New Type Of Nightmares

[p-no]

*Trigger warning*

I used to have nightmares that were all unreal in the sense that for example my abuser was an animal and not a person and so on. Then there were/are those nightmares that are all real in the sense that they're like "could happen" and have the effect a very good thriller has on me.

Now there's a new type. Reality and irreality mix. I have had those for a week now and can hardly sleep. I wake up and feel as if run over by a few trucks. Needless to say I have to drag myself through the day and I am off work so not doing anything really.

In my nightmare last night my good friend (very sick with cancer) died and her husband sent me a message saying she died. The terror and hurt and desperateness etc. all went right into the nightmare; I mean, I am sure that I felt all that in reality and it crept into my dream. That was bad because all of a sudden my friend appeared, not dead, and I was so shocked and so da*n scared it freaked me out completely. They all "pretended" (they didn't pretend, which is why it was so very scary; they were so normal) that nothing had happened and I was a complete mess. The little one, her 2-year-old son also knew she was dead and we got together and I tried to calm him down. She was dead but she was there too.

I rocketed out of sleep and was a mess. Been in this state for the whole day. My body just wants to give up its service. I would like to crawl into a dark small hole and be forgotten.

What do you do with those? Reality is bad enough! But nightmares like this, to me, are torture. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand reality and I can't sleep.

 

[safenow]

Prime-no, I hear what you are asking. From my point of view, you need to ground yourself quickly when this happens. In case you don't understand grounding, it means to bring yourself into the now FAST.

The way to do this is using your 5 senses to bring you back into the now. Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. As an example, with that type of dream (when I have them), I turn a light on and touch that switch = rubbing my fingers on it and saying outloud the senses: yellow lamp shade, gold lamp, multi colored quilt, lilac pillowcase, white walls and ceiling. Then I name, outloud, each thing I touch: light switch, lamp shade, lightbulb, bedspread. Then I listen to the sounds in the room and name them outloud: heater, birds, me snapping my fingers. Then I sniff the air and say outloud what I smell: heater, candle. Then I roll my tongue around in my mouth to get the spit going. I stick my finger in my mouth just to taste the salty taste.

By the time i've done this, the thought of my friend is not so strong. I'm back in my room completely. I realize it was only a dream, and not real. For me, if my friend is one with a termal illness, I make it a point to call them that day or go by and see them. If it's one who is already gone, I try to think of someone who also loved that person and ask them to come over or go to a place the three of us used to go and just remember them.

Since your friend is in reality ill with cancer, you know the time is coming when you'll get that call. I know how scary that is. I'm a cancer survivor myself, and my friends have had that dream about me. But I let them know, i'm still around just to agrivate people. We all have a good laugh.

I hope this helps a little bit.

safenow

 

[Kim500]

prime-no, I'm sorry you're having those nightmares. I don't know what to say because I haven't experienced them. But my thoughts are with you...

safenow, that's a wonderful grounding idea!

 

[AS1975]

I used to have the same set of nightmares, involving modified versions of what actually happened in various incidents, but always the same. One of the most prevalent was running out of a burning building, without being able to see and I'd never, ever make it. They weren't pleasant, the adrenaline and fear response was horrible, but I'd rarely remember them in any great detail if medicated.

Now, like you, for some reason, I'm getting all different nightmares, things that haven't happened, but conceivably "might" arise and for some reason I can do nothing right, every decision I make is wrong, and everything always goes to shit. Plus I am now recalling them in living, vivid colour, sights, sounds, the works and it truly upsets the piss out of me. It is a mix of reality and possibility if you get my drift, things that haven't happened but could so easily do so.

I've got to talk to my Doctor, to see if this is somehow related to the medication(s). It has only really started since I upped the Luvox and Seroquel, but the idea there was to stop nightmares altogether, not simply change the script.

 

[Sailorgal]

Prime-no,

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like your current stressors have mixed in with what you have already been dealing with healing from.

It's typical for our minds to process things we think about during the day so your current situation with your friend is obviously going to be impacting you. Maybe there are things bothering more than you talk about such as how scared you are to lose your friend? You don't talk about it to anyone because you don't want to be negative perhaps? Or maybe you avoid that topic with our friend to just enjoy the moments you have now? Just some questions.

Hope you are able to at least calm yourself down to where it doesn't affect you.

AS, I chuckled reading your last comment "not simply change the script." So true...we want solutions, not another series. Hope you find a resolution pronto!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Everyone already said it all. I hate it when the nightmares superimpose over the day. You are going through something so real and so serious. It has to be impacting you deeply, no wonder it is in your nightmares. I really feel for you. My heart goes out to you. Others made some good suggestions to ground yourself. I wish you the best. Please keep us updated on your friends condition ok? Hugs.

 

[p-no]

It is a mix of reality and possibility

Yes, exactly. And I have had this when my grandfather died (afterwords; terrible, I won't even write that out here). I had the grandfather one again the night before last. It gets so terrifying that I wake myself up in pure panic and it takes some time to calm down. It's not that I don't know that it was a dream and that I'm awake then and "all is well". I know all that. But my body gets so shaken up that it takes time to calm the breathing, shaking, heartbeat and all.

In my case, reality mixes with a horror movie. As said, I won't write out what happens in the grandfather one but it scares shit out of me every time.

the idea there was to stop nightmares altogether

I hope you'll find a way to stop them. It's nothing anyone needs. All they do is take your energy away, which I personally never have enough of and need every bit of for the days, not the nights.

You don't talk

I do talk about it. Not with the friend this is happening to. This is her choice. She keeps saying "I'm going to survive this, don't worry. I am going to live." no matter what news she gets. I think she needs to do this, block it out, to keep her sanity for dealing with what she has to. But, of course, I won't start the conversation. Neither does anyone else. You can tell, she needs to do it this way.

Thank you all for your compassion and posts.

 

[Whitneys story]

((((((((((((Prime-no))))))))))))

Although she has chosen her means of expression it does not make it any easier for you. Are you holding in to much?

I have big shoulders and lots of Kleenex just for you. Behemoth Hugs, Whitney

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I wanted to check in with you and see if things have improved for you. You have been on my mind. You are dealing with a reality that has no escape as far as your friend's condition goes. I hate experiences like what you are going through because they are so real and vivid.

I hope you are doing better by now. Hugs and prayers for you and your friend if that is ok.

 

[p-no]

Thank you, Whitney, very kind. And gizmo, too. ((((Whitney and gizmo))))

Am I holding in too much? Hm... I have to to be able to go on (I mean, just everyday stuff like work). I think I'm doing it the way I need to do it to manage so, I'd say, no. Then again, if this were a perfect world I'd be doing it all differently. I'd go there, stay with a friend, help when needed, sit by the river there, cry, collect leaves, make things, listen to music, cry, "digest" (process)... It's not a perfect world though and I need to go to work and go for groceries and all I have to do, nightmares or not, realities or not. So, I guess, another truthful answer is, yes, I am holding in too much.

Thanks for checking in gizmo. I lost track of this thread. Need to sort out my watched threads... It was unintentional, I'm sorry.

You are dealing with a reality that has no escape

Very well said. I think there is another thread that is about giving your life a title, like a movie's. This would be mine. My life (and I am not meaning to sound depressed) has been realits without escapes, one attached to another almost, with just enough time (if there was time in between them at all) to recover for the next unescapable reality to appear. I hate such experiences, too.

Have things improved? I don't think so. My friend's been doing worse and worse. All I've been doing lately (a few weeks) is go to work, work (well, some, as you can see from this post; I am at work now), go home, eat, go to bed. On the weekend I will sleep in (12 hours), get up, wake up (takes hours to be really there), go for groceries, play some online games and go to sleep. I'm holding up somewhat. But I need spring to start soon. A bit of sun would be nice.

Sending lots of good thoughts your way, too.

 

[safenow]

Sending lots of good thoughts your way, too.

Back atcha.
(((( prime-no )))), if you allow them.

 

[Whitneys story]

Prime-no, No apology necessary. But I feel this thread is a good place to post your feelings.

Let it out when you can. When we don't let it out it stacks into compiled issues. No one should be alone through such a difficult time.

You have been doing well on your journey. I hate to see you going backwards. There is only so much a friend can do. She is fortunate to have what you are capable of offering. Behemoth Hugs, Whitney