Ok, I have to leave...

[Freida]

Emergency custody order (f

Keep VERY specific notes. Of what she says/does with both you and kid. In some states if she hits you in front of a child that considered an additional count of DV. Write it all down. Even if you don't think it matters - because it's the kind of thing the judge will want to see -- a pattern of behavior.

I have many adult friends who's parents stayed married "for the kids" and it was a disaster. Most say they knew from a young age that they were the reason mom and dad were still married. What is surprising is how many of them blame themselves for being the reason mom and dad were so miserable. If they didn't exist mom and dad would be happy.
It always breaks my heart when I hear that.

godforsaken rainy ass state

I've heard my home state described that way too! I love the rain but most transplants are not big fans. I think you have to be born here to appreciate it!

 

[Justmehere]

I mean I can go to the closest domestic violence center, which I've been before, and they can help get the divorce and custody stuff started. I just don't know how to handle the actual moment that I leave. Any way feel free to comment, no biggie if not.

In the US: National Domestic Violence Hotline | Get Help Today | 1-800-799-7233

I’d first meet with the shelter about custody and divorce planning now, and when the moment to leave comes, a note and leaving when she’s not around would be sufficient. Get a restraining order prepared, pack up the essentials that can’t be replaced, and get out.

 

[Mach123]

Didn't mean to cause any conflict. Also I really didn't bring up the vaccinations to start a debate, just to point out that I was aftraid to tell her, or even speak my opinion about it. I don't mind being challanged on what I am saying. That being said I appreciate everyone's ongoing support, this website has been very good to me. The way things have been for years, and the way they are now, I don't see this ever turning into a healthy/equal relationship. And yes I'm a guy. ( though in certain circles I identify as gender queer, or non-binary, also something I'm afraid to being up to my wife) The name abbynormal is a reference to the mel brooks movie "Young Fankenstein" where igor brings back a cadaver with an abnormal brain because he broke the one he was supposed to bring back. And when the young doctor frankenstein asks what the persons name was, he says Abby Normal, because the brain was labled abnormal. 1929 is the year the great depression started. So there's the history of the name. Anyone can get abused regardless of gender or sexual identity. I'm not posting on here as a mental health professional, but I do have a master's in Mental health counseling and music therapy.

Any way thanks everyone for the support. In my more isolated times you all have been the only people I could talk to and I am very grateful

AbbyNormal1929

Ok and if I spoke out of turn due to my own issues, which I do and have done, I apologise. I believe in staying married but I've also written extensively on my own submissive role in my marriage. I regret that I didn't encourage you at the end of my post and say I was sorry for the situation regardless of who did what.

I hope it gets fixed or improved quickly and of course that you are safe.

 

[Friday]

And yes I'm a guy.

Apologies, there! I’m not sure why I had in my head you & your wife were a lesbian couple, which complicates custody disputes, except your situation mirrors a friend of mine so closely that I’d wondered for awhile if you were her. But she divorced her wife last summer (or the summer before last? My time sense is screwy) so I’ve known for ages you weren’t. That must have somehow stuck in the back of my mind. The connections we make, eh? Again, apologies.

Anyone can get abused regardless of gender or sexual identity.

Exactly.

 

[abbynormal1929]

No worries Friday

 

[Deanna]

Well, it so happens I have a masters degree in divorce!! Har!!! Listen.. I've been divorced 2 or 3 times.. And I was really scared what people would think on my second divorce. All I could see was someone asking me out and then asking me how many times I had been married, then dropping me off at the curb. I was petrified. I almost had a nervous breakdown over this. I remember going into a shrinks office and I couldn't remember my last name. It was that bad. Then I'd try to picture my 2nd husband sleeping with another woman.. Which kept me in the relationship a little longer and after that nothing keep me in the relationship. We all have to go through what we all have to go through to get there, and it sounds like you are there. We all, will help you, the best we can. As messed up as we all are.. We care and i've been there. I'm totally happy that you have decided to cross the finish line. Sounds like you've been very patient and kind to where some people wouldn't give a tenth of what you've given. I may be new but I've read some of your posts.

 

[freebird]

She is lying. That is how SHE jokes.

No, you can't.

Please, leave today, this minute, and go to the shelter.

Your clothes, your things, everything else can be replaced. YOU cannot. Just leave. Everything else, including time with your son, can be worked out later.

YES, THIS. Get out of there please!!! You will never get anywhere in your life with a person so backwards as that. It's a shame there are many women like that now in society. It makes me sick!!!

 

[abbynormal1929]

I will, soon. There's also stuff going on with my stepdaughter that could impact my son. She's developmentally disabled, and gets agressive. Recently she's graduated from kicking through dry wall, to kicking/trying to kick through glass windows and trying to play in the glass. Because of rules with catchment areas of community mental health centers, our options for mental health providers are somwhat limited. One of two pediatric psychiatrists will only put her on Abilify. My wife doesn't want to do that because of potental kidney problems, and increased risk of diabetes (which i don't blame her for wanting to avoid the risk). We are however low on options. I cant put her in her room to calm down anymore cause I'd be afraid she'd try to break the glass again, but I also will have trouble putting her anywhere else for the same reason. I also cant put her in her room, and supervise cause i also have a 13 month old to watch. The only 2 people that will still sit for her work odd hours, and arent the most reliable. she was kicked out of speech therapy for agression. The noise my son makes also sets her off sometimes. The people from the mental health center are making a home visit to "Check her living environment" All my wife can talk about is how they're going to say everything is her fault. I wouldn't want her on Abilify either, but things are not safe now, for my stepdaughter or anyone else in the house. I'm not sure i can watch both kids at once safely, which im supposed to all weekend next week. (shes 11 by the way, but taller and stronger than most adults in the family).

I know im way off topic, but this is the situation right now.

Oh and random unrelated comment on "Friday's" last post: People who have met me in person have sworn I'm a lesbian before, and not because of anthing about how i look (mostly my lesbian friends) so no worries about the miscomunication lol.

 

[Fadeaway]

I understand, leaving is more complicated than some people realize. Hang in there.

 

[somerandomguy]

We're all rooting for you, Abby. This is hard as hell. We're all behind you.

 

[abbynormal1929]

Thanks everybody. I will try to support other people on their posts more often. This has been a very supportive resource for me.

 

[Kubash16]

Don’t worry about us, you do you.

But I have to ask, I understand there are risks with Abilify, but how great are those risks? Are they just minimal possibilities and the help it gives her could outweigh it?