Nightmares Rare Now - But Insomnia Frequent

[Nebulustrix]

When I first left my ex, I had nightmares almost every night. Mostly, these nightmares involved me in random public places where I would see my ex and attempt to flee. He would always manage to follow, and he was never actively/angrily chasing me, but I could never seem to get away. Sometimes, he never seemed to notice me, and others he'd spot me and attempt to approach me- always calmly. But the more I tried to get away, the closer he seemed to get, and I'd get more and more panicked, my flight more and more frantic, until I'd wake up absolutely terrified that I'd find him right around the corner.

I've never been able to consciously change my dreams. As soon as I become conscious enough to realize I'm dreaming, I find myself stuck in one of those "phantom runs", where I keep running faster and faster but my destination just gets farther and farther away, my pursuer closer and closer, and then I wake up. But eventually my dream/nightmare did change, entirely subconsciously.

The nightmares faded when I dreamed I was in my own home instead of a random public place when my ex came knocking on my door. The door opened and I told him to leave, to stay back, to leave me alone, and he wasn't listening. He came inside and started approaching me. At this point in the dream, I pulled out a shotgun, told him to stay back or I'd shoot, and when he took another step toward me I shot him and the dream ended.

This dream repeated itself for several nights and my anxiety of being hunted down started to fade, and the nightmares of being chased/hunted by my ex became fewer and farther apart. I will still, on rare occasion, have one of these nightmares and get filled with this anxiety of being hunted down, but they are very very rare.

More frequently though, I'll find myself having trouble sleeping and stuck awake in the middle of the night, trying everything I can think of to bring on the exhaustion so I can fall asleep. I'm fairly certain I still dream, because I wake up with phantom images of his angry visage, his rage filled eyes burning into my skull, though I remember nothing of the dream itself.

Not really sure what advice I'm looking for here..... but thought I would share as this is one of those moments I'm finding myself up with insomnia.

 

[arfie]

I hope I am not being sadistic by saying I actually miss my insomnia. I learned how to make use of all those extra hours and the insomnia just kinda went away on its own. The useful stuff never seems to stick around.

Which isn't much use to you, is it?

Gentle hugs for the long night.

 

[Nebulustrix]

Thanks arfie - I've been having insomnia off and on for a few years now, so I've figured out how to manage it fairly well. It only bothers me when it keeps me up several nights in a row, making it difficult to get up for work. But I've figured out that when this happens, if I allow myself to have an energy drink, it will keep me up feeling wide awake instead of tired for one night, and then the next night I'll crash.

Or, the other nights it bothers me are when I find myself plagued with intrusive thoughts and anxiety- can't get my mind off the past and my trauma. This hasn't been a major issue for a few years, but is starting to become a regular bother now.

 

[arfie]

I still get those intrusive thought nights every so often, too, accompanied with nightmares if I do manage to sleep. The last few found me graphic journaling. Sketching dream images. The last round - nearly a year ago - lead me to quite a few of my light triggers. I still don't love 21st century lighting fashions and still miss the ancient night lights, but at least I can enjoy night air again. The round before that lead me to a mulching technique my mother had taught me in one of her gardens. A small gem lost in the amnesia.

Hope you sleep well tonight.

 

[TeaLeaf]

I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately too. I used to have nightmares too but don't have those much anymore, just insomnia. I wake up a lot throughout the night and then can't get back to sleep. I used to have trouble getting to sleep too but sleeping meds helped some with that. Lately I have been taking either trazadone or an herbal remedy that my acupuncturist prescribed, it has hops, valerian and some other stuff, it helps a lot but doesn't cure it. I think when I am dealing with more triggers and memories that my sleep gets worse so therapy definitely helps process things in the long run.

Other things that have helped me are exercise during the day, writing in my journal to get things off my mind, acupuncture, having a bedtime routine and trying to keep a regular sleep and wake cycle.

Hope you start to sleep better soon.