I am the wife of a vietnam Vet. We've been married for 37 yrs. My husband was in vietnam in 1968 and 1969. He was wounded and spent a year in the hospital. We met in 1973.
The Problem started when he retired from the military 30 yrs ago. The first day of retirement he put on his fatigues in the morning and opend the first bottle of beer stood in the kitchen and just starred into now where. That went on for the whole day. Every little thing made him blow up ( children 2 and 6 at the time ).
I was working trying to run family life.
This went on for 2 yrs. He was looking for work and was turned down and because of that stooped looking.
Family life was hell. Our son had problems at school and if I asked for help from my husband his solution was to scream at the child which made things worse.
I don`t want to go on in more detail.
After 2 yrs of this I was exausted and told him he needed to find work to support the family. I was also at the verge of leaving because a could't take the emotional abuse of him towards me and the children any longer. He had beat our sun for something minor to the point where he had bruises on his bottom. I told my husband that is childabuse and if he does that one more time I am reporting that to authorities.
He found work and things got somewhat calmer. But he never was the person I met in 1973. He had changed.
The last 30 years the children and I "worked" around him. In the beginning I was upset when he did not go with us to school functions or on a day out with me and the children. After a while I accepted the fact, asked if he wanted to come along and if he didn't it was OK. I learned how to do everything myself. But I have to this day a hard time with the rage, the withdrawal ( speaking maybe 10 words a week).I feel emotionally alone.
In the past few years I had to take care of my aging and sick parents ( father passed in 2004 and my mother in 2010) I worked part time (nurse) and started my own business. After my father passed in 2004 I felt very excausted and then was diagnosed with hepatits. I underwent Therapy ( which is tough) took care of my mom, my family ( children had moved at the time) and still had both jobs and no physical or emotional support from my husband. On the contrary.. one little thing go wrong and he would blow up.
Our daughter moved back home ( she has flat on our property). I had started to renovate our house. My husband had cluttered basement, garage and attic in the past 10 yrs and I I told him a year before that we had to declutter and let go of things. The renovation was major. Well knowing what I know now this was all to much stress and a minor thing made him grab our daughter by the kneck and he hit her on her shoulder. We went to see our family doctor and I had a talk with my husband that that was not acceptabel behavior. He justified that "the child" was talking back at him ( she is 32 yrs)
He told a fellow vet about him hitting his daughter. The friend has been diagnosed with PTSD in the 1992 ( which neither of us knew) and he told my husband to go seek treatment. My husband has not talked to me about this at all.
To make things worse he was diagnosed with cancer the beginning of this year ( shortly after the above mentioned incident) and went into total withdrawl.
I have been reading everything I could on the Internet abaout PTSD and on this Forum. I printed some things for my husband ( does not use the computer at all) and want ot have a talk with him about the issue and getting treatment. We live our daily lives mostly not talking. That to me is the major problem...not beeing able to have a conversation about anything.
The Problem started when he retired from the military 30 yrs ago. The first day of retirement he put on his fatigues in the morning and opend the first bottle of beer stood in the kitchen and just starred into now where. That went on for the whole day. Every little thing made him blow up ( children 2 and 6 at the time ).
I was working trying to run family life.
This went on for 2 yrs. He was looking for work and was turned down and because of that stooped looking.
Family life was hell. Our son had problems at school and if I asked for help from my husband his solution was to scream at the child which made things worse.
I don`t want to go on in more detail.
After 2 yrs of this I was exausted and told him he needed to find work to support the family. I was also at the verge of leaving because a could't take the emotional abuse of him towards me and the children any longer. He had beat our sun for something minor to the point where he had bruises on his bottom. I told my husband that is childabuse and if he does that one more time I am reporting that to authorities.
He found work and things got somewhat calmer. But he never was the person I met in 1973. He had changed.
The last 30 years the children and I "worked" around him. In the beginning I was upset when he did not go with us to school functions or on a day out with me and the children. After a while I accepted the fact, asked if he wanted to come along and if he didn't it was OK. I learned how to do everything myself. But I have to this day a hard time with the rage, the withdrawal ( speaking maybe 10 words a week).I feel emotionally alone.
In the past few years I had to take care of my aging and sick parents ( father passed in 2004 and my mother in 2010) I worked part time (nurse) and started my own business. After my father passed in 2004 I felt very excausted and then was diagnosed with hepatits. I underwent Therapy ( which is tough) took care of my mom, my family ( children had moved at the time) and still had both jobs and no physical or emotional support from my husband. On the contrary.. one little thing go wrong and he would blow up.
Our daughter moved back home ( she has flat on our property). I had started to renovate our house. My husband had cluttered basement, garage and attic in the past 10 yrs and I I told him a year before that we had to declutter and let go of things. The renovation was major. Well knowing what I know now this was all to much stress and a minor thing made him grab our daughter by the kneck and he hit her on her shoulder. We went to see our family doctor and I had a talk with my husband that that was not acceptabel behavior. He justified that "the child" was talking back at him ( she is 32 yrs)
He told a fellow vet about him hitting his daughter. The friend has been diagnosed with PTSD in the 1992 ( which neither of us knew) and he told my husband to go seek treatment. My husband has not talked to me about this at all.
To make things worse he was diagnosed with cancer the beginning of this year ( shortly after the above mentioned incident) and went into total withdrawl.
I have been reading everything I could on the Internet abaout PTSD and on this Forum. I printed some things for my husband ( does not use the computer at all) and want ot have a talk with him about the issue and getting treatment. We live our daily lives mostly not talking. That to me is the major problem...not beeing able to have a conversation about anything.
