Other New To The Forum, Seeking An Open Door.

[Velvettte]

Hi all,

I am NOT a sufferer of PTSD, rather I am a psychologist working within a military organisation with at least 80% of my clients being treated for trauma related issues. I am also doing a doctorate with a focus on the experience of PTSD within families, where at least one parent has been diagnosed with PTSD. Rather than taking the well-researched path of 'impact of PTSD' - I want to learn more through eventually a qualitative study (interview based).

ANYway: I stumbled across this forum and thought this may be a good community to become familiar with. I don't have a specific research project yet as I am still in the 'ideas' stage, however I am really interested in how much information sufferers share with their partners and children about their disorder.

As for my participation here :).... well I think for the moment I will just pull up a chair and chat a bit, support or listen as needed.

 

[Smushroom]

Welcome!

Not sure if you are looking for answers as yet, but thought I would just mention, no one knows about my PTSD, neither my parents nor my (almost non-existent) friends. Only my Dr and psychologist know. And my friends here, because here is safe :) I'm still too embarassed to admit it to anyone. Part of that is fear that my parents will find out and then want to know what the trauma/ traumas were, and that would split the family apart. Something I'm not willing to do.

I'm also currently studying psychology, and my idea was to go down the path of working with veterans/families living with veterans. For the past 5 years I have worked in 2 companies that have very close ties with the armed forces, so I guess this is where my interest has come from, as no one in my family has served. Although my father does have PTSD from non military related trauma.

 

[ezmover]

Hi Velvette ---I'm new too.Welcome:)

I stumbled upon this site in my seemingly never ending search to diagnose my own problem. I've had at least a dozen doctors tell me I'm fine, but after dealing with this for....decades I know that's just not correct.

From what I can understand, PTSD is a given, but I haven't let that slow me down much until about 3 years ago.Sleeping has gradually gone from 30 hours a week, to about 20 & about 4 months ago went down to 10-12/week.For about a month--maybe more I'm down to 7/8 hours a week...maybe less----Time, i.e. days,weeks,months,years are getting harder to keep track of--Actually everything,no matter how mundane, is getting to feel almost impossible.

I'll go 2,3 days wide awake & finally fall asleep for 2 hours & then go another 2 days wide awake.That started last fall.That must sound crazy to some because even as I write this is sounds crazy to me.For several week now I've been able to sleep almost every day-for 45 minutes to an hour & always at nearly daybreak.I'll wake up feeling very well rested, but in my mind-I know better.This will go on for 4 or 5 days at which point I feel......Yes, exhausted, but a bit nuts too.

I'm under the "Care" of 3 doctors & none of them seem to think this is a problem. I've tried to get them all to understand this is a very big problem from where I'm sitting. I'm at the point now where I feel like they are annoyed with me and just want me to go away.They just don't get it-I've always avoided doctors & wouldn't be bothering them unless...as a last resort.......like everything else I'm running out of typing steam.

Anyone else had or heard of this kind of problem?I haven't & sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who lives like this.That can't be right......

 

[therapybankrupt]

Welcome to the forum Velvette!

 

[HighwayToHell]

Hello Velvette - I am not a parent, or in a living-with-a-parent situation, but would like to comment nonetheless.

Unlike my fellow sufferer Smushroom, I am a PTSD of a type that can't hide mine, no matter how much I want to. I can hide the drinking (up to a point), and lie about how much medication I am taking, use the remarkably clean mental compartmentalisation between my PTSD self and other self to live an emotional double life of the Jeckyl and Hyde I truly am- but there is one thing I cannot, never have and doubt I ever will be able to hide.

The rage. The pure, unadulterated, seeing red, can't breath, so-angry-I-slur-and-mash-my-words level of anger and rage that can literally kill you. Or someone else.

If I overmedicate for any reason more than any other, that is it. It terrifies me. It is like a wild predator I am locked in a cage with, who hasn't been fed for 3 days. It is like waking up and finding a panther standing on top of you, its powerful jaws already around your throat, ready to tear you apart. It is a terrible, purple, violent thing. I cannot imagine what living with a parent who has it must do to the psyche of a small child.

As Ezmover said, Drs often do not have a clue. I know it is a very difficult condition to properly diagnose and I know it is even harder to treat, but really, come on guys. Some more sound, objective research is well overdue and I wish you the best of luck with it.

Make no mistake. Suffering from PTSD (whether sufferer, carer, partner, sympathiser or whatever) is a genuinely life-threatening, dangerous thing to live with and any inroads you make that can help protect children from it, has to be a good, good thing.

 

[HighwayToHell]

You want to see what impact PTSD has on families and relationships?
Just take a look at the two new threads on the Home page right above yours - started by two partners of PTSD's.

 

[Deleted member 19035]

Hello and welcome. My princess who suffers PTSD is in hospital. She only let a very select few know about it. Me and people on here, one close friend and an ex friend are the only people who know. Everyone else thinks she is ill but they know nothing of her background or condition. Princess will not meet with others as she is too easily triggered. This would give the game away. She will chat to her many friends on the phone. However, she puts the 'brave face' on and pretends like she only has the flu/chest infection. Our children know that she is unwell but I do not think they will ever know the whole truth. Princess wants others to see her, not her past.

I hope this helps. Good luck with your studies.

 

[ezmover]

HTH,Everything I read in your first post....virtually every word could have been written by me 8 or 10 years ago.I got past most of that, but I've had to isolate myself to do it.

Thanks for sharing.You are not alone.

 

[HighwayToHell]

Thanks Ezmover - I really appreciated you saying that.

 

[Velvettte]

So firstly, thankyou all for the welcome :)

HighwayToHell, you sound like you are still very much grappling with where you are at the moment, and I know that is a really hard place to be. Thank you for sharing, I really liked the very visually descriptive paragraph around over medicating, and I imagine writing is a medium you are really comfortable with. Written expression of trauma can be a really useful tool when paired with arousal reduction techniques.

Fuzzybear, I bet its hard to be standing on the outside looking in at the person you love hurting in a way you can't change or stop. I really empathise with partners who are the 'rocks' in the relationship... carrying the load when the other person just can't.

I think this is the reason why I am so interested in this field. There is growing evidence that treatment that involves the partners and indeed families is more likely to be successful and have better long term outcomes, but there seem to be so many self imposed barriers to disclosing what is going on to family members.

Ezmover - staying awake for days at a time does not sound normal to me, and makes me wonder if it is PTSD, sleep disorder, bipolar, something else entirely or a combination- very hard to tell when just looking at sleep as a symptom. (BTW ptsd is not necessarily a given after the event of a trauma - not everyone develops it...).....However irrespective of 'what' describes you best, a lack of sleep on its own is enough to send anyone loopy - so I certainly wouldn't settle for a doctor being 'unconcerned' about it. Hope you do get some answers
:geek:
Velvettte

 

[HighwayToHell]

Self imposed barriers against disclosure to family members....???

No doubt many of your interviewees will tell you, often making any progress means NOT maintaining contact with the family, and in a lot of cases the family is the source of the trauma.

So how come no one ever refers to this "self imposed barrier" as being "a family afflicted protection mechanism"???

 

[Rumors]

Welcome Velvette. I hope you find all the information you are seeking and any extra knowledge that would help those suffering find some peace.

I can only say that I haven't shared my diagnosis with anyone in my family or any friends. I am sure it has to do with guilt, shame, embarrassment, trust, etc. Perhaps that is just an individual reason and others are different, I am not sure, however, there seems to be a wide range of experiences and information here that is helpful. ;)

Good luck on your journey!