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Numb or Regulated

#25
Thinking of numb & blurs & bubbles of trauma...

And photography.
As in maybe if I got bubbles of nasty trauma mess patched or covered by blurs of emoting, maybe look for what lets me zoom in / zero on goals but not that direct?

As in not going for the mark.
Targets are exhaausting as f*ck when one has just blurs.

But scooping the horizon ahead. Skylines. Land scapes. Grid points. Things that, in the landscape, will be useful. But only in a bit... not looking at using them *now* or even trying.

Just scouting around the numb.
Half closed eyes and only as far as one can see / feel to / feel themselves in.

But neither pushing, nor rushing, it.
This ain't depression to grab shovels & make a tunnel out of.
More like finding shade and camping, waiting for the sun to let one move in more actionable angles.

@Friday
 
#26
Was it genuine or did you get conditioned or adapt to present a certain way for survival?
This is a complicated question because remember -- for a lot of us numbing is a job skill. Numbing is something that was required to be able to do the jobs we were hired to do. We learned how to do it to function (and in my case then taught others how to do it) so that we didn't get overwhelmed and we could finish the task and move on to the next without losing our shit.

If we didn't have a ptsd background we would have been able to do it for the short term, as necessary, then go back to real emotions and process it. But for us? It's such a normal part of our psyche that we forget the "come back and be human" part. It's why we are so damn good at our jobs. We do it without even thinking about it.

Which sucks.
Because we forget the cost.

... and then not remembering a goddamn thing. Normal day. Totally cool and calm. Laughing and genuinely happy, even.

One part of why sadness is such a bitch, adulthood. Because it got pushed so deep down even I forgot where it is.
yep yep and YEP!
 
#27
Hey @Warrior Chicken
So I only just started to get this in the last couple of weeks, as I’ve been actually reading and trying to work out what the hell is going on with this condition rather than just trying to survive it ;)
My nan died a couple of weeks ago and I know I’m numb because I literally have no feelings about it. Regulation would mean some emotional response of any kind, but I have known this person for my whole life and it’s not affecting me at all. I am a zombie (wish there were a smiley thing for that!).

So I suppose in answer to your question the thing that lets me know I’m numb is not having what society would see as a normal response. Plus people here pointing it out to me ;) and letting me know it’s a normal part of PTSD which I hadn’t clicked before.

From all my reading I am beginning to think I have no idea (and never have had) what regulation is or feels like :roflmao:


This is a great and brave post. I suffer from a lot of the typical PTSD problems. I forgot until I was reading this post that being numb IS part of PTSD. Also that being said, thanks for the reminder about problems with emotional regulation. Be brave. U r great!
 
#28
I've witnessed emotional numbing with my ex-boyfriend. I didn't know he had ptsd, but suddenly he told me his feelings were gone and he didn't know the reason. I still wanted to be with him and figure it out together. (therapy?) Not many weeks later I found out he had ptsd and it all make sense now. He was emotionally numb for years due to trauma, and in a long time he finally had feelings again, and that was for me. And now they are gone again, it's heartbreaking :( Because of this he broke up with me, because he said I deserve better.

I've got a question for you guys. Is emotional numbing always there or do you also experience that it will go away (for a while?) And does therapy help with getting closer to you feelings (again?)
 
#29
I've witnessed emotional numbing with my ex-boyfriend. I didn't know he had ptsd, but suddenly he told me his feelings were gone and he didn't know the reason. I still wanted to be with him and figure it out together. (therapy?) Not many weeks later I found out he had ptsd and it all make sense now. He was emotionally numb for years due to trauma, and in a long time he finally had feelings again, and that was for me. And now they are gone again, it's heartbreaking :( Because of this he broke up with me, because he said I deserve better.

I've got a question for you guys. Is emotional numbing always there or do you also experience that it will go away (for a while?) And does therapy help with getting closer to you feelings (again?)
It comes and goes depending on the amount of stress going on. We are our own worst enemy with this. Something that seems small to the supporter can be the one thing to throw the sufferer over the edge.

Medication helps once you find the correct combination but that can take a while. Every person is different so not a magic drug or combination that works for all. It takes a few times to find what helps then tweak the dosage. This is a double edge sword though because meds can cause emotional blunting as well. As with therapy you have to be honest with yourself and the PDoc as to the effectiveness to make adjustments as needed.

Therapy will give you some tools to help as well but you have to be honest with yourself and with the therapist. PTSD does not have a cure but you can function to an extent. However everything usually is not as what it was prior to PTSD. We all have a really tough time accepting the “new” normal and beat ourselves up over not being able to be back to that point of comparison.

The key is to keep stress down because stress brings you right back to being symptomatic. The stress causes the cortisol release that screws up neurotransmitter balance in the brain. Which causes the nightmares, flashbacks, depression, anxiety, isolation, and avoidance, to all come roaring back to life. There are good days, months, or years and bad ones. Just have to keep fighting.
 
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