My day centers around emotions of others- regulation??

[SeekingAfrica]

I've been through childhood trauma so I think this always happened but obviously when you're a teen and so on- you get told you're dramatic and you move on.
I've noticed when someone (especially from my immediate family but aquintances too) is mad or highly upset about something and highly emotional, it sort of displaced my day entirely. If they are hurt and I can only help in some form in the evening, they will still be on my mind all day.

If someone is not in the mood however they show it or not it still affects me. If someone is mad at me it wrecks me until I can do something about it. And if it's in chat and they can't answer right away, I can't concentrate on my work until the response, and then when it (usually) resolves positively or at least neutral, I feel weak with relief. Also if that clarifies anything I was my parents emotional support growing up. And now I find it so terrifying dealing with anger to a point where I can't function and feel like throwing up for a long time.

It's taken me a lot of turmoil to recognize this as I mostly believed my reaction was appropriate to the situation but I'm now starting to see it was nit necessarily true.

That also includes things like if encountering anger or annoyance in dealing with administrative tasks(banks,documentation, we all know they can get annoyed if they deal with the same issue all day) - that also affects me even if logic tells me it's not a big deal. So you can see how that can be a problem.

I recognize being sensitive especially to your friends orclose people moods can be kind and helpful. Obsessing until there is a resolution is not.

How do I regulate that? I didn't notice it before, as I said, I was sure I had a reason, but now I'm starting to see it better.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

When you find out please let me know, I am the same way. Some little nothing will be a perceived slight to me and it will haunt me. These things should be like water on a duck’s back but to me they are concrete overshoes.

 

[sidptitala]

For me, I find that this problem is particularly intense with people I'm depending on for food or shelter. I want to say that I think it makes sense for you to feel this way because you really are dependent on your parent's moods towards you for a roof over your head - reacting this way makes a lot of sense in this context. I don't know if it would help to remind yourself of this. Because it's completely understandable that you feel that way.

I have struggled with this problem my whole life because I've been in insecure housing almost my whole life. Since getting a better situation that problem has improved almost by itself. So I just want to say if you are worrying that you will always be like this - you have no idea how much easier things can get all of a sudden once you get back on your feet. As you are now is not how you will always be. Your task for now is to try and rest.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

That is interesting, for me the dysregulation is the worst with people I love in my immediate family. Since anything that comes out of my mouth when I am dysregulated makes the situation 100 times worse I have been conditioned to not speak when I am dysregulated. I make exceptions for telemarketers, and other pests that are part of modern life. In other words I am free to let go but I am ashamed when I do.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I've also been effected by the emotions of people around me and never thought it was an actual problem. It could also be caused by you caring and don't want to be a burden as if your responsible for what other people feel, at least that's how I feel.
Overthinking is common if you grew up feeling you need to make your parents happy and if it's unresolved the feelings and stressors just gets worse with time.

 

[Friday]

Zero childhood trauma here, but I am extremely vigilant/hypervigilant about the emotions of peoples around me. Partly that’s ADHD (constant FLOOD of info most people filter out unconsciously), partly that’s trauma&PTSD (threat? Threat! threat?), partly that’s personality (I give a f*ck & want to help, if I can).

How do I regulate that? I didn't notice it before, as I said, I was sure I had a reason, but now I'm starting to see it better.

GOOD.

Having “known” you for years… you care about assholes, who “should” (by my reasoning be ignored entirely) WAY too much.

You’re with your family, now… which take random assholes (like landlords & clients)… and DWARF them. Because most of us? Would sooooo not be friends with our families. (And I have an AMAZING family, zero abuse, good people). But you still give god like attributes to people who I’d bitchslap and shout at them to back the f*ck off you, so being home? Must be like being in a crucible for you. 10,000 times more potent than the random asshole landlord or bitchy client. That? You still PROSTRATE yourself over. Your family? You’d flay yourself, for. If you could.

You’re too strong to crumble over your family. I’ve also known you too long to ever believe/expect that. Gutted/Shredded, however? Oh yeah. You gut & shred yourself over people of no matter. People of profound importance? You’d supernova over. And probably are.

How STRONG must you be, at your core, to not only survive but THRIVE such pressure? I’m in awe, frankly. The moment you can even glimpse your own strength? Is how you’ll self-regulate.

They’ll come, to begin with, in flashes & moments. Cling to those moments. REVEL in yourself. Know you’ll make mistakes you WILL regret, but keep driving forwards. Your family? Flawed as they are, as we all are, love you. That’s not a reason to collapse, but a reason to retrench.

You’re amazing, Chica. Remarkable. Strong. You forget it far too often. Remember it more.