Not Sure Where To Post

[numbfornow06]

I believe I wrote an introduction about a year ago - can't remember now. I wish I could "summarize" in a nutshell, but there is just too much -

Brief Background of my PTSD reasons/causes:

• I have six children (yes, I could stop there and most of you would understand) ;) they range from 13 down to 2. I have always homeschooled my kids. Love them - they are everything to me. I am married now for 17.5 years. Love my husband very much. He's a heavy drinker - not an alcoholic and there have been "issues" throughout the years.
• I come from a family of alcoholics. Father was one. Died when I was 17. He was completely intoxicated and hit the back of a semi.
• Mother is a Borderline Personality Disorder. She is also a prescription drug abuser and attempted suicide three years ago.
• Sister is an alcoholic. Been through rehab twice. Still drinks.
• Almost lost my life with the birth of my last child. Four hour surgery was hospitalized for five weeks - my daughter for a month. Four other high risk c-sections and four babies that went into ICU.
• Have suffered from severe migraines for 30 years (I am 42 years old). I have Graves Disease (thyroid disorder and it only flares every now and then).
• Recent move from out of state 250 miles away.

So...in a nutshell. We moved into our new home about three weeks ago. My husband is still in another state and will hopefully be getting his contract on a new job tomorrow or Friday up here in New England where we have moved. We are putting our kids in school for the first time this fall. I am very excited for them and myself. I work almost full time from home and could not continue to homeschool them and work full time. It's stressful getting five ready for school.

For the past three days I have been experiencing extreme mood swings - I am extremely irritated and aggravated at the stupidest things. I normally have EVERYTHING completely under control. I feel like I am losing it. I don't like these mood swings and they make me very, very nervous. I am having crying spells, which I never have as well.

Trigger? This past weekend friends of ours from our old hometown drove up to stay with us. They have six children as well so it was a busy and LOUD house with 18 of us. The night my husband drove in - he had worked all day - went to the old house to get things to bring up like bikes, scooters etc, drove six hours and got in and crashed. We all watched a movie until about 1 am. I was getting sheets for our guests and heard a loud crash in the bathroom. Husband had completely passed out. Hit his head on the ceramic tile and was gray/white. I couldn't wake him. I freaked out screaming for our guests (one is a cop and one is a former EMT thank God). We brought him around and he went to the hospital where he was said to be exhausted and dehydrated.

It's been since they all left. I am very, very tired and irritated, grumpy and aggravated at everything. My husband is worried about me because I feel like I am on the edge and it frightens me. I have transcribed emergency medicine for years and I think of all those patients I have typed with suicidal ideations and/or attempts and never understood what could drive someone to the brink. I stood on the brink just two nights ago, but not for my children. I don't know if what I am experiencing is trauma from DH's fall, the move, combination of it all.....

I take two antidepressants; one is an SSRI and one is Elavil to help prevent migraines. I am already on Klonopin as well. I am worried about me for the first time......

Thanks.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Hi numbfornow06,

It definitely sounds like you have a ton on your plate. Any one of the factors you mentioned could explain your irritability and aggravation. It's probably a complicated combination, but I don't think the immediate trigger is essential to know because there is nothing you can change to make it undone. The important thing is that your needs are met now so that you can take care of yourself, your husband, and your kids.

Is your husband in your new home with you now after recovering from his fall? Can you both write up a plan or a chart for sharing responsibilities so that neither one of you is as overwhelmed? What about including the kids with small age-appropriate tasks? The latter may add more stress, but it may help everyone feel connected in the new home.

If you need someone to talk to, could you contact a crisis line for your state just to have someone to talk to? They have trained counselors working 24/7. It doesn't need to be a suicide hotline per se and you can clarify that you are not planning on hurting yourself because of your kids, but that you need someone to talk to. It is possible that the crisis line can connect you to immediate resources in your new community (e.g. babysitters, shopping help, summer activities for the kids, etc...) while you take care of yourself and get the house ready. Who knows? Maybe your new community has a neighborhood help plan or members of religious organizations who would be able to volunteer until you get settled in and feel better.

If there are concrete things you know which would be helpful you could also contact the county and explain the situation. As your husband was just in the hospital, the hospital social worker should also be available as a resource to you...

Of course posting on this site is always an option...

Take care!

 

[amethist]

Will this help, I just looked at your list of posts and found it for you. If you click on your avatar, the box will show you various bits of info, including how many post you have posted. Click on the number and it takes you to your list of posts.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/suffering-for-32-years.11658/[/DLMURL]

Amethist

 

[numbfornow06]

My husband left Sunday. He still has a job in our old state. He hopefully will get the offer letter up here tomorrow. Then he will give his two weeks notice and be up here full time starting in two weeks. I am so leary of social workers - I know in a couple of months things will be back to normal...I hope anyway. I think I just get so tired of being tired and down in the dumps. I know some truly happy people and I just scratch my head and wonder what it would be like to be like them. I can't remember the last time I felt happy for any consistent length of time. Like life's hardships have chipped away at all the happy cells in my body leaving me with little reserve. *shrug* I am assuming we will all come out of this funk. Thank you for the advice DGN.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

I understand being leary of social workers...

For now can you focus on some fun and relaxing times with your kids? Playing games at a park, a lake, a swimming pool... or just taking them to a play ground. Flying kites can also be great fun with 6 kids. My best friend also has 6 kids and we did that a couple of years ago. She also has a German Shepherd who loves to play with my service dog.

Keep posting, if you feel up to it... Even though I do not know you personally, please know that I genuinely care...

 

[numbfornow06]

Thank you so much! Sometimes taking them all out is VERY stressful lol. I have a 2, 5, 6, 8, 9 and 13 year old. The older two are a very good help, but man - trying to keep up with the three little ones is more stressful then enjoyment. We do take walks in the woods - here in New England it's just so pretty, and I find that relaxing. I rarely EVER relax. I am not sure I know how? Maybe that's just the long-term depression thing. I do thank you for responding. I know with a lot of PTSD folks we do tend to isolate and I know that's what I am doing right now....isolating from everyone and everything. It's good to know there are forums like this out there just so we know we aren't alone.