Not Ok


At the risk of saying the exact wrong thing, maybe it's time to reconsider? I mean, I had to try a bucketload of meds before landing with my current combo. But with the genetic testing now, that search for the right meds with limited side effects could be a lot quicker.
No worries. I've been on everything (including the atypical antipsychotics) that currently has a generic and is affordable. I started 40 years ago, so that's quite a lot of different meds and med combinations. They have either not helped or caused significant and often long-lasting side effects.
It is true. It will get better.
I hear this a lot. And I'm not trying to be difficult in my response, only realistic. I've had issues with significant depression and lack of joy since I was in 9th grade. I'm 61 now. Yes, there are spaces that are better. But generally--overall--sometimes it just does not get better. I am trying to figure out how to live with that.
You will get to the point where life is worth being around for. Life really is worth it, even though that definitely doesn't seem true right now.
Yeah, again...not trying to be difficult, but it's been almost 5 decades and "life really is worth it" continues to sound like BS to me.
When super depressed... best thing you can do is move your butt out the door and start walking. Just walk anywhere, but the mild exercise will typically do the trick to help.
I do that nearly every day. And it doesn't help for longer than the two or three minutes I see a bird or a chipmunk or a family of mallards. I've had periods of time when I've belonged to a gym because everybody was telling me that if I exercised, I'd feel better.

I didn't.

I eventually had to stop because the pain was so bad I couldn't manage it anymore. But I do walk, I do get out in the air. When I feel like this, I feel horrible. I want only to go back in and go to bed. When the depress;ion is lighter, it helps momentarily. But again, not the exercise, but rather the animals, the trees.

Not trying to be argumentative; I'm just super frustrated.

Thanks for all of your responses. I appreciate every one of you.


sometimes it just does not get better. I am trying to figure out how to live with that.
This seems like a good point of focus to me. I wonder about the definitions of good and better and whether those might be shifted just as an experiment?
not the exercise, but rather the animals, the trees.
This very much resonates with me. When I am able to make eye contact with a bird, or sense the wisdom of an individual tree I feel held by my undeniable connection to nature. It feels real and yet untenable. When I have SI that feeling is almost unknowable. Oddly, for me, talking to someone on the crisis line now has a connection with nature, because when I was being abused all I had was nature but now I have my words and the ability to receive. So I added good people to the comfort of nature. Hadn’t realized that until just now writing it out.

Speaking of animals, I’m curious about the cats, what part do they play in your perspective?


I'm glad you have the cats and that they are enough of a reason to be here.

I hear how unrelenting this is for you.

If being in nature are things that help, are there ways of being in nature more often?
Fill your home with (cat friendly) plants? Bird feeders at every window?
@whiteraven it's ok, glad you are being honest.

I think the ~"it's worth living for" is always contrasted to the perceived relief to not be, for me. Not sure if it's the same for you? Don't feel it's worth living for without family or prominent career. 'Purpose' isn't what I can afford to focus on.

Also find many people (me included) had greater challenges when body broke down and didn't enable me to do as I used to.

Great with your cats, whom you love. Do you love other things or people? Do you remember a time when it was less protracted, and what you were doing/ thinking then? Does it have to do with forseeing no difference in the future? Do you have so much emotional pain or damage or mistrust it makes connection difficult or too frightening? (All of these things apply to myself one way or another, perhaps for you also?)

Have you ever thought that if you find a way through this, you will have the answer many people need who totally relate? Because I'm a big believer in when something isn't working, there's a reason. And when you find the reason it's great steps (if not leaps) towards solving it.

The brain makes tracks and associations more quickly and easily when we repeat them. Big ships need small steps to turn around..