Dartaniam345
New Here
as the title says, i costantly feel guilt over what happened. on top of that i'm always told that i do this for attention, get dismissed as someone uncapable of living on his own and that always had to be taken care of.
Growing up, i was subjected to costant punishments and "correctional" beatings from my father and sometimes from my mother who always has been distant and make me feel like a burden. On top of that, i've always had the school saying how i'm " different" and that i need to be followed by a psychologists since kindergarden.
Going to school i've always faced several bullying episodes until my 17-18 yo. i was always quite, couldnt talk properly and was always in another world.
While i do realise that it's not my fault, i keep having this guilt on me. after all the punishments were correctional, the teachers always told us that i was different, everyone made fun of me for various reasons.
to this day i keep putting myself in duscussion thanks also to my sister and mother always telling me i exhagerate things. maybe i do have a warped perception of things.
i keep having to talk to my father and can't bring myself to tell him to f*ck off. to this day i'm always on the lookout for any sign of beating and insults plus various symptoms classic of ptsd, inlcuding several suicide attempts since 10 yo approx. i still remmebe that the first knot i learned to do was a hanging knot...
Put i still feel guilt, i still feel like an asshole for speaking out, i still feel like an outcast.
I'm slowly trying to at least rationally tell myself it maybe not be my fault, but i guess it's gonna take a while.
I'll update thi thread from time to times on this sensation. until then, best regards.
Growing up, i was subjected to costant punishments and "correctional" beatings from my father and sometimes from my mother who always has been distant and make me feel like a burden. On top of that, i've always had the school saying how i'm " different" and that i need to be followed by a psychologists since kindergarden.
Going to school i've always faced several bullying episodes until my 17-18 yo. i was always quite, couldnt talk properly and was always in another world.
While i do realise that it's not my fault, i keep having this guilt on me. after all the punishments were correctional, the teachers always told us that i was different, everyone made fun of me for various reasons.
to this day i keep putting myself in duscussion thanks also to my sister and mother always telling me i exhagerate things. maybe i do have a warped perception of things.
i keep having to talk to my father and can't bring myself to tell him to f*ck off. to this day i'm always on the lookout for any sign of beating and insults plus various symptoms classic of ptsd, inlcuding several suicide attempts since 10 yo approx. i still remmebe that the first knot i learned to do was a hanging knot...
Put i still feel guilt, i still feel like an asshole for speaking out, i still feel like an outcast.
I'm slowly trying to at least rationally tell myself it maybe not be my fault, but i guess it's gonna take a while.
I'll update thi thread from time to times on this sensation. until then, best regards.