Childhood No Memory Just Still Shot Image

[JSchieb]

I was molested from as early as I remember until I was 8, by my grandpa. I can remember a lot of the abuse very vividly. But there's this one image that pops in my head randomly of his laundry room. It was dark and I get a really dark and cold feeling when I think of it. I don't see any people, just the room. I've been getting this image in my head for over 10 years now and I'm wondering if anyone else has had this same thing happen, and if so did it mean anything at some point? Part of me feels like it was so bad I blocked out, and wonder if I even want to ever know. Any input is appreciated! Thanks for your time in advance!

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Some of my memories from childhood are non-animated.

 

[jaccat]

I've had a few memories that come back like that- like a snapshot. Sometimes it's not even a complete image. Sometimes they develop into memories, but not always, or at least mine haven't yet.

 

[Stickler]

I get little glimpses for a while, they gradually turn into complete memories.

 

[katz]

Most of mine are snapshots also. Sometimes they happen fast, like a fast slide show. A lot of them are just feelings. I have a few that are pictures that are just always there. I usually just write them down. Then later down the road I can get more and start putting the pieces together. I can usually form a story of bits and pieces. I have to remind myself that I may never remember all of it. I also pay attention to my dreams. I have found over the years that the dreams are ideas and feelings that I need to process. Then I can compare them to the feelings/pictures. I have found that writing down any feelings or memories is good for me, because they I can just forget them--if I want to. Then I know that I won't lose them. I'm working on forming the stories of multiple "demons". It has been hard to figure out which memory goes where. So, a journal helps.

 

[ghotiff]

I have snapshot images of the abuse but I also have same as you, this image of a particular room that comes with a bad feeling. I don't know what happened in there and I'm not sure I want to know.

 

[4everA]

It's a black abyss... Accepting that it was okay and/or better not to know will suffice, but does not endure. And the blackness creeps in like a dense fog on the moor. I am alone and I am stuck. Perhaps this forum will aide me in my desire to deal with the repressed past, which has now run amok...

 

[LMaKenna]

I'm really new here so i don't know if this reply helps. There was one time, one time only, when i was getting to the bottom of the basement steps. I was maybe 10 or so. I was there many times before and after without this happening. As i got to the bottom, i was hit with intense, soul deep terror. The next thing i knew i was out of the basement and on the far side of the back yard (maybe 50-70 yards away). I had this vague feeling of passing part of the yard without ever touching the grass. To this day i still don't know what that was about.

Maybe you heard or saw something, maybe so small it wouldn't register consciously, that triggered a fear or feeling of threat.

 

[LMaKenna]

When i look at the thread again, maybe what i said above doesn't really apply.
However, i do understand what you mean. The little pieces i had didn't make sense until right after my mother died about 35 years later. Then the connecting parts started filling in like shadows rising up from the bottom of a lake. They've been doing that for years and i just had 1 more piece fill in about an hour ago. That's what made me come searching and found this site.

 

[katz]

When i look at the thread again, maybe what i said above doesn't really apply.
However, i do understan...

LMaKenna,

It's okay. You're right along with the thread.
Sometimes mine are just feelings too. I have found a lot of mine in smells.
The smell just kinds passes me in the wind. I quickly try to remember what it is. .sometimes it takes me a little while to figure it out. Long after the smell is gone. But,it usually is a quick picture.

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[katz]

I was molested from as early as I remember until I was 8, by my grandpa. I can remember a lot of the ab...

Welcome to the forum.
I have the same situation as you. All I have is snapshots of a lot of my ...past. Sometimes that's all we get. You have to remember how young you were. Back then, you didn't understand what was happening. Keep faith in yourself and you will only remember what--and as much-- as you need to, and can handle at one time.

If you need to, draw the picture. Use crayons, or what ever you like. What ever is comfortable for you. I was able to get a lot of the pictures out of my head, once I had drawn them. Then, I gave myself permission to forget them. I knew that if I ever needed to see them again, I had a picture to look at.

 

[LateInThe Day]

Hi, yes, I have what sounds similar. I'll give some details in case it helps, but I'll warn you they're quite detailed as I wouldn't want to them to be a trigger for you and you may want to think about it before reading them.

I have flashbacks that are like photo snapshots, e.g. just of a highly patterned carpet with a particular toy on it. I have slightly longer memories (a few seconds) of before and after what I think is the same event but I'm not sure, in between it's just like a bright, white wall in my memory. I suspect it was from a very early time (toddler age) when my mum was at her most violent and I knew she may loose it and actually kill me. I have lots of anxiety if my head is physically near a wall but no memories associated with it except a nanosecond of hitting a wall hard and having my eyes scrunched closed. Hope that helps. In a rush so hope makes that all sense but wanted to post somthing!