Not Doing Ok

[smyh]

I keep going to this dark little place in my mind where I just don't have the energy to deal with anything anymore. I have a feeling that people are tired of hearing that from me in my family, so I don't want to talk about it at home. It feels so much easier to just lie and say I will be okay. No, I probably won't be okay, but I am just tired of it. And, to be honest, I just feel pathetic about my own thoughts with it all.

 

[Navalskimo]

I feel like I am in the same boat as you. It seems as though people don't take me seriously about how I am feeling and I am constantly battling the ideas of how to end the pain and hopelessness. The only thing that helps me endure yet an other day is my mother. Without her I know I would not be here now. I know advise from me is like the blind leading the blind, but I would hope that you find a reason to take it one day at a time until you are able to carry on for yourself. I hope this helps to know that you are not alone in this dark place.

 

[OneToughCookie]

Fellow blind person. I experience the same problems of listlessness and lack of energy. Today I couldn't stop crying for hours and the pain seemed unbearable. I felt like I was creating negativity and felt badly for calling my mom, but she cared that I was feeling badly and that was enough. I didn't do my Physics homework, and don't know if I'll be any more motivated tomorrow. Depression does not make any of us pathetic. You're right - facing PTSD, depression, and suicidality day after day is an often demoralizing battle, but if we fight it, if we refuse to give up, we show strength of character. It's entirely possible that the fog can lift. That we can eventually get the energy to volunteer. And that makes us feel a little bit better. And we sleep a little bit better. And feel a little more open to interaction. One day at a time often seems like a repeat, but if we're patient, there's a chance we'll find a way out of the dark place. The universe is entirely unfair, but it can't always work against us. Earlier today, I thought nothing was worth living for. Now, I think a delicious meal, a hug, a joke, a breathtaking sunset, learning something new, a friendship, justice, honesty, and others are all worth living for. Every day may not be good, in fact many are terrible, but keep living because there are many good things in every day and even more worth living and working for.