Supporter Newbie With A Story....and Your Help.

[Sweetpea76]

Me and my wife, are currently separated, and it has been since early August, and my wife (not yet divorced) are involved in a new relationship with a new guy, who is hearing but that is another story.

I thought that she was cheating on me

not even her ‘boyfriend’ that she is involved with

I am just trying to learn to understand the status of us despite her being 'involved' with another guy

JClarke, I'm going to be brutally honest with you... Sometimes it is not PTSD, sometimes it is just bad behavior. Cheating is cheating, and PTSD does not excuse infidelity. Please, for your own sanity and well being, think about this for a minute. In what aspect is this behavior acceptable? There is never, ever an excuse to cheat on your spouse. PTSD be damned, you do not deserve to be treated like that.

my wife is saying that she is leaning on the 'D' but I can see with her behaviour which has to do with the PTSD symptoms

I have read one section that the separation is a bad idea due to the PTSD,

I just have a gut feeling that she needs me when she does but she doesn't know that the PTSD is interfering it

one of the relation of the PTSD is 'Avoiding and numbing' and I asked if she still loves me, (which I can see through her eyes, she does) but her response was "i feel numb" which makes me suspect it has to do with the PTSD she is suffering at this stage

I have noticed few things in the email which I believe it is related to the PTSD she is in at the moment

Supporters can easily fall into the trap of excusing everything that their sufferers do as "PTSD." Please step back and look at this closely. You love her, and want to help her, and she doesn't want it. You want to save your marriage, and she is seeing somebody else and talking about divorce. Is it possible that she is just breaking up with you, and you are having a hard time accepting it because your heart is broken?

Your posts are breaking my heart. It is obvious that you love her very much, and that you want to support her as much as possible. However, it isn't healthy for anybody if the relationship is codependent or making you miserable. It may be time to move on. You cannot save a marriage all by yourself, and you cannot fix her. PTSD can't be fixed, she will just learn how to manage her symptoms and live life the best that she can. She has to do it though, you cannot do it for her.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

 

[JClarke]

Hi sweetpea, my wife knows I love her still.

However, I am not sugar-coating about her relationship with the guy but I noticed, earlier tonight - I met up with her to have a chat or two before I head out of town tomorrow for few days.

After we had a nice chat (happy talk and few laughing and teasing) We went went to our homes, but when I was on the road home I got a video call, she was in panic because she lost her parking ticket and She called me, I automatically knew what to do I U -turned around and met up with her again, She was worried about the ticket because it is $30 to replace it, and I soothed her to calm down, she said to me that she knew I would calm her down, which I did. I helped look for the ticket, even listen to her signed rant but in the end she had to learn the lesson to get it replaced, she worries related to money as since we separated she said thank you for coming back and calming her down.

This is not the first time - I did this in a calm manner, and all was good. What does this sort of situation tell me?

 

[nursenurse]

That you are being used. Leave her alone. Period. You are being played like a fine violin, my friend. This is not PTSD. Leave her to her own devices, do not be at her beck and call. See what happens. Go about your own life, with your own friends, doing your own thing. She has to want to make herself better. From what I have read, she has not done this, furthermore, she has taken on a lover. How this is PTSD related is beyond me, she doesn't seem to be that into you, except when maybe she needs something. The heart wants what it wants, yours is no different, but that should not make you a doormat. You are too young and full of promise to be tied up emotionally like this. Move on.