Not Sure What To Do Next

[abbynormal1929]

I never know what catagories to post under, discussions is kind of my default.

By the deffinition of multiple books, and web sources, my wife is emotionally abusive. I could go on about specific examples, but she gaslights me all the time, she minimizes when I having a hard time with anything, in the past she alluded to suicidal ideation when she thought I was going to leave her, she deflects blame even when there wasn't much blame to be placed at all, she cant take criticizem, she gets defensive at the drop of a hat, she refuses therapy of any kind, she demands attention no matter what I might be in the middle of at the time, she makes me feel guilty for spending (not that we have that much money), she'll tell me she wants me to be comfortable in our home and that I can choose day to day things, but then shoots down any ideas or opinions I have.

Its kind of a repeating pattern of relationships/friendships from the past. What makes it more difficult is that she is a victim of physical, and emotional abuse in the past, and as much as I know I have to take care of myself there is no denying that she was profoundly abused most of her life.

I however, was at a doctors office yesterday talking about an upcomming surgery with anesthesiologists, and urologists. And thinking about incisions being made into my abdomen, and I felt more comfortable there than in our apartment. I'm almost looking forward to sugery just to get me away from the house, and I'm really not looking forward to surgery.

She and her family are also calling me "Daddy" of her child with autism, when I'm not a custodial parrent, and have dont even have experience babysitting, or with a younger relitive.

All of this is extremely trying on symptoms of depression, anxiety, depersonalization, ect...

I just don't know if I should try and set boundaries, and try to make it work, or if I should give up and leave... my brain is just overloaded, and I just don't know.

Comment if you like. Thank you...

 

[Sweet_E]

Wow, she sounds like a handful. You certainly don't need that on top of the ptsd.

I would definitely talk to a therapist. If a therapist agrees that she is legitimately abusive, you probably need to remove yourself from the situation.

 

[abbynormal1929]

Working on the therapist, I had one, then she left the practice, and it was a hastle finding getting a new one in the same practice and then I got new insurance in january and the local counseling office doesn't accept it. Now we're working on a sliding scale, but I hope to be able to keep my appointment Friday.

oh and she also makes fun of me, then says she's kidding, and I'm too sensitive...

 

[Nessa7]

Why do you want to stay with your wife?

 

[abbynormal1929]

Wish I had a good answer to that, it mostly comes down to that the thought of hurting her hurts. I could come up with a number of logistical reasons that would just be a pain like going through a divorce, and have to move back to my mom's in another state but those aren't really reasons.

 

[abbynormal1929]

In all fairness, I should mention most of these things do not happen constantly, it's more evident now cause we're having money issues. I do still love her too. It's just frustrating because I don't know what to expect.