Undiagnosed Not Sure What To Think

[Owls]

Hello. this is a big step for me but I think I might have PTSD. I have recently been dealing with a lot of anger issues and I have cut myself in the past but this absolutely shocked me because I wasn't expecting it at all... I hit myself in the face the other day because I was so angry. And in some strange way I felt better. I know it doesn't solve anything or make anything better but I felt better. I keep having really creepy thoughts when I am driving around thinking about or feeling a sudden urge to crash my car into a fence or pole or over a bridge and dealing with the feelings of fighting that. I don't know what to think about this.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I know it sounds scary, but if you are hurting yourself and thinking suicidal thoughts then you need to call a professional immediately. Don't wait. Don't be afraid of what they'll think. You can't afford to hesitate. Call 911 immediately if you think you ever feel like you are going to act on these thoughts. Meet with a psychologist as soon as possible. You aren't alone and we'll be here to help you explore the trauma that led to this, but you have to get professional help for the suicidal and self harm aspects first and foremost.

 

[Owls]

Thanks love. I don't think I would ever act on the crashing my car thing I just think about what it would be like really. I just surprised myself the other day when I hit myself. It hasn't happened since then but I have fought the urge to do it again because I don't want to. I just get so angry it feels like there is something inside of me screaming trying to fight it's way out and later it is gone. Like sudden bursts of anger.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Those thoughts and the physical outburst still make me think seeing a professional is essential. It's important you get help before things escalate. Can I ask what has led you to thinking it is PTSD? You don't have to tell me if you aren't yet comfortable, but it might help myself and others give you more specific advice and support.

 

[Powder]

Hi, Owls,

I can relate to everything you said and actually had this bridge driving issue hardcore years ago. In my mind, it was the SSRI's I was taking, as this was all new with that drug. My hands would shake as part of me wanted to drive off the bridge and the other part was fighting it. The thoughts were coming fast and caught me off guard, so my hands gripped the steering wheel as I fought the self-destructive sudden urge.

This is why I feel SSRI's are not a good line of treatment for PTSD. As a matter of fact, they are not a good line of treatment for those with clinical depression EITHER if that person is under their mid 20s for the increase in suicidal thinking.

Anything that "wakes" the mind after a dark period will require integration and these impulses result. Do not feel weird. This is common. But you will need to decide how you want to handle this and work through it. This is a good place. Welcome!

 

[Powder]

Also, remember that only a psychiatrist can diagnose PTSD with clinical accuracy in a way that other mental health professionals will credit. And the self-destructive "cutting" tendencies are usually an indication of dissociation, which may not be directly related to PTSD. Some with PTSD do not have dissociation in their diagnosis, but some do. And others have Dissociative Disorders on their own. And there could be other diagnostic codes and other aspects involved that I have no knowledge about, which is why I would take everything you are feeling that you can describe verbally to a psychiatrist with a good reputation for diagnosis. After you get your diagnosis, you can do what you want with it, take it to another therapist, or seek out your own brand of healing.

I am not a believer that one size fits all therapy works. Like anything else in life, it will unfold in ways unique to the individual. Trusting yourself to work this out in your way is part of that. I hope this site is a helpful feedback loop, mirror, and social network for that purpose for you.

Take care of yourself,

Muse

 

[Owls]

Well I have always just thought it was depression associated with hormonal imbalance. But I have been talking to a friend who has been diagnosed with PTSD and he told me that I should be tested for it because all of my I guess symptoms are similar. So I started doing some research and that is when I found this forum and started reading the posts of others. Most of the stuff they talk about is stuff that I am experiencing. It's kind of scary actually. I have kind of grown comfortable with the thought of it being the former. I never thought that I could be someone who has PTSD and maybe I don't. But things are making too much sense now for me to not talk to a professional I guess I am just too scared.

 

[Zef]

Hey Owls,
Please do hang out here and learn as much as you can. At the same time, I do want to parrot (bird analogy intended :) ) the other posters. You have a lot of warning signs that could indicate PTSD, but could also indicate other issues.

You could do things like me and wait 30+ years to ask somebody professional what all this stuff is about and end up with your body breaking down or you could go today and save yourself a lot of misery. The symptoms you describe could be hormonal, could be a side effect of some treatable physical issue or could be related to PTSD or other illness.

The main thing is that you can decide to minimize it/tough it out or you can just be really curious about figuring it out and consult a person or people who are experts in this area. As a person who did the former, I would recommend being curious.

Also, about being too scared. I understand, but, trust me, facing your fear now is much easier than facing years of regret and thinking about what could have been. Go take care of yourself. Getting advice from experts is a productive strategy. . .none of us knows everything. . .well, Da Vinci did. . .but back then there was a lot less to know. . .

Best hopes for you no matter what you choose.

 

[TSG]

I didn't know I had PTSD until recently but I was told I have had it for a long time. I thought it was only for war veterans (and have since discovered that seems to be what everyone else thinks, too). For decades I have hurt myself, cutting, burning, lightly stabbing, punching walls and floors. The pain is comforting and sometimes it's the only comfort that I know or can get and it's how I take control of my pain. I will just inflict it myself in response to someone else hurting me because I can't process it any other way. Not sure if what you have is PTSD but I do know I have the same issues.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Owls,

Sorry to read of your pain.

Muse is right,

only a psychiatrist can diagnose PTSD with clinical accuracy in a way that other mental health professionals will credit.

It can be dangerous to assume anything with mental health and getting the right diagnosis is key to finding the way out.

Best of luck on your journey, x