I keep going because firstly I have adopted the mantra : suicide is a long term solution ( infinity) to a short term problem (the shit happening now) - stopping ain’t going to happen and it just won’t work second: I have to! I have to work/ pay bills /clean house buy food you all know the usual stuff on a really bad day I take myself away to sit or walk in a place close to nature this is what grounds me peace in the here and now…..
I have an actual list of people I stay for, just in case I need to see it in front of me. I’ve seen what suicide does to EVERYONE left behind…it’s devastating and I would never put anyone through it. I’ll suffer as much as I have to here on earth but would NEVER go purposely.
It ruins every memory by being the first thing they think of as soon as they hear the name. Utterly horrible...
Mostly because I'm stubborn and don't like things getting in my way even if it is myself. My depression and pain will not go away just get passed down to others that love me and the ones that love those people. Why not keep it for myself instead of letting it land on others.
I would like for it to be an accident.
My oldest daughter wants me to be in her wedding and to maybe walk her down the aisle one day. I have to be there for her. My youngest daughter says she loves to cuddle with me. I don't know why but she does and she seems to need me and wants me around. My dad killed himself when I was a teenager. It messed with my head for a very long time. I can't do that to them. No matter how hard it gets to keep going, I can't do that to them.