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Childhood Not sure what to do with these

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Heya thanks for asking. I haven't received a call back from anywhere I have tried or left a message so far. Feels pretty weird, trying not to be wigged out by it. Have another place I am calling tomorrow morning. Actually had a pretty good day yesterday. I am casual friends with the neighbor lady. She is the same age as my mother, but she is really sweet and is home most of the time on some sort of government aid. I've never asked what for, but I think she might be schizophrenic. Real sweetheart, though. She lost her keys yesterday so we spent a while looking for them, finally found them and then stayed up pretty late just smoking cigarettes and talking. She is so pleasant to talk with. Very open minded and doesn't get upset over disagreeing about anything, she actually just likes to learn about other views, same as me. So we had good interesting conversation and she showed me her artwork collection. She likes to go dumpster diving and to thrift stores and collect unusual and old art stuff, the inside of her house looks all sorts of eclectic and interesting. It was just really nice to have someone friendly and relaxed to spend some time with, really grateful she is my neighbor.
 
Mine too !!! To just have a normal day... with someone you like and feel comfortable with.... happy to hear you had a great day. Hope you go see this lady more often. Sounds like it's good for both of you....
 
Today I called the number on the back of my Medicaid card. I was bounced around a few times and had to call a couple extra numbers, but finally I was on the line with someone who could tell me which psychiatrists in my whole area will actually take my insurance, since so far everywhere else I had called either would not accept me (no out of pocket patients accepted, and did not take my insurance) or never called me back. The staff member on the phone said there were three places in my area that were in the health insurance network I have. I called the first one, and it went to voicemail with no information, just an automated, "You have reached the voice mail inbox of this number," so I didn't leave a message and just hung up. The second one, a woman answered and I asked if it was the office of Dr. suchandsuch, and she just said transferred me to a voice mail box without saying anything, so I didn't leave a message and just hung up again. The third one, though, I finally got somewhere. They said the way it works is that I have to agree to try therapy for 2-5 months, depending, before they will make a request to have me see the psychiatrist. They said this is because the psychiatrist is overloaded with patients, and then many patients just stop showing up, so seeing one of the therapists for a while helps to filter out people who just try to get certain types of drugs (I am guessing she meant one's that have street value and get abused) and then quit showing up. She said, though, that since I am just wanting an anti-depressant, that chances are that I won't have to wait very long before my assigned therapist will put in a request for me. There was one therapist in their facility who takes my insurance plan, so they scheduled me to see her for the first time on July 11th, so roughly 3 weeks from now. It was the earliest they had but they said that once the first session is done, that the therapist will be able to schedule me for closer visits than 3 weeks apart. So it's a bit of a wait but at least I found somewhere that will take me and I have an official appointment now. Also they said no copay with the insurance plan, which means that I don't have to rely on my mother at all to do this, which is a massive relief. The last time I tried therapy, my mother butted herself in quite a bit and basically ruined it. Like she showed up to the first session and told the therapist that I was a liar and not to trust me, and have 'her version' of the 'story' and so on. With this current situation, I don't even have to tell my mother where I am going or who I am seeing, which I won't. I know that is probably the underlying reason my mother was trying to make me doubt myself (saying I sound wimpish on the phone) and pressuring me to let her make the calls. She just recently after I got this appointment 'offered' to take the day off work and drive me to the appointment. I said no thanks and she went silent. So now I guess that weird tension game is on. Like she probably knows I don't want her involved, for obvious reasons, and I'm not going to even tell her where my appointments are or the name of the therapist. But of course the really good news is that I am going to have free therapy, which can probably only help. So hallelujah. Thanks for all the support, everyone. I'm glad I didn't give up, finally getting somewhere with it.
 
And we are glad also, that you didn't give up.... happy to hear you at least have something to look forward to, and you are good at waiting.... so won't be long and you will have some much needed help.... thanks for letting us know....we do really care about people who come here in the shape you were in when you first posted.. so it is a giant reief that you will be getting help and won't have to rely on her....
Very proud of you for going forward until you got help.... that takes a lot of courage... so keep us informed on how you are feeling in the meantime.... thinking of you and gentle hugs..
 
Thank you so much. I think everything is okay again for now. Like I've mentioned before I had a therapist who thought I had DID, and while I don't think I have that exactly, like it's not full-blown with amnesiac barriers or different personalities, I do think I have something similar, just not quite that severe or defined. It is sort of like there are parts of mind that hold onto things, but I am fully aware they exist. It's like most of the time they are chained down to speak metaphorically, but sometimes when something triggers it like those DVDs it's like the chains start breaking and all hell breaks loose in my head, and I have no idea how to soothe the different parts of my mind when it happens. It's just disorienting and kind of scary. Like they are too intense to be unleashed, but I don't want to just leave them chained up forever, either. I just don't really know how to "process" in a way that handles it right. Hopefully the therapist can help me. It's been pretty quiet and calm the last couple of days. I feel confident that I am taking steps in the right direction. Doing my job to hold down the fort but just need some help, which I am getting.
 
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