On Shame..what has helped other people?

[Hopefulphoenix]

In the past I have had DBT and one of the key ways of combating unwarranted shame, is to talk about what you are ashamed of.
I find it so hard to get my head around my automatic ability to be so cruel to myself, when I would never judge others in that way.
In the last year and a half I have been dealing with my CPTSD pretty much alone.
I had a therapist who was pretty terrible, she became my inner critic. I didnt feel I could tell her anything..and when I tried she was not warm or validating.
I found out that I have Bipolar, by experiencing the symptoms of mania, then brief psychosis in the form of hallucinations and believing stuff, that well wasnt true. (I think this is what scares me the most). This went on for 6 months, I didnt have proper contact with myself at all for that time. I didnt have help. I used to try and journal.
(Thank goodness I am me again, and have survived the fallout depression afterwards. And am on mood stabilizers, it cant happen like that again.)
But I pretty much went through this scary stuff alone..and when I most need reassurance and compassion I feel shame.
It just doesnt add up. Its like I can read that back what I just wrote and feel it.
But whenever I think that time I feel overwhelmed and like burying myself in the bed.
Does anybody here have techniques of dealing with shame in general??

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you ever done any inner child work? It helps me because I can view myself as a child and give her the compassion that she needs, and release the shame a little bit at a time. It helps more than viewing it from an outsider stance, because your inner child is part of you.

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

no..not yet. I have read about it, but its a very hard thing to get your head around alone. I do have parts of me and distinct little girl, and I reckon when I get started in therapy it will be key to a lot.

 

[nomorefear]

I have lived a very shame based life because of things done to me as a child. But also, I realized when I got older, that my father inflicted shame on me for his past. As a small child he used to shame for things I hadn't even done, or even thought to do. And I remember when I was little, adults used to say, "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" So I grew up being ashamed. I didn't know why, but adults told me I should be.
I read an amazing book by R. T. Kendall called How to Forgive Ourselves Totally. It was a big help.
I understand your frustrations with therapists. Honestly, I feel like I have made the most progress on my own. I also listen to New Life Radio call in program with Steve Arterburn. I have never called in but I have learned so much from listening to the callers' questions and the counselors answers. I have recognized a lot of junk in my own life. I also have used a lot of the resources they recommend.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Brené Brown is a shame researcher - I love her work on shame.

Also there's a book called "Healing the Shame that Binds You" (or something like that) by John Bradshaw that's pretty cool.

:hug:

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Is that book very religious?!

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Is that book very religious?!

Which one?

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Kendall...

 

[Ronin]

Does anybody here have techniques of dealing with shame in general??

Explaining shame to kids.

Because if I cannot come up with a non bullshit reason why something should be shameful to a kid, that they could not question, then it likely is not. Or, basically, realizing how much of the shame is just misattributed, and learned wrong, that it does not apply to the context I am attributing it.

And realizing shame is often about standards of other people, then internalized... and that I get to live by my standards, not of someone else. Much less of people who did, and meant, me and mine harm.

 

[tacit]

Hi..i found it helpful to learn to discern between 'i have done a bad thing' vs 'i am a bad thing' (for doing it..or whatever. I also found differentiating when i was taking on other people's shame helpful..eg. i have nothing to be ashamed because of what has happened to me. It is there shame & their's alone & not for me to take on.

Of course it is a process..onion layers & all..as i dealt with other stuff. I second Brene Brown..she has some great stuff.

 

[Pitstop]

Hi, I find mindfulness techniques helpful when I feel shame. Also reminding myself that the feelings will pass. Also talking to others who you can trust to be understanding and compassionate. Just reading other people's posts and articles has helped me overcome the isolation. I've also found EFT helpful. Best wishes

 

[somerandomguy]

@Hopefulphoenix - just so you're aware, the R.T. Kendall book is classified as Christian Literature by Google Books. If you're not looking for something specifically religious, it'd be better to look elsewhere. Brene Brown is good but I would not call her books self-help books.