New here, newly diagnosed with PTSD & panic disorder though I’ve been living with the symptoms a long time, some for as long as I can remember. Had frequent panic attacks, frequent nightmares, what felt like almost constant intrusive thoughts/flashbacks, suicidal thoughts. Recently started a few different medications which bring a lot of relief, had my first therapy session yesterday.
My trauma comes from being raised by people who managed their own trauma by drinking it away. Was sexually assaulted as a kid by a few different adults I trusted, and then again several times in adulthood as well. Couldn’t be my authentic self without all of the bigots in the family trying to bully it out of me. Several abusive relationships in adulthood, some romantic and some not. Lived in poverty most of my life.
I feel guilty for how poorly I’ve adapted, feel bad for being in a place where I can get help now, knowing how many people have barriers to treatment, knowing how bad many people have it. And now really, I’m in the best place I’ve been in my life and I’m embarrassed the past still haunts me. My home is peaceful, I have two kids, by one of my abusers…but still, I’m with a different, loving partner now. I have stability but I am always fearful of when it ends, find myself overreacting to situations in an attempt to maintain that peace. I feel guilty knowing that I have had it easier than many and I am still struggling to get to a better place mentally.
I’m thankful to have found this community and hope to grow with you all. Thanks for reading.
My trauma comes from being raised by people who managed their own trauma by drinking it away. Was sexually assaulted as a kid by a few different adults I trusted, and then again several times in adulthood as well. Couldn’t be my authentic self without all of the bigots in the family trying to bully it out of me. Several abusive relationships in adulthood, some romantic and some not. Lived in poverty most of my life.
I feel guilty for how poorly I’ve adapted, feel bad for being in a place where I can get help now, knowing how many people have barriers to treatment, knowing how bad many people have it. And now really, I’m in the best place I’ve been in my life and I’m embarrassed the past still haunts me. My home is peaceful, I have two kids, by one of my abusers…but still, I’m with a different, loving partner now. I have stability but I am always fearful of when it ends, find myself overreacting to situations in an attempt to maintain that peace. I feel guilty knowing that I have had it easier than many and I am still struggling to get to a better place mentally.
I’m thankful to have found this community and hope to grow with you all. Thanks for reading.