Relationship Offers to do me a favor but is all angry now

[caligirl03]

My combat vet is here at my place putting together patio furniture for me (in 100 degree heat no less) which I realize is doing me a huge solid. He insisted on doing it even in this weather so I made sure to have plenty of H20 and popsicles on hand. So he's out there and is acting super angry and swearing up a STORM right now, saying REALLY bad things--racist, misogynistic, sacrilegious. He's not saying them at ME but at the furniture. Regardless, not a fan of him speaking that way period, and while he typically swears a lot, it's not usually the type of stuff he's saying right now. It's making me feel like why even bother offering to do someone a favor at all if you're just going to be super angry at the world while doing it. He's been sleeping like ass lately (1-2 hours tops a night) and is also quitting dip so I'm sure none of that helps. Just don't know what to do. He can tell by my attitude right now I'm not ok with how it. But I don't want to poke the bear either. Help!

 

[Sweetpea76]

In the grand scheme of things, is him cussing a blue streak at the furniture worth being upset over? Pick your battles... he's not cussing you out or acting hostile toward anything but inanimate objects. It's time to make like Elsa and let it go.

Pick your battles.

 

[Friday]

Agreed.

Some people play music whilst working, some people rain curses down from the heavens complete with lightning strikes and thunderclaps.

You could send him home, or leave him to it, but changing his personality seems like a bit of a stretch to accomplish in an afternoon. Especially a hot, sweaty, frustrating afternoon.

Personally, I’d just make a mental note not to accept any building favors from him in the future unless I’m okay with his methods.

 

[Never_falter2]

Not sure if I understand, he is calling the furniture racist names? Like „Stupid Kraut patio furniture, go back to German“? That‘s odd.

 

[EveHarrington]

I wouldn’t worry about him yelling profanities at furniture. With all the stress he’s going through, give him a pat on the back for only saying bad words to inanimate objects.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Stupid Kraut patio furniture, go back to German

I may, or may not, have cursed the whole country of Sweden when putting together some IKEA furniture. I'll never tell.

 

[Never_falter2]

:confused::p:D:D:D:D:eek::D:D:D:D

 

[OrangeJulius]

Oh my gosh I totally feel your frustration! There's also the whole thing when he suggests doing x, y, or z and seems miserable the whole time and I'm screaming in my head "you hate this! Why are we here! I don't even care about this activity!"

I've sort of chalked it up to those are things he would love to do if he didn't have PTSD and so he's gonna be better than the PTSD and do them anyways. And then the PTSD says "psych! We can do it but we're gonna do it my way." Cue creative cursing, anger, etc.

My honey is awesome and always wants to help me with similar types of things....but goodness when he gets like that I just want to say "NO! I'LL DO IT MYSELF! GO RELAX!" Most of what he offers to do is the "man stuff" so I think there's an element there too.

*shrug* I've gotten used to it. When I'm not in the mood for his attitude I do it myself when he's sleeping or at work, take the dog on a walk, or find another reason to leave so I don't have to listen.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yep... mine rains down the swear words. To be honest, I do too, and I don't have PTSD.

I'm more of the quick to frustrate variety (if it won't fit, I'll make the mofo fit... with this mallet!!!). He, oddly enough, is way more patient, but he's meticulous and a perfectionist. He was a machinist in a former life. He's also a durn good mechanic and gunsmith. He can patiently fiddle with little tiny parts and pieces, but when he gets irritated he will wax poetic on the engineer, designer, and/or manufacturer's idiocy and questionable parentage.

I put stuff together, but he'll go behind me to fix it and make it perfect anyway. May as well let him have at it. He bitches, but he enjoys it. He'd rather be the one to do it even if it pisses him off.