I need to talk and share with others who have a partner with PTSD. Trying to talk to family or friends has not been helpful for me. Even counsellors and therapists don't get what PTSD is or how difficult it is to live with. Have you been told to just leave your partner or have a friend tell you that you should not put up with it? There might be truth in these pieces of advice but advice is not what I am seeking here. It is support and if you too need some kind of support network then please lets co-create that right here.
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Relationship On Going Support For Partners With Someone Who Has Ptsd
- Post starter VeraEllen
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Sweetpea76
VIP Member
Welcome to the forum. We have a great supporter section here, and it is a great place to get some support and advice from people who actually live with this disorder in their relationships. There are a lot of supporters who have healthy long term relationships here.
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- #3
I will begin. This past year has been the most challenging year of my life. I have really needed to talk to someone who can relate to my situation. I am a 53 year old woman engaged to a 60 year old man who I adore. He is diagnosed with PTSD and I have anxiety which exasperates highly when he has a PTSD episode. I am a failure at dealing with them and the episodes of rage and criticism and dark moods and total withdrawal catch me off guard. Need to share and just first off know I am not alone. Please feel free to join my thread and be a light in the dark for each other without advice giving.
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Sweetpea76
VIP Member
I can understand that. I have GAD and panic disorder too, albeit I've had them since I was a kid and have learned to manage them fairly well over the years. I've been with my vet for about three and a half years. He has the PTSD-TBI combo, and is also physically disabled from Iraq. It's been a real experience, for sure. He is a wonderful man... funny and smart... but he has times where he isn't in a good place with his PTSD. Or other times he isn't doing well physically, and it exacerbates everything, including his mental health.
It is pretty hard not to be anxious when your partner lashes out or isolates. Those can both be very common symptoms of PTSD. As much like it seems like our partners hate us at the moment, it more than likely isn't about us. A lot of times we are just the closest target. It's a stress reaction. If you've been reading around this forum, you'll hear us use the term "his cup is overflowing" a lot. It's from this thread, which really helped me understand why my vet reacts the way he does sometimes. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/
It's still hard to get the hang of things though, for sure. I'm still learning every day.
It is pretty hard not to be anxious when your partner lashes out or isolates. Those can both be very common symptoms of PTSD. As much like it seems like our partners hate us at the moment, it more than likely isn't about us. A lot of times we are just the closest target. It's a stress reaction. If you've been reading around this forum, you'll hear us use the term "his cup is overflowing" a lot. It's from this thread, which really helped me understand why my vet reacts the way he does sometimes. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/
It's still hard to get the hang of things though, for sure. I'm still learning every day.
joeylittle
Sponsor
Hi, @VeraEllen, and welcome.
I've moved your thread into the Supporters section - as @Sweetpea76 said, we have a large area of MyPTSD dedicated to Supporters. Now you're in it :)
I've moved your thread into the Supporters section - as @Sweetpea76 said, we have a large area of MyPTSD dedicated to Supporters. Now you're in it :)
Purplemunchkin
Gold Member
Hi @VeraEllen
I'm another supporter. I can honestly say that without this forum I don't think I would be with my hubby.
None of our family really understand, and most friends don't. My closest friends do their best to be supportive, but I don't share everything with them as I don't want negatively colour their opinion.
Through this forum I have learnt that I am not alone, neither is he. Learning about the stress cup and how to implement my own boundaries has been invaluable.
I'm another supporter. I can honestly say that without this forum I don't think I would be with my hubby.
None of our family really understand, and most friends don't. My closest friends do their best to be supportive, but I don't share everything with them as I don't want negatively colour their opinion.
Through this forum I have learnt that I am not alone, neither is he. Learning about the stress cup and how to implement my own boundaries has been invaluable.
I'm so glad someone created this thread..
I've been having a hard time lately with being a supporter because my vet completely withdraws during an episode (he's recently started back having PTSD symptoms after being off meds for 2 years). I'm now at a lost of what to do because I really can't be a supporter if I've hardly communicated with him. I think of date, I've talked/seen him maybe three times this month and that's usually via text while he's at his dr appts or the new meds he's on are working pretty well (he tells me that they are making him happier).
