One Day

[trying2movefwd]

I made it through until this evening, I thought at one point through out today, i am going to reach my goal...my goal is simply to have one day without S/I thoughts. Then when it came time for my kids to call my abusive x...i was triggered. ...I began to think life is too hard, i just can't do it any more. I thought about if I wasn't "here". Thought i wouldn't be missed. I knew I can't actually give in to these thoughts...then I started to weep and got an urge to cut...thankfully i have nothing i would choose to do that with in my house. I need hope, hope that it will all get better. :cry:

 

[hodge]

:hug:s Trying. You know you would be dearly missed. I'm glad you know you can't give in to those thoughts and that you didn't self-harm.

It can get better with therapy and meds. All of it takes awhile, but there's hope. And always more things to try, both in terms of meds and therapies.

 

[Missycat]

:hug:s Trying, please dont give in. Keep setting that goal and you will achieve it.
Utilise the support available and be proud of every step on your healing journey no matter how small it might be.
Take care x

 

[Deleted member 541]

@trying2movefwd this may sound a bit counter productive, but maybe not trying so hard to stop the thoughts. If you are not suicidal, and not planning to commit suicide, then SI IS PART of PTSD. I've had SI for decades, some days it's worse than others, but there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think I'd be better off dead. My best fried of over 30 yrs, has PTSD undiagnosed because she HATES labels... her and I will get going about ways to off ourselves. Done jokingly, but underneath we both know that we are having SI on sometimes a daily, hourly basis.

She will call me, and say things like... " Shit, I was just driving down I75 going 75 and I thought of driving into this barrier!" I laugh and tell her that she'd probably just mess up her car and not really die anyway. We know it's serious, but we also know that neither of us are PLANNING anything.

Fighting it, may actually keep it at the forefront... just some thoughts...

 

[Deleted member 541]

As far as cutting... I have no idea how you stop that behavior. I've never been able to wrap my brain around that. I know it's a coping skill like everything else we do. Are there support groups for people who cut? Or is it just therapy? If not there should be, we have support groups for other behaviors. Alcohol, drugs, depression, grief...