Only Attracted To Those With Disorders?

[Powder]

Does chronic PTSD correlate with attraction primarily to others with disorders of their own?

 

[Intrepid]

Has been like that for me up to this point. It's hard to relate to people who are normal, or sometimes even those who look normal on the outside but when they open their mouths are obviously disordered on the inside.

 

[candor]

You seem to be asking a statistical question requiring some kind of research study to answer correctly. My humble "opinion" is that anyone can be primarily attracted to "others with disorders'". You do not need to have a diagnosis or have undergone trauma. The attraction may be conscious or unconscious. You may be aware that you have this kind of attraction or not. Perhaps your own particular quirks makes it harder to make friends with those who don't have a disorder. It may be that you don't view their disorder in the same way that others do. People with disorders may have "special gifts" and "valuable insights" that they themselves are not aware of but are viewed as attractive by other people.

Many of my dearest friends are diagnosed as bipolar, asperger's or ADHD. I would not trade any of them for the world. I am currently attracted to someone with PTSD. I have actually been going to a therapist to try to make sense of "my" attraction. After the three month honeymoon period, we both knew that for us, insisting on a romantic relationship was causing us both to get worse. Whenever we met, we seemed to constantly disassociate and trigger each other. I had to resist my attraction to being in an altered state. No shame here when I say "I liked it". The relationship distracted from his recovery. It became destructive for us both. I used disassociation in order to protect myself from verbal abuse. I effectively managed to calm him down without engaging in any fighting. Words like "You are better than this. I love you and I choose you..." helped but then led to a three months isolation period. I was lucky to be able to travel out of the country. It seemed that any emotion, touch or thought of being alone triggered him.

After a "no-communication-what-so-ever" break, we bumped into each other at a party where he initiated contact. The "attraction" was explosive. We both felt it but have both chosen to "somewhat" ignore it.

A month later, we meet at a cafe. I respect his need to not talk about "us", "feelings" or "sex". What matters to me is that he seems to be stable enough to have a relaxed and stable conversation for two straight hours. I had previously been in denial about how difficult this attraction was for him. We both need to move on and take it extra slow if we do meet as friends.

I have not posted here before but have had a lot of help getting to terms with what I can expect and do by reading in the Forum and understanding the patterns that seem to repeat themselves in every individual story. When anyone is unstable due to a disorder, sometimes the best thing you can give is space and silence. Attraction comes and goes and is as exhausting as it is thrilling. Its not about normal or not as what is normal is not clearly defined. Its about whether you are willing to let someone you love get disfunctional because of some attraction.

 

[Friday]

Hey baby :happy: take all the time you need.
vs
What the f*ck is wrong with you??? Pay. Attention. To. ME. Selfish bitch.

Hard day? Wanna call a snow day and stay in & watch movies & make pancakes...or go blow something up? :sneaky: Yeah, the Petersons will understand, and if they don't? Eh. f*ck 'em.
vs
It's not that hard. We made a commitment. Get ready & let's go already! Jesus. You need help. You can't even do the most basic things. It's f*cking embarrassing. No I can't just go by myself! Get ready!!! You always make us late.

You. Are. So. Much. Fun. :D God, I love you.
vs
I don't have the patience for your BS, anymore. I've tried. I really have. But it's like you don't even want to be loved. I have all this love to give, and you just fritter it away. You could at least try.

Scooch over.
vs
Are you just going to lay there all day?

...my personal experience in dating inside PTSD vs outside PTSD.

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

@FridayJones : The way you describe things cracks me up.

I don't know about the "attraction" per say. Unless we're speaking on the attraction of a mutual understanding. That to me is attractive. The idea that both my partner and I have a deep mutal understanding & could work towards a common goal.

But then there's: What if I'm working towards the goal and/ their not. Or vise versa. What if they are get all holier-than-thou & assume because it worked for them, it would work for me.

Then there is the Non- PTSD relationship. The lack of understanding. Maybe little to no perspective... the misinformation that is given. The potential abuse of using the diagnosis as a weapon.

So many what-ifs either way...

My significant other does not have Ptsd. And for me, this has its struggles too because he doesn't always get it. But to give him kudos, he really tries. And is accepting & non judgmental. He's great at giving me space when I need it, and not making me feel guilty.

If anything, I'm the more judgemental partner. And that's not good either. I'm in my head thinking, "I'm the one with a diagnosed disorder, and would give my right leg to give it back and go back to work. And you quit a job because your boss upset you" Grow some balls.

Ok, strike the last sentence. But yeah, not something I would say for obvious reasons but I think both have their challanges.

All depends on the person & how well you mesh.