Not doing well... whine whine whine

[Muttly]

June is a bad month for me. Lots of triggers around father's day and my birthday. And this month we extra stressed because of financial concerns (Again). And our therapist suggested we work on June issues this year and some insider latched onto the idea. And we found a new part which is super triggering and scary... all that to say we haven't really slept in 48 hours or so and didn't have much sleep ebfore that. And we are full of self-destructive thoughts and not sure we can hold it together. I mean, it's not a big deal if we self-injure. not really. our body is coverd in scars so a few more, big deal. but some of us want to do more serious stuff that would put the body at risk. And we know how we are when we get like this. if we start self-injuring we gonna have a hard time stopping.

and please dontt tell us to go to the er (A&E) cuz we wont. and we can't afford it. we really cant. we still struggling to pay off our medical bills and don't have enough money for food or mortgage

this post is probably really stupid. sorry

 

[ChildofGod]

Hello Muttly. I am sorry you are struggling so hard right now. I am sorry it's a hard time for you. I hope you get sleep soon.

Your post isn't stupid at all. I don't have any solutions, just to let you know that you matter, you're important and your feelings are valid.

Can you find any alternatives for self harming? Maybe taking an old pillow or you don't need or want and scream into it.

I really hope that you both feel better and get some sleep as well.

(Sometimes hospitals have financial aid, I don't know if you qualify or not.)

 

[FauxLiz]

@Muttly your post is not stupid and I am sorry you are feeling like this and have been all month. I completely understand the lure of self-harming and the knowledge that once you start you may not stop. I also understand about not going to the ER, is there something that you can do to get your mind off of things like check out a book at the library? Go for a walk on a favorite path? Are there any local community gardens that give away excess produce? That can help with food costs and you might get to help tend the plants which can be a distraction.

I am sorry I don't have a lot of ideas I can suck at regulating most of the time.

 

[Ronin]

Ok, you don't have to work on those issues, since they are month issues... they will be there another year. Just because a T said it does not mean you have to.

(Even less given it is throwing you into such a chaos.)

What makes the newbie scary?

SI is big deal. If you got the option to not even start, don't go there.

Can you rest even if not sleeping?
Or find something else relaxing?

 

[Muttly]

we reached out to our T. I guess we actually made it clear what's going on so she talked to us on the phone for a while. that calmed things down a bit. we also cuddled with our dog and managed to eat a tiny bit

you all have given us some good suggestions and so did t. maybe things have calmed down enough that we can try to act on some of the good suggestions

@Ronin *I* know that we just because T suggested that this year we deal with june stuff, we don't have to. But others latched onto the idea and won't let go or drop it.

 

[Ronin]

But others latched onto the idea and won't let go or drop it.

Eating & sleeping are first June issues to mind. :)
Not getting hurt, other June issue to mind.

You got this, whole you.
Well done on reaching out. Here & to T, alike.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Muttly, do you have a younger part?

I am regressing and my addict brain and self destructive brain came to the surface but I decided to buy some legos and see if that helps some. Play that just isn't for kids that you can get lost in that can possibly pacify some of those urges. Just wondering if it could help.

Maybe not. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Not a great feeling at all! In the same boat. :hug:s!

 

[Freida]

Don't really have any suggestions but ---- this is not whining. You are asking for specific ideas to address a specific issue. That's finding ways to care for yourself....kind of the total opposite of whining. :hug:

 

[Muttly]

@Freida and @Ronin thank you.

@lostforgottensoul We have DID. We have many little ones.

Last night we took a bit more trazedone than normal. Still within prescribed limits. We actually slept. Today when our alarm went off to go to work we got out of bed and fainted. We have a history of low blood pressure and since we haven't been sleeping, (not eating well either) and then had the extra traz it's not surprising. We banged our arm pretty hard but otherwise we are fine. We also were sick to our stomach all day yesterday. We have IBS and guess stress brought it on? (plus bad eating habits).

Anyway, we tried to get to work today but just couldn't. Called in sick. Trying not to beat self up about that. And hoping that not working will be ok. Sometimes when we have downtime is when we get the most destructive. We had planned to go back to sleep but so far that isn't happening.

T and you all definitely did help yesterday.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

We have DID

I figured.

Was just wondering if your younger parts could serve to distract you a bit? From the distructiveness?

I'm sorry you are stuggling so much! :hug:s

 

[Freida]

I know very little about DID so forgive me if this is totally off base but... Can you take the littles out to play? Like a picnic at the park or a playground or even a silly movie? It might help them get some of their negative energy out and feel cared for by the olders????

 

[Friday]

AND there was the massive climax / pretty durn big stressor of 6months with the tenant from hell FINALLY going!!! Yay! ...but... big ongoing stress to begin with, complicated being lied to/manipulated/changes in judgement, and now that the bitch is gone? What comes up? (Relief! Victory! Peace!) must come doooooooown. If you were caught on your back foot and didn’t have time to gentle that landing? Just that situation alone I would expect to thunk you down hard. Adding in all the rest? Of course things are hard right now. They’d be hard for anyone, much less someone with a stress disorder.

if we start self-injuring we gonna have a hard time stopping.

How about healthy self injury? Pushups, sit-ups, hauling wood, hiking on steep trails, learning to play a stringed instrument (even with finger callouses, playing can hurt, and building them up? Suuuuucks), etc.? Not to the point of causing damage to yourself, but to the point of growing new muscles (ouchie, ouchie, ouchie, my everything hurts / burns in a good way), and gaining new skills. Growing new muscles causes a bazillion tiny rips in the cell structure, lactic acid is released, and you will be hurting... but not damaged... and the end result is that you’re stronger and more capable, instead of damaged/infected/weaker.

Or super fun exhausting types? I’m thinking bouncy houses, here. (Bouncing is way harder than it looks). There are probably other options (trapeze, trampolines, water slides, river rafting, etc.) but I’ve got 3-2-1 Bounce on the Brain right now. I wanna go bouncing!!! :arghh;:p

I’m NOT a fan of impulsive tattoos, but if you have any you’ve been waiting on, or saving up for? Getting an outline done, or filling in an existing outline, is another option of meeting needs without needing medical attention.

Channel all that need to do/distract/feel into activities you can be proud of and enjoy right down to the ground, instead of self harm & self destruction.