Like other's here, my family and friends don't understand what's going on with him or even why I'm still with him when we've only been serious a little under 6 months. I know it's harder for vets during the holidays but I guess I just feel completely lost of what I can do.
One of my buddies that's also a ex vet that suffers with ptsd told me that its helpful that I send little encouraging messages a few times a week (my vet as said the same during the periods where we talk) but it's a little discouraging and draining for me when there's no reply. I feel selfish for even feeling that way.
I've been having a hard time lately with being a supporter because my vet completely withdraws during an episode (he's recently started back having PTSD symptoms after being off meds for 2 years). I'm now at a lost of what to do because I really can't be a supporter if I've hardly communicated with him. I think of date, I've talked/seen him maybe three times this month and that's usually via text while he's at his dr appts or the new meds he's on are working pretty well (he tells me that they are making him happier).
Like other's here, my family and friends don't understand what's going on with him or even why I'm still with him when we've only been serious a little under 6 months. I know it's harder for vets during the holidays but I guess I just feel completely lost of what I can do.
One of my buddies that's also a ex vet that suffers with ptsd told me that its helpful that I send little encouraging messages a few times a week (my vet as said the same during the periods where we talk) but it's a little discouraging and draining for me when there's no reply. I feel selfish for even feeling that way.
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- Post starter
- #9
Wow, there are people out there somewhere! Thanks and bleesed be! What a beautiful thing to hear your voices though only by text! Vet seems to be synonymous with PTSD. Not so here. Sexually abused as a child but his memory is wiped out and this he finds is the hardest as it haunts him at times not knowing. I cry inside for my sweety. But today was a good day. So blessed be!
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Sweetpea76
VIP Member
Good days make everything worthwhile!
It's confusing and depressing when contact or visits are at an all-time low.
Mine's not always good with keeping me in the loop as he says he just goes off the grid and doesn't talk to anyone, and I'm afraid to seem like a bother, checking in with him.
I have GAD, which doesn't help me with a guy who I can't always read and who is not very in tune with his own emotions, either. Lol! I feel in the dark at times, wondering if I really have a place in his life. However, I try to hang on to a couple small things he's said to me that help me to know that he wouldn't date me if he didn't want to.
Some people just think he's playing games with me, but they have no real knowledge or experience with PTSD. A lot of what my guy does seems common from what I've read. But, it's sometimes hard trying to keep the differences straight in my head about PTSD and guys that are 'players'.
I know I over think things at times, but when I wade through it all, I am able to see that I need to just stay relaxed inside and not worry so much. My brain has to keep building up a knowledge base, as I've never been with anyone like this before - PTSD, very independent and self sufficient, not good with expressing emotions...
He did once say to me that he has walls up and that he needs to let me in. So, hopefully he keeps doing so. We had dated briefly on and off over the last 4 years, but it's official this time around since October 1st. Before that, he finally told me "relationships don't work out." because he pointed out that his never did and that mine didn't. I was married my whole adult life until the end of 2010, so I didn't feel relationships were that hopeless. I think him bringing that up helped open a bit of discussion and allowed him to give things a real chance between us. Well, as real as his trust issues allow. A slow go. :)
He said he trusts me, but I think he has may still have issues of trusting that relationships can work out.
I'm glad to have found this forum, as reading both supporters and PTSD suffers issues, sure helps. :)
Mine's not always good with keeping me in the loop as he says he just goes off the grid and doesn't talk to anyone, and I'm afraid to seem like a bother, checking in with him.
I have GAD, which doesn't help me with a guy who I can't always read and who is not very in tune with his own emotions, either. Lol! I feel in the dark at times, wondering if I really have a place in his life. However, I try to hang on to a couple small things he's said to me that help me to know that he wouldn't date me if he didn't want to.
Some people just think he's playing games with me, but they have no real knowledge or experience with PTSD. A lot of what my guy does seems common from what I've read. But, it's sometimes hard trying to keep the differences straight in my head about PTSD and guys that are 'players'.
I know I over think things at times, but when I wade through it all, I am able to see that I need to just stay relaxed inside and not worry so much. My brain has to keep building up a knowledge base, as I've never been with anyone like this before - PTSD, very independent and self sufficient, not good with expressing emotions...
He did once say to me that he has walls up and that he needs to let me in. So, hopefully he keeps doing so. We had dated briefly on and off over the last 4 years, but it's official this time around since October 1st. Before that, he finally told me "relationships don't work out." because he pointed out that his never did and that mine didn't. I was married my whole adult life until the end of 2010, so I didn't feel relationships were that hopeless. I think him bringing that up helped open a bit of discussion and allowed him to give things a real chance between us. Well, as real as his trust issues allow. A slow go. :)
He said he trusts me, but I think he has may still have issues of trusting that relationships can work out.
I'm glad to have found this forum, as reading both supporters and PTSD suffers issues, sure helps. :)
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catlover26
Silver Member
Glad you are here. After divorcing my ex of 30 yrs. I met what I think is the love of my life. He knows me better than my ex ever cared to and we can have such fun together even though he is 15 yrs older than me. It has been a little over 1 1/2 yrs that I first met him at McDonald's because our power had been out for days. I was not looking to date anyone and told him that we could be friends but that didn't last. I think for the first 6-8 mos he was not being his 'true' self. We went out to eat almost every weekend. Took a few short day trips. He wanted to talk every night on the phone. Communication seemed great at times but then the slight differences in opinion he called 'arguments' and he would end up saying things that made me feel like we were breaking up although later he says that's not what he meant.
See he is an Alcoholic also and has been sober 30 yrs. I believe he felt he needed to isolate himself for these past 16 yrs as much as possible to keep sober. He said he used to have a very bad temper. So for the first year we dealt we several ups and downs because he didn't understand just what it was like to communicate with someone else that seemed negative. He couldn't stand any kind of confrontation. I guess this was because of his ptsd. I had dealt with an ex that would walk away and not talk any thing out and I just didn't want to have that again.
He had been in AA for 10 yrs and I knew how much it helped him so because of his alcoholism and my ex was a workaholic I began Al Anon in September. That has really helped me to accept him the way he is and not react to the irrational things he will say about Obama, the election, terrorists, the end of the world, etc. No matter what I said it didn't matter. I wasted my time trying to rationalize with him.
So I am happy for the good nights we have together. There are much more good nights when he is not depressed than he used to.
I had my sister tell me he was too old and was worried because he was an Alcoholic. Never mind he has been sober 30 yrs. Yes he is very complicated but he was in Vietnam and was an Alcoholic for 30 yrs and has ptsd.
It's hard. Very hard at times but we are not married so I can leave and take a break. I can be happy in the fact that I feel I know him better than anyone and if he feels bad he doesn't have to fake it anymore with me and try to be someone he's not like when we first met.
See he is an Alcoholic also and has been sober 30 yrs. I believe he felt he needed to isolate himself for these past 16 yrs as much as possible to keep sober. He said he used to have a very bad temper. So for the first year we dealt we several ups and downs because he didn't understand just what it was like to communicate with someone else that seemed negative. He couldn't stand any kind of confrontation. I guess this was because of his ptsd. I had dealt with an ex that would walk away and not talk any thing out and I just didn't want to have that again.
He had been in AA for 10 yrs and I knew how much it helped him so because of his alcoholism and my ex was a workaholic I began Al Anon in September. That has really helped me to accept him the way he is and not react to the irrational things he will say about Obama, the election, terrorists, the end of the world, etc. No matter what I said it didn't matter. I wasted my time trying to rationalize with him.
So I am happy for the good nights we have together. There are much more good nights when he is not depressed than he used to.
I had my sister tell me he was too old and was worried because he was an Alcoholic. Never mind he has been sober 30 yrs. Yes he is very complicated but he was in Vietnam and was an Alcoholic for 30 yrs and has ptsd.
It's hard. Very hard at times but we are not married so I can leave and take a break. I can be happy in the fact that I feel I know him better than anyone and if he feels bad he doesn't have to fake it anymore with me and try to be someone he's not like when we first met.
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