Not Doing So Well

[FindingMyself88]

I am not in a good place mentally tonight… I am very unstable, exhausted, and triggered.. I was okay when I left my therapist, but when I got home I lost it..

 

[TonyG]

Sorry to hear you feel that way, We are here so it's not like your alone, we can be alone together.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: for you and :hug: for Bristol too.

 

[FindingMyself88]

I have taken 2 klonopin, but they haven't helped. I cried for 2 hours straight, now I am fighting dissociation very hard… Im so exhausted I don't feel like getting out of bed, but Im terrified to sleep.

 

[whserenitynluv]

:hug: Your in the right place!

 

[Justmehere]

Can you let your therapist know?

If not, what about grounding - holding some ice and/or a warm cup of tea. Or playing an online game like Tetris. Or chatting with us? :)

Or maybe something that would help you feel safe - or remembering a safe place.

Or sometimes I write down the actual symptoms and/or thoughts I'm having and I put them in a box.... A real box. Sometimes it oddly helps.

Just some ideas. I'm sorry tonight is so awful. :( Hang in there, better times will come.

Oh and be sure to drink fluids - when I cry for hours, I get dehydrated and it makes numbness worse...

 

[Kefira]

I'm sorry you're hurting right now. We're all here for you. It will look a bit brighter tomorrow.

:hug:s if you'll have them.

 

[Hope4Now]

Bring some breath to all the triggered parts. I hate when my therapist says that, but when I do it, it helps some.

Gentle yourself in all the ways you've learned. It's so hard to do when we're triggered and dissociating...but all those little things that we dismiss as useless or too hard when we're in an overwhelmed exhausted state anchor us to the present a little...take a little of the overwhelm away.

I'm sending you peaceful and soothing energy. Hope it comes through.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Sorry guys I never responded back. I ended up taking several meds to make me sleep. I was at the point that I knew if I didn't I would end up needing to go to the ER. As is I still had a nightmare/flashback and I realized why I quit taking sleeping meds, they make it harder to snap out of it.

The only reason I'm up now is Bristol had to go outside. I feel like death warmed over, but I don't think I'm in as much of a crisis mode now.

@Justmehere I couldn't call her last night because I don't have an emergency number for her. I am conflicted about calling her today....

 

[FindingMyself88]

I just got off the phone with my therapist.. she talked with me for 20 minutes. She went through the container exercise with me again and told me to do some others.. She wants me to go for a walk at the park with Bristol and try to do some things to get my mind off it. She says the crying was actually a good thing, but in moderation.. I do have an orientation tomorrow to start volunteering at the humane society and she wants me to go to church on Sunday if I think I can. She wants me to remind myself that I am safe in the now, that they are just memories.

She said she was glad I called, that she needs to know about these times when we are processing things and that if I need to check in again today I can call and leave her a voicemail. She has clients all day but she said it might help just to call..

 

[FindingMyself88]

doing a bit better, but not much. Ended up making an emergency trip to my hometown 3 hours away because Bristol started having blood in her urine and was in pain. She passed a stone and has a UTI. The vet put her on antibiotics and I am adding cranberries to her supplements. I was a complete mess on the way home. Didn't sleep much at all last night.. it's going to be a long weekend :( Just glad my girl is okay. She definitely isn't herself, but she seems not to be in pain so that is good.