I'm struggling with this concept for the same reason I struggle with seeing it as abusive. But I do see that, for my sons sake, I may need to strip everything down, pull it apart and be willing to reframe.I get it. For me, I would look at it from the perspective that this child will eventually grow into an adult. And I think that most adults would agree that they understand that they would have to be removed from a situation where someone is repeatedly abusing both their mom and themselves. And that they would appreciate this in adulthood, even if they might not understand or it might cause some short-term harm in childhood.
My son does struggle in many ways. And that's likely to di with the dynamics at home as well as his own issues. I'm also obviously a part of that. I'm just trying to gauge how much of a part his dad's anger and low tolerance and high frustration levels are a part of it. And whether it's my role to separate to take him away from that (my son) or if separation could do more damage.
My son would still see his dad but this time without me. He would have to deal with it on his own.