Hi everyone!
Nightmares have kept me awake tonight, so I thought I’d do something useful and finally make an account on here. This website comes up often on my late night google searches and seeing that so many people have the same exact feelings that I do helps me feel less alone :)
I’ve been officially diagnosed with PTSD from (mostly sexual) abuse for the past 2 years or so, but I’ve struggled with these issues for my entire life. Dissociation and depression are also big problems for me.
The past 3 years or so have been indescribably difficult for me after one of my past abusers attracted the attention of the media. Suddenly all of these horrible things that had happened to me and other girls became daily news/entertainment and were impossible to avoid. The disrespect, humiliation, and alienation that the media has made me feel really is unforgivable. I’ve been a bit of a hermit because for a time it was like I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing my abusers face. Not the grocery store (don’t look over at the newsstand! Don’t look, don’t look) not the hospital (sit facing away from the waiting room tv so maybe if they talk about him at least you won’t have to see his face), nowhere. I felt like I was being haunted. I would I have flashbacks in the most embarrassing places. I once scream cried in a waiting room bathroom after seeing my abuser being defended by news anchors and then had to go back out there and wait for my appointment like nothing happened. Things have died down a bit nowadays but I’m left still feeling like a monkey in a zoo. I often feel like I’m the only one on earth who has been through something like this. I don’t want to show my face in public. I know what people were saying about me and those other girls. Either I’m a lying w**** (cursing allowed?) or I’m a true crime podcast topic to them.
These past few years have been hard but have also been a catalyst for my recovery. Swim or drown, you know. My PTSD is probably better managed than it ever has been, but with healing comes new challenges. I’ve had to almost completely abstain from social media for the past few years to avoid triggers, and this makes it hard for me to socialize with people in my age group. I’m hoping to meet new people and make connections with people who understand what it’s like to live with PTSD. Although some of my circumstances may be different than most people, I still relate to the day to day struggles that I see people talk about on here. I think we are more alike than we are different :)
Nightmares have kept me awake tonight, so I thought I’d do something useful and finally make an account on here. This website comes up often on my late night google searches and seeing that so many people have the same exact feelings that I do helps me feel less alone :)
I’ve been officially diagnosed with PTSD from (mostly sexual) abuse for the past 2 years or so, but I’ve struggled with these issues for my entire life. Dissociation and depression are also big problems for me.
The past 3 years or so have been indescribably difficult for me after one of my past abusers attracted the attention of the media. Suddenly all of these horrible things that had happened to me and other girls became daily news/entertainment and were impossible to avoid. The disrespect, humiliation, and alienation that the media has made me feel really is unforgivable. I’ve been a bit of a hermit because for a time it was like I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing my abusers face. Not the grocery store (don’t look over at the newsstand! Don’t look, don’t look) not the hospital (sit facing away from the waiting room tv so maybe if they talk about him at least you won’t have to see his face), nowhere. I felt like I was being haunted. I would I have flashbacks in the most embarrassing places. I once scream cried in a waiting room bathroom after seeing my abuser being defended by news anchors and then had to go back out there and wait for my appointment like nothing happened. Things have died down a bit nowadays but I’m left still feeling like a monkey in a zoo. I often feel like I’m the only one on earth who has been through something like this. I don’t want to show my face in public. I know what people were saying about me and those other girls. Either I’m a lying w**** (cursing allowed?) or I’m a true crime podcast topic to them.
These past few years have been hard but have also been a catalyst for my recovery. Swim or drown, you know. My PTSD is probably better managed than it ever has been, but with healing comes new challenges. I’ve had to almost completely abstain from social media for the past few years to avoid triggers, and this makes it hard for me to socialize with people in my age group. I’m hoping to meet new people and make connections with people who understand what it’s like to live with PTSD. Although some of my circumstances may be different than most people, I still relate to the day to day struggles that I see people talk about on here. I think we are more alike than we are different :)