whattodowithhim
New Here
I will try to be brief. I am Australian, he is American. We met at work in car sales, fell in love late 2015, married 2017 in May. Very compatible and attracted to one another. He served on the front lines as a machine gunner in Iraq, 2003. Knew he had some anger here and there, I do too but have worked on it a lot, it is mainly from mother's death and some trauma from an abusive relationship I had years ago. Whats ironic is before marriage, he said he wanted me to work on MY stuff. So, I continued to do so. Less than a month after marriage, we had a disagreement at the park BBQing because I wouldn't get up to help him find the cheese. I was a bit of a lazy ass, hey, I wait on him like a king most of the time and have turned him and his son's life around. Since with me, his income has doubled and his 16 yr old is doing grfeat in school like never before. I had a moment, sue me lol.
Next thing he gets agitated, I get up to help him look, before you know it he is getting in my face yelling, I tell him back off, leave me alone, let it go, that just makes him madder and he sees that as "picking" at him. I'm like, enough, leave me be, trying to walk off. He follows me etc. Back at house same thing that night to the point where I am putting a chair between us for protection. He screams, "quit playing the victim!" Scary as hell. Still doesn't truly get he is wrong for going that nuts. We have done some premarital counseling and a few sessions after marriage. He is fine with going, which is curious. Things are usually good. But then stuff like if he explains something and I don't get it because I am tired or whatever, he will make remarks like "you don't listen". Makes me feel sad and demeaned. No patience with his family. At work, when there is a car deal to be made, he has the patience of a saint. So, he can do it, just chooses not to, the way I see it. Anger is a choice, period. I have worked hard to control mine, I am better at it than him, truth.
Last night at our sailboat, motor went out, he was pissed. We have had issues, paid someone to fix it, still broken. I get it. I am annoyed too but wtf can we do but stay calm and get through it. We get stranded near the dock, a fellow boater offers to throw us a rope to help. Hubby says no, I can swim the boat over to the dock. bad idea, marinas are not safe to swim in, he knows this. ESD is a real threat, Electric Shock Drowning. yeah, don't swim near marinas, signs everywhere telling people no swimming. I said, no it's not safe, hey man throw us that rope please? Hubby was pissed as all hell. Simmering mad. I could do it, he said, I said not safe to swim. He doesn't care. We get help off nice folks and some tips on where to fix boat. New to boating, we need all the help we can get and besides, I wanted to meet them. Pick their brains, make friends, learn, keep hubby safe. Explained all this patiently. Still he sat in silence after the fact, we still wanted to BBQ and eat. So we sit. Sigh. I said softly, I feel sad and hurt when you get so upset at me, it seems cruel and selfish, it impacts people around you and is scary. He gets the rage in his face like I killed his child, leans in my face, "always picking at me" he snarls, full of rage.
I say, leave me be. I pack up, tell him youre going to end up alone, I want to go home please, walked to the front of the marina and waited.
He needs to face that this anger is NOT OK. I didn't cause it, it was there before i came and will be there if I leave. I am too old for this shit. Sigh. We wanted a child but wtf now? Scary, sad, most my family dead.
Next thing he gets agitated, I get up to help him look, before you know it he is getting in my face yelling, I tell him back off, leave me alone, let it go, that just makes him madder and he sees that as "picking" at him. I'm like, enough, leave me be, trying to walk off. He follows me etc. Back at house same thing that night to the point where I am putting a chair between us for protection. He screams, "quit playing the victim!" Scary as hell. Still doesn't truly get he is wrong for going that nuts. We have done some premarital counseling and a few sessions after marriage. He is fine with going, which is curious. Things are usually good. But then stuff like if he explains something and I don't get it because I am tired or whatever, he will make remarks like "you don't listen". Makes me feel sad and demeaned. No patience with his family. At work, when there is a car deal to be made, he has the patience of a saint. So, he can do it, just chooses not to, the way I see it. Anger is a choice, period. I have worked hard to control mine, I am better at it than him, truth.
Last night at our sailboat, motor went out, he was pissed. We have had issues, paid someone to fix it, still broken. I get it. I am annoyed too but wtf can we do but stay calm and get through it. We get stranded near the dock, a fellow boater offers to throw us a rope to help. Hubby says no, I can swim the boat over to the dock. bad idea, marinas are not safe to swim in, he knows this. ESD is a real threat, Electric Shock Drowning. yeah, don't swim near marinas, signs everywhere telling people no swimming. I said, no it's not safe, hey man throw us that rope please? Hubby was pissed as all hell. Simmering mad. I could do it, he said, I said not safe to swim. He doesn't care. We get help off nice folks and some tips on where to fix boat. New to boating, we need all the help we can get and besides, I wanted to meet them. Pick their brains, make friends, learn, keep hubby safe. Explained all this patiently. Still he sat in silence after the fact, we still wanted to BBQ and eat. So we sit. Sigh. I said softly, I feel sad and hurt when you get so upset at me, it seems cruel and selfish, it impacts people around you and is scary. He gets the rage in his face like I killed his child, leans in my face, "always picking at me" he snarls, full of rage.
I say, leave me be. I pack up, tell him youre going to end up alone, I want to go home please, walked to the front of the marina and waited.
He needs to face that this anger is NOT OK. I didn't cause it, it was there before i came and will be there if I leave. I am too old for this shit. Sigh. We wanted a child but wtf now? Scary, sad, most my family dead.
