'm going through a hard time with it right now and I've been out of therapy for 8 months. My pride always makes me cancel my appointments or avoid going in. Avoid facing the pain.

I'm tired of these cycles. I want to heal.

Break the cycle, and go to your therapy sessions :eek:. It's hard, I know. The pain is hard. But you must face your past in order to heal. Take breaks if you need to, look after yourself between sessions, but keep on fighting (that's not literal, in response to your rage comments :p) It will be worth the heartache in the end.

 

[Venator]

All I can say is that your story is creepily similar to mine. It gave me chills actually. It probably isn't the same at all, but the way you worded it, it sounded very similar.

And welcome to the forum! :)

We all seem to relate to one another in some way. While the details of our stories may be different, we still share the same feelings of confusion, having something taken from us - time robbed of us as it were.

Thank you everyone for your welcomse.

@cherryblossom: I made an appointment, she can't see me until July 11th so I'm just trying to do some sort of therapy by telling my story on here and cogitating on the memories until then. I have poor coping skills. I've recently removed a coping mechanism, because I tend to be a binge eater - so not having that to fall back on has made me feel kind of anxious and ruffled.

 

[cherryblossom]

Well done for making the appointment. In the mean time lots of distraction by doing things you enjoy. Trying to keep busy and active should help. Walks, exercise, music, films, meeting friends, relaxation, yoga, etc etc, endless possibilities, and of course the forum ;)

 

[leanne1321]

Hi Venator,

Sorry I haven't said Hi before now. Welcome to the forum.

For your appointments, just book loads in one go, same time every week if you can, that's what I do.

 

[Venator]

Well done for making the appointment. In the mean time lots of distraction by doing things you enjoy. Trying to keep busy and active should help. Walks, exercise, music, films, meeting friends, relaxation, yoga, etc etc, endless possibilities, and of course the forum ;)

Yes definitely. I think this is why I'm slipping so terribly. I recently finished my first year of art school with a 3.3 which is an accomplishment in itself - I've a history of academic probation for years at community college. It is a high stress, high demand, high workload school - 10 classes per week, all of them drawing assignments or painting assignments. I was constantly busy, constantly had something to focus on and do.

Toward the end of the year I lost my grip and started dissociating. I had a flashback in the middle of class, can't remember why - I ended up in the bathroom slamming myself against the partition of the stall. Most likely just the stress of having so many pages due combined with the stress of having to rid myself of a toxic roommate that was there with me and an awkward situation with 2 new friends. I'll tell that story sometime.

Anyway, after school ended I suddenly found myself back home - my school friends all back at their homes, either near the school (2 hours away) or out of state to Massachusetts, California, Nevada... I started to feel dangerously clingy to my boyfriend again. I had no more work to distract me from my problems - no more 'environment to thrive in' and I feel lost in it.

Sometimes it's hard for me to work. Sometimes it's hard to get my artwork started. It's not artist's block, it's very different. I have a plan - thumbnails, preliminary sketches, a huge reference library - and I lock up, I become extremely fearful. This used to be worse in 2007. I didn't draw for almost 2 years because I was too scared of 'defiling' my paper. I also have issues in the middle of drawing. Every time I encounter a big drawing problem (off perspective etc) I beat myself up and berate myself for not knowing what to do and lock up and get fearful and often space out into dissociative states

 

[cherryblossom]

Wow - how exciting, we have an artist in our midst :D If you ever want to share anything in our creativity thread, we'd love to see your work (but equally, no pressure, totally understand if you don't want to share).

Art is clearly your love and your life, but perhaps you could also consider other pursuits, to relax, when you are beating yourself up over a drawing problem. - I have no idea if that would work for you it's just a thought :thinking: