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[mikefish]

Hey guys,
I am new here and was just hoping to read a little and talk to others from time to time. its nice to see that there are places like this to help. a little background info, i am in the army awaiting a medical discharge. been in almost 9 years as a medic and have a few deployments. the deployments themselves were a little tough but the tempo was always high and we were always out so i guess i never had the time to really think and process what was going on. my last deployment was in 2010 and after i got back i moved to a clinic and lived the "good life". thats when i started having real problems. dreams, anxiety, drinking, fighting with my wife, and depression. i couldnt find a reason to get up every day and i attempted suicide and obviously failed and that created more anger and self hate. i hated that all i could think about was mutilated bodies and blown up children that i could do nothing for (medic). i hated myself. i lived like this silently for a couple years but attempted to go to counseling a few times, never going back. i didnt like feeling weak. all of my infantry brothers seemed fine and i was the one who felt like crap. my wife really started to pressure me to get help and to be honest i dont want any. i feel like the symptoms have lightened up to a manageable level and i can just go on with my life. the military groups seem more like a gripe session and i dont get any real advise or help. the doctors only want to give me meds that make me feel worse so i dont take anything anymore. have any of you gone through similar times? i still dont talk about deployments and i get upset just writing this and thinking about it. maybe i am just sensitive. did any of you feel better after getting out? i know that is just avoidance but i really feel like a normal life will do me good. thanks for listening.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome mikefish - qiute a few doc's on this forum and some who did time in the sandbox as well.

Yup, that's what happens alright! Once in the thick of it, a little calm brings the whole world of yesterday right down on you. There are Nam vets here like myself who bobbed and weaved the beast for close to 45 years, self-medicating and ruining relationships, losing jobs and doing institutional time along the way. The good news is that you dealing with it early.

Lots of good reading on this forum so dig in, feel free to ask questions. There is a broad range of veterans from around the world dealing with the same stuff. Glad you made it back!

Ba

 

[Lurch]

Mikefish, you are not sensitive. After I had my melt down (at work), it has taken me 2 years to be comfortable talking about it. My wife resented the fact that it was easier to talk with others that have been deployed then it was with her. With counseling, I have been able to discuss my feelings and moods with her. This has strengthened our relationship and made it easier for her to understand me.

There aregreat explanations for PTSD out there. Take your time understanding them and getting to the point of accepting them. A good therapist we are not, but we are a good sounding board. When you decide to seek professional help (hopefully soon), accept that it will take time to find a therapist that matches you. Not everyone will work for you and not every application will work. We are individuals and need to be treated as such. Look for one that is experienced in dealing with combat PTSD and not just PTSD. Ours is significantly different, usually due to the graphic nature and the prolong exposure.

Take one day at a time and do not get ahead of your self. I have and I have had to go back a few squares and start again.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Welcome mikefish!!!! Old Nam vet here. Ba pretty much covered it!!!!!

J R

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome Mike, if you have any direct questions, just ask.

 

[woodsie]

Hi mikefish,
This is a good place for info, venting and just some real solid people all trying to side step everything that goes along with close encounters of the dead kind. Hell 2wks ago I was wearing yellow scrubs and sitting on a blue rubber couch talking to a Dr. Shores about how I was going to kill myself. Got a med switch came on here talked it out and tahdah.

Once again, really great bunch here and welcome.

 

[CAFTT0607]

Welcome

 

[Spock]

Welcome Mike!

 

[bemental]

Greetings mike, welcome aboard.

 

[vikingr12]

You are singing my song, Mikefish. I was combat rescue but worked the clinic when I was not in the field. When you said you were too busy to process it, I saw that movie. And I watched it for years and never said anything. They taught you "detachment" too, didn't they?

But the animal got out and I have been hussling ever since. Do not underestimate that beast. And you are not crazy. You are a normal person who went through an abnormal experience. We all let our pants down here now and then. And it's not as if you have to pay dues.

Some quickies: keep the wife. Treat her right despite your anger issues. She will be solid gold in the future. Train yourself to watch your anger with her.

Watch the meds. Many are very helpful but others are just candy or can be toxic. We are not doctors here but we know some of the meds well. It is a personal thing.

The crisis line at the VA is available 24/7 (1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.) Many have called them here including me. I was surprised at how helpful they were when I was ready to kiss the barrel.

There are a lot of people here who are very knowledgeable. Ask.

 

[Lee C]

Welcome