Ostracism and then isolation

[CBX9]

I am in college now but I'm having serious problems with approaching others. It's almost as if don't want to be noticed or seen. Not even talking just approaching. I feel like I'm being ostracized because of my disorder and isolating myself from people because they won't accept me I feel. I don't care anymore if they're watching me or not but I gotta stay calm and not overreact to everything even if I can't. I just wish people would one day approach me but nobody cares because they are not suffering like I am.

People become totally different people when they become sick and are desperate for some kind of attention or interaction because they need it like us. I bet everyone's thinking, "Why is this guy even in school?" I'm in school because I want an education and a degree and a better job but mostly so I can talk to people. It's so frustrating! Everybody's always looking in the future and at the big picture all the time. If people could just look at other people for once(the good people) and see that they need help then no one would be suffering like the way we are. It's always about what's best for them and how it will put obstacles in their life that they don't want. People don't even give other people a chance.

The whole time I had friends I thought they were real. They weren't. They were just using me to protect themselves and using me for the attractive qualities I possess. That's how I feel. I don't even know the definition of what a friend is anymore because I just realized that I have none. I don't even want one to be honest because if I follow that road again I'm going to be the person suffering again. Not them! Me! Does anyone agree?

 

[presentjoy]

I'm wondering why you feel like everyone is asking "Why is this guy even in school?"

Maybe there is real valid evidence of it, so I'm asking the question earnestly. We can feel like people are judging us even though they aren't, but sometimes, people are judging us. Sometimes knowing that's happening, even if it's wrong, can help because what actions to take next can come out of understanding reality. Is PTSD or something else you are experiencing making some outward signs that you are suffering?

You just started college, right?

Maybe it will take a bit of time to figure out, but you could look for who you might want to study with, and pick a number of people, and if you approach them, you have a reason to. Maybe in your favourite class. You can say that you are hoping to put together a group of people to study with, or at least share ideas about the class, would they be interested? And from there, people can say yes or no or maybe, and you are asking them to be part of a group, and the scrutiny isn't on you. I find groups overwhelming, but at the same time, it's easier than trying to select someone and hone in on trying to be a friend not knowing if that's what they want. It might help the person you're approaching too, that you're trying to open up a wider social net for them as well as yourself. It's doing a favour for everyone.

Just a thought. Hope you can stick with college. How are the classes themselves?

 

[CBX9]

I'm struggling tremendously :(

 

[CBX9]

Haven't even finished my 1st homework assignment and it's been 4-5 days since I started.

 

[Jagged Angel]

Go slowly. I felt something similar when I first started university, and since then, I have gathered a few friends and found some good people. I began by just engaging with other students in the classroom, and then trying to carry those discussions over after the class. Then I began to approach people at the end of class and ask if they wanted coffee and a chat about some of the things we were learning. This gave me a good basis for making friends. I met a lot of people over the course of my degree; many people have passed through my life and never returned, but I also a bunch of friends who have stuck around. Don't get me wrong: this wasn't easy, and it wasn't fast. I was well into my second year of university before I began to make friends of any sort.

As to the assignments: go slowly there as well. Start your assignments as early as possible, and make sure you work on it a little bit each day. And work your way up to more work each day. When I began my first degree, I would write about 100-150 words a day on my assignments. I am now an academic, and I try for 500-1000 words a day... But that also has taken some time.

Lastly: take it a bit easier on yourself. Give yourself some time to ease into the world of the college.

 

[therisa]

CB, when is the first assignment due? Although, it has been 19 years since I got my BA, I can understand your frustration, I had to handle multiple learning disabilities, with undiagnosed depression, PTSD, and various anxiety related disorders, at the time. First thing, I would do, is approach your campus' disability centre and see, if you can make arrangements with your profs, to catch up with your assignments. I know, in Ontario, your profs have to make accommendations to you. I would try to get your therapist/psychiarist to write a note, documenting your needs and what mental health issues, you have.

I hope this, has been helpful, for you, CB. Could you please keep us, informed on your successful progress?

 

[therisa]

Had another thought, CB, that you might want to think about, is lighten your courseload, for your first year, until you are comfortable with the workload. If a full load of credits is 5, you might want to take 4 credits. I know, this will mean that you have to take longer to get your degree, but it will be, at a pace, you're comfortable with. Good Luck.

 

[CBX9]

I hope this, has been helpful, for you, CB. Could you please keep us, informed on your successful progress?

I'm trying to get DSPS disability service as the PTSD is very debilitating. So far I have the form but I haven't filled it out yet because I need to get a proper diagnosis for PTSD. Without that I am not sure I can get the service. I'll keep you guys up-to-date on my progress. :) Hopefully everything works out according to plan. By the way, the college I'm attending is West Los Angeles College.

 

[therisa]

Darn, get the proper diagnosis will take time and money. Does the college disability office have the money, to cover the cost for the psych evaluation, CB? If so, I would see, if they can cover the cost, for you. Either way, I would still approach them, for possible help, they may surprise you, and give it to you, while you are waiting, for the paperword come through.