Other People Are Unreal

[Chava]

I know this is just a form of derealization but I didn't post under dissociation because, I guess, it just feels too "normal" to me. Not sure what else to say about that. But really, it massively compounds the isolation feelings. Because, even if there is someone who is real and cares, they aren't real. So...I'm sort of f*cked.

I don't know exactly why I shut down. I'm generally introverted to begin with, and avoidant. But I also don't feel like my own parents were even real. I was in a bubble. I know there are reasons it's worse right now but I can't think of them or keep them quite straight...sort of a combining of factors. I feel really anti-social. Like I don't want to try at relationships because I don't even like the world, or people. This feeling ebbs and flows some, but it's really hard to move forward if it keeps coming around in some degree. I don't know if this post is about derealization of others or feeling anti-social...both, I think. I don't know what to do, but probably just posted to not feel so isolated for now.

ETA: When I feel unreal myself I feel more self-destructive. Others being unreal somewhat keeps me more real to myself, and safe, for whatever it's worth.

 

[Intrepid]

My therapist asked what I thought of her. I said that it was like watching someone on tv.

 

[Sandstone]

There is contradiction isn't there? The unreality of others keeps you safe, but it also prevents you receiving effective support from others.

Others being unreal somewhat keeps me more real to myself, and safe, for whatever it's worth

even if there is someone who is real and cares, they aren't real. So...I'm sort of f*cked.

I have no problem with those two contradictory things being true simultaneously, because that is what our lives are like. I recognise it.
I suppose the ideal would be if we could place that as a lifestage. The derealisation is an effective strategy for now, but there is a need to move on to something else in the future.

 

[Chava]

I suppose the ideal would be if we could place that as a lifestage. The derealisation is an effective strategy for now, but there is a need to move on to something else in the future.

Feels hard to understand or imagine because this "life stage" has been my whole existence. I do a little better asking for help, but pretty much in major emergencies, and am still more inclined to just go right to ER...like wait for it to get that bad. I think I averted a meltdown yesterday. I do okay reaching out to my therapist. I hope that translates to trusting others at some point but that feels very f*cking hard.

 

[Sandstone]

I think I averted a meltdown yesterday. I do okay reaching out to my therapist.

I'm glad of both those things.

You spoke about being in a bubble, which i can understand. I have blurred edges around me that are a bit like the skin of a bubble. Do you stretch the edge of that bubble to include your T, or do you come out of it to connect with her/him?

 

[Ronin]

Can you pick some pieces about them that are / feel, real?

I usually catch up on details that aren't as much about the people but keep returning around them. A-ha, nice hat that sir's got. Hat keeps being there and is very real, I can trust that hat to be real. And it can't travel on its own well, so that person 'belonging' to it is probably real too. What else is there. Interesting lady's purse. Keeps coming round, purse is real, (and shiny), lady's real.

Things like that, something you trust no matter what, coming to trust people as a collection of little things?

 

[Chava]

Do you stretch the edge of that bubble to include your T, or do you come out of it to connect with her/him?

Yes, sometimes it's easy. Other times it feels like I let her in but then I also freeze or disappear a little bit myself...I've told her it's hard for us to both be real simultaneously. I'd just glad I can recognize that, however weird it sounds.

Things like that, something you trust no matter what, coming to trust people as a collection of little things?

I have a colleague who seems pretty real, actually. She's genuine, very much herself around me and feels like I can be myself around her too. She just has a busy life with family outside of work so I don't actually spend time with her outside of work. But I have to remember people like her, and my therapist...and slowly remember that other people are real.