- Post starter
- #25
@Chava, yes, school, until we got put in a 2 bad/abusive/foreign private ones, so I guess public school, was my sanctuary from abuse. This is why I'm so freaked out. I expect school to be a safe place. What with the shootings, I'm close to pulling her out and going montessori or other private school/charter school. She's an artist and dancer who loves counting and