Hello,
I recently started a new job and I met a work colleague who has some serious issues, which I have become involved in. However i am trying to figure out if it is PTSD or manipulation.
I thought the relationship started off pretty innocently, but a few weeks in I thought she started having feelings for me, which was a little awkward and I didn't know how to handle that, she started treating me hot and cold at times. She was telling me some personal things which at the time I figured that she told others. She also told me she didn't have self worth and that her family didn't think her worthy.
It got to the point where we needed to have a chat about her treating me differently then others and me being awkward with that. During the conversation she started recalling conversations we had had months earlier, and some that I have with other people at work. Then told me she is just a superficial carer. Then she questioned why I cared about her? I had to walk away at that stage, because I felt like a complete dill for caring.
A couple of days later we decided to finish the conversation to try and resolve a few things. I asked her if it would be easier for her if I left or if we set boundaries for just a purely working relationship. At this point she said she didn't want this and even broke down crying. She admitted that she does care and not just superficially. She also told me that she had never discussed any if the deep things we has discussed with anyone else, with the exception of her doctor. We ended the conversation on a pretty good note.
On the weekend I sent her a text asking her what exactly made her cry, so that I didn't take her to the point again.
Monday at work, she was pretty angry and told me she was in emotional overload and didn't want to talk to me. I wrote her a letter, basically explaining that I knew how hard it was for her to tell me those things and how vulnerable she was, but that I too was vulnerable.
A few days later I asked her to either tell me to back off or tell me what had happened since or great conversation.
She told me she wanted a strictly professional work relationship. I said okay I respect that. She took off after that and left work. I was then called in to the bosses office and was told basically the same thing, I said okay I respect that.
I took a few days off after all the emotional draining. When I got back to work, she was like good morning, I asked her to please give me some space and no good morning etc. I was called back in to the bosses office and asked what happened. That same day I noticed some and bandages on the back of her hands.
The next day I had a conversation with another coworker and she told me that she self harms and that most people think that she is a manipulative person and to watch out.
Friday at work she started calling me mate and I said please don't call me that, we aren't even at a place where we say hello or goodbye, she said but I am.
She never socialise, but this weekend she turned up to a golf staff event and then the after social event which was a shock, because none of the people she says she is comfortable with were there. She didn't stay long. Then tonight she is having dinner at my neighbours (we live in a relative small community), who is also a co worker.
I'm not sure what to make of all this. She has told me in the past that she puts on a protective layer, but other people are telling me to be careful as it is manipulation. I know that she didn't have a very good relationship with her parents, in particular her Mum. I see the scars from self harm and the recent ones on her hands, which are in a strange spot to accidentally injure.
I am not sure what to do.
Cheers
I recently started a new job and I met a work colleague who has some serious issues, which I have become involved in. However i am trying to figure out if it is PTSD or manipulation.
I thought the relationship started off pretty innocently, but a few weeks in I thought she started having feelings for me, which was a little awkward and I didn't know how to handle that, she started treating me hot and cold at times. She was telling me some personal things which at the time I figured that she told others. She also told me she didn't have self worth and that her family didn't think her worthy.
It got to the point where we needed to have a chat about her treating me differently then others and me being awkward with that. During the conversation she started recalling conversations we had had months earlier, and some that I have with other people at work. Then told me she is just a superficial carer. Then she questioned why I cared about her? I had to walk away at that stage, because I felt like a complete dill for caring.
A couple of days later we decided to finish the conversation to try and resolve a few things. I asked her if it would be easier for her if I left or if we set boundaries for just a purely working relationship. At this point she said she didn't want this and even broke down crying. She admitted that she does care and not just superficially. She also told me that she had never discussed any if the deep things we has discussed with anyone else, with the exception of her doctor. We ended the conversation on a pretty good note.
On the weekend I sent her a text asking her what exactly made her cry, so that I didn't take her to the point again.
Monday at work, she was pretty angry and told me she was in emotional overload and didn't want to talk to me. I wrote her a letter, basically explaining that I knew how hard it was for her to tell me those things and how vulnerable she was, but that I too was vulnerable.
A few days later I asked her to either tell me to back off or tell me what had happened since or great conversation.
She told me she wanted a strictly professional work relationship. I said okay I respect that. She took off after that and left work. I was then called in to the bosses office and was told basically the same thing, I said okay I respect that.
I took a few days off after all the emotional draining. When I got back to work, she was like good morning, I asked her to please give me some space and no good morning etc. I was called back in to the bosses office and asked what happened. That same day I noticed some and bandages on the back of her hands.
The next day I had a conversation with another coworker and she told me that she self harms and that most people think that she is a manipulative person and to watch out.
Friday at work she started calling me mate and I said please don't call me that, we aren't even at a place where we say hello or goodbye, she said but I am.
She never socialise, but this weekend she turned up to a golf staff event and then the after social event which was a shock, because none of the people she says she is comfortable with were there. She didn't stay long. Then tonight she is having dinner at my neighbours (we live in a relative small community), who is also a co worker.
I'm not sure what to make of all this. She has told me in the past that she puts on a protective layer, but other people are telling me to be careful as it is manipulation. I know that she didn't have a very good relationship with her parents, in particular her Mum. I see the scars from self harm and the recent ones on her hands, which are in a strange spot to accidentally injure.
I am not sure what to do.
Cheers
