I'm feeling increasingly upset by my partner's rage. Hence why I'm writing late at night because when I go to bed (I sleep on my own), everything comes out. Can't stop crying.
Not sure if I'm being over sensitive or too dramatic and I know people go through alot worse. But I feel very alone with this and feel like I've lost perspective on it all. I don't know whether it's me.
My partner isn't an abuser but he lacks the ability to manage his difficult emotions. These over spill sometimes. There's a spectrum- he can be very sarcastic, points a finger alot, he can get angry and frustrated easily. He's never hit me or our son (but he has got physical with him during angry outbursts - which we've addressed and he has stopped. But he lashes out with words sometimes). He does love our son and does demonstrate this.
But, he also sometimes rages big time. I don't mean gets a little angry for a few seconds, I mean full on non stop rage for a while. Shouting, making rude gestures at me, shouting at me (blaming me for things), calling me bitter - basically he makes me out to be the bad one. ,He rarely (but can) punch things, he smashed something the other day, I think by accident. He makes faces and contorts his body in a way i didn't know was possible and screams as loud as he can. The neighbours can hear. It's really mortifying. When he did it last i just went numb for a long time.
Like i said, it doesn't happen often, but over the years, it's happened consistently. And then there are all the other spectrum behaviours inbetween. and I'm only just beginning to realise i don't think he's going to stop it. But then I'm not perfect either
I'm upset because we sat down to talk about it after (like 10 days after - I told him we need to know also how to manage it with my son). I expected him to apologise. He said he already did (he had very quickly in passing in public when there wasn't time to talk about it). Then he went on to justify why he raged this last time and started to get angry again with me. I really thought he'd understood he can't go around doing that especially in front of our son. But he just tried to protect himself in it all. This is one thing which is so upsetting. There has been alot of invalidating of my feelings over the years and I know he's gas lit me for a long time - and my son. But I think due to a lack of awareness- not on purpose.
For the first time i got angry back and voiced my thoughts. I told him my perspective. I think some of it did go through because he stopped being angry and started listening. But by that point I lost it and had to leave.
I'm very sad. I just feel increasingly I'm trapped and don't know what to do about it. I'm also ill atm so may be more emotional than usual.
What am I asking? I don't even know. I'm confused as to what all of this is. Am I over reacting?
Not sure if I'm being over sensitive or too dramatic and I know people go through alot worse. But I feel very alone with this and feel like I've lost perspective on it all. I don't know whether it's me.
My partner isn't an abuser but he lacks the ability to manage his difficult emotions. These over spill sometimes. There's a spectrum- he can be very sarcastic, points a finger alot, he can get angry and frustrated easily. He's never hit me or our son (but he has got physical with him during angry outbursts - which we've addressed and he has stopped. But he lashes out with words sometimes). He does love our son and does demonstrate this.
But, he also sometimes rages big time. I don't mean gets a little angry for a few seconds, I mean full on non stop rage for a while. Shouting, making rude gestures at me, shouting at me (blaming me for things), calling me bitter - basically he makes me out to be the bad one. ,He rarely (but can) punch things, he smashed something the other day, I think by accident. He makes faces and contorts his body in a way i didn't know was possible and screams as loud as he can. The neighbours can hear. It's really mortifying. When he did it last i just went numb for a long time.
Like i said, it doesn't happen often, but over the years, it's happened consistently. And then there are all the other spectrum behaviours inbetween. and I'm only just beginning to realise i don't think he's going to stop it. But then I'm not perfect either
I'm upset because we sat down to talk about it after (like 10 days after - I told him we need to know also how to manage it with my son). I expected him to apologise. He said he already did (he had very quickly in passing in public when there wasn't time to talk about it). Then he went on to justify why he raged this last time and started to get angry again with me. I really thought he'd understood he can't go around doing that especially in front of our son. But he just tried to protect himself in it all. This is one thing which is so upsetting. There has been alot of invalidating of my feelings over the years and I know he's gas lit me for a long time - and my son. But I think due to a lack of awareness- not on purpose.
For the first time i got angry back and voiced my thoughts. I told him my perspective. I think some of it did go through because he stopped being angry and started listening. But by that point I lost it and had to leave.
I'm very sad. I just feel increasingly I'm trapped and don't know what to do about it. I'm also ill atm so may be more emotional than usual.
What am I asking? I don't even know. I'm confused as to what all of this is. Am I over reacting?
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