Not Sure How To Apply Facts...

[IrisL]

So I read a lot ... Maybe too much about PTSD ... My head is overwhelmed... Which just make on myself a harder critic.
So okay we have dissociation, negative thoughts ... And so on and so on...

I'm not even get it if I'm talking negative!!! Or if I recognise it to I'm talking to myself negatively than I try to change it or I'm trying to not to change the positive, but at the end is always in ending up with myself you are shit and worthless and cripple and you can't do nothing... Etc.

The worst I want to do something I want to create the things what I can - like almost for a year stitching up a leather bag and it's almost done and I just can't make myself to move... How I can make myself to move to do the things and not just think of it?
Mid makes me so sad than I start to think or sometimes I'm just thinking and not doing nothing... And like I'm frozen and just thinking and can't move and I know what is that but I can't make myself to do something for myself...
Why the hell I have problem with to make something for myself? Why I can't exist for myself? Why I can't help to myself? And why my thoughts always turning negative even when I'm horrible trying....

I can't speak to my boyfriend about these, he told me he got bored of it and everything always about me...
Sometimes I feel he not makes the things easier .., more likely opposite...
But what ever I don't want to depend on him to help to me...

How is that you know the concept but you are unable to do so...
I feel myself just spinning.

And I can't even write down the thing ... And feels like struggle.

I don't know how to help to myself...

What does it mean you care about yourself?

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Iris,
please be gentle with yourself:hug:
have you listened to any of this?

a small group of us are working through it, listening to about 10 minutes each day (it's probably best if you download the audio as youtube keep taking it down over copyright issues).
Breathing exercises and mindfulness seems to be a way of calming the unconscious parts of the brain and also the bodily reactions to trauma and distress - it's a slow process to make friends with those parts of ourselves, and calm them - but it does seem to work.

Sorry that your BF is not being very supportive.
I tried to send you a private message but your in box was full.
@

 

[IrisL]

Thanks... Sorted out my letter box... Sorry

Quite understandable he is fed up to listening my negative self talk and the "I don't know nothing" ....

What does it mean if someone support you? He says he did and does...
Does the support means what the receiver needs? Or does it means what the giver want or can give?

 

[Ronin]

Hey @IrisL, are you sure your communication is working? Since it sounds he could try harder, as so far he's claiming you're a burden of some sort and shouldn't 'bother' him, which to me doesn't sound twice supportive?

And hey, as to negative self talk? I don't think we'd all be here if we didn't know that one. It's okay if you can't get through it straight away.

 

[Anarchy]

What does it mean if someone support you? He says he did and does...
Does the support means what the receiver needs? Or does it means what the giver want or can give?

That is deep

from a personal point of view Ive fallen in love with a Zen koan:

Chao-Chou fell over in the snow and called for some monks to come and help him get up. One of the monks went over and lay down in the snow with him. Eventually Chao-Chuo got up and walked away

 

[IrisL]

No I don't know how to communicate
A lots of time I think he attacks me, when he just try to help and a lots of time I can't describe my things .... And struggle to tell what is inside - can't put in words or don't have courage for it...
So the problem I think is more me because I don't get basic human behaviour.. Sometimes I just got blank... And what's that means? Don't know so assume (negativity) that's a bad one - react is a bad one because I don't understand or don't know the gesture ... Is flipping hard with me honestly... Sometimes I feel sorry to him... Sometimes I'm potty myself or just say to myself I'm so dumb stupid to I can't communicate... No clue how to
Neither sure what should I read about that...
Now I'm trying to read books on mindfulness from a Vietnamese monk.
So I'm trying to go deeper is Buddhism and sames... Quite hard to adopt yourself... But I'm trying, but I don't think I'm trying enough hard. That's because I let myself to be negative.