Relationship Now What? How To Proceed?

[Saturday]

In a really strange turn of events, shortly after I signed up on here and introduced myself, my sufferer who left two years ago came back. She has spent two years in therapy for her ptsd and wants back in my life. I have not talked to her for two years & I have been living just fine for two years except for that underlying thread of devastation that she left that I haven't been able to shake. I think these are feelings many of you understand.

I don't want to be duped again. She says she feels so much better now and she thinks we are meant to be together. Of course I want to believe this, but whoa I am afraid. And I'm not good at setting boundaries. I'm not sure how to proceed with her. I've rejected my initial thought of, 'let's get married right away,' as too extreme and part of the problem. I need to think critically and do what is best for me, which might not be a relationship with her.

This is such a very weird second chance. I don't want to blow it...how to proceed?

 

[safenow]

I'm not good at setting boundaries.

First off, you really need to get over that. If you don't set some boundaries in life, you are going to be struggling no matter who you are with.

It's a good sign she came back into your life. It means she really did care about you. But it is also important to put yourself first in taking good care of you. I hope this makes sense to you.

I am a sufferer. I am very old, and I know how hard it is to be a care giver for those of us who have ptsd or other mental illnesses. Which is why I say, "Take care of you first." Set some good boundaries, and stick to them. Don't just say you won't do something, you have to really mean it.

Good luck. I hope you don't mind that I answered in this supporter place. I used to be a supporter.

safenow

 

[amethist]

This is such a very weird second chance.

I am a supporter and to be honest I would take everything at snails pace.

I remember trying to patch up a relationship years ago, with out PTSD involved and it was impossible. Too much water under the bridge, too many things that kept coming up from before, it was a failure from the start even though we both wanted it.

I am not saying don't try, but don't expect a too much too soon either, just in case.

 

[circe47]

I think the important thing to do is take things veeeerryy slowly. That is good advice in ANY relationship, by the way. If she is willing to take things very slowly, then it may be true that she is in a better place now. If she wants to jump right in, then she hasn't gotten much out of therapy, especially if her PTSD is due to chronic violence and having what is loosely termed CPTSD.

Part of having CPTSD is the fear of abandonment and impulsivity. In fact, the unofficial diagnosis of CPTSD closely resembles Borderline Personality Disorder. It would be wise to look into these two disorders and research as much as possible before making huge steps and committments.