Open book

[Deleted member 37474]

I was just thinking about stuff I have written on here as TexCat and as anonymous. My trauma diary. My private diary. My "land" journal. So much. The various pieces people know from pm or conversations. And then I think to myself, how much does my T really know? I wonder if she had open access would it speed up my healing? Change some of the approach? One thing I do know, is that if she knew all of it, I would probably need to be hospitalized from the overshare or panic I would be feeling. How much and how fast have you shared with your T?

 

[The Albatross]

I shared it all fairly quickly... first round with my shrink was a year and a half. Second time with a spike in symptomization and increased SI was 9 months.

 

[anonymous]

My T felt safe from the beginning, but I have gradually shared more of my innermost thoughts. At this point, I can’t think of much she doesn’t know. She’s earned my trust though. I think you have to go with what you feel comfortable, it may not always be easy and can be embarrassing, but her reactions will either confirm it’s safe or if it’s not. Personally, I think the more your T knows the better she can help you. I think it’s kind of a relief and a tremendous comfort to have someone safe to let in like that.

 

[whiteraven]

I used to think that I was sharing a lot of myself. I really trust(ed) my therapist from the start. But over the last several months, as my trust has dwindled in just about everyone and issues have risen exponentially, I realize that I really haven't told him much at all. Oh, he knows a lot (I email and tell him way more than we talk about), but the really deep down and the very dark stuff I haven't even begun to share.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I used to think that I was sharing a lot of myself. I really trust(ed) my therapist from the start....

This is where I am. She knows a basic outline of my traumas and life experiences. The times that I do say details, I become really vulnerable the following days. And start to wonder what she thinks of me. She does mainly do emdr, so she doesn't necessarily have to have a lot of details, but when I am working on a negative belief, I really feel like I am just skimming the surface because I am not comfortable with saying the really bad ones out loud, and I kind of need to so that she can guide the process. She empathetically looked at me when we first started working on a small piece of the trauma and said, "you are probably thinking, this is going to take awhile." She was very right.

 

[EveHarrington]

Current T, I feel free sharing everything.

I'm not working on direct trauma processing though.

More like everything else that affects my life.

But still, I hold nothing back.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I lay it all out there, too.

I figure I'm going to them for a service, which is to help support and healthily guide me, and my brain obviously hasn't been having much luck in juggling all that baggagel by itself, hence the reason(s) for me to be there in the first place, so I lay it all out there and let the work begin however it needs to, once I feel safe with the practitioner.

I feel if I hold things back, I may end up selling myself short of an opportunity to heal in ways that aren't going to ever be possible to reach without sharing it all.

However, I've also had instances where I was trying to get help from professionals who blatantly ignored much of what I shared....like the list of traumas I've endured, so it has potential to go in any direction at any given time, unfortunately.

 

[whiteraven]

This is where I am. She knows a basic outline of my traumas and life experiences. The times that I do...

She knows a basic outline of my traumas and life experiences.

Exactly. I just figured out that my biggest problem is my dissociation. I had thought that was straightened out for the most part. But I'm dissociating at a very different level than I was before.

 

[NewBeginnings]

On one hand I think I share mostly everything but I get so caught up in what she will think. I have so much negative self talk and sometimes I can't say more than 3 words aloud.

I trust my t and that came early in because I didn't get what was happening to me so I shared a lot. I read all the confidentiality information and believed she wouldn't share anything - (yes I know about hurting me or others so I kept any thoughts super guarded). All else was ok. And then for a brief time my husband was seeing a therapist in the same practice and asked my t if I would give permission to share - my husband gave permission for his t and mine to talk about his stuff. Well that had me running for the hills. I never cancel appointments and was prepared to never go back just because my husband mentioned the request. I felt so betrayed that she would consider asking me. I was a mess because I know that if she were to share a piece of what I had going on- my husbands anger would be explosive. He would also know how messed up I was and I just was terrified- not sure how everything would have settled but she never shared (that I am aware of) and said she knew I was not ready (OBVIOUSLY) but then husband stop going to therapy and said he will never return so I lost an opportunity.

Whoa -ok - I share a lot in therapy but not everything and that which is not shared is because I am not ready and I am ok with that understanding between t and I.

 

[wearyheart]

Thank you for bringing up this issue. I'm trying to find words and courage to share an event that currently gives me nightmares and threatens my functioning...but also trying to figure out how to manage the shame and vulnerability. How will I manage myself and regulate my emotions after the session? I need to take this leap and give my therapist a chance to help me with this. I've been resisting and avoiding it for weeks...and struggling more and more... She reminds me it's my choice and I know that. But I need her expertise and skills. She needs to know the details that are causing my suffering. It all sounds so easy...but it's not. It feels impossible.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Thank you for bringing up this issue. I'm trying to find words and courage to share an event that currently gives m...

Maybe you could try sharing a tiny part of it at first to see how that goes?

 

[deeplyloved]

Do you think it's possible that some things are unspeakable? Or do they just feel that way. My whole body is tired from crying and truly trying to say it to my T. I said where and who...I said that it hurt and humiliated me. But I just can't say what it was. I don't even think I can write it down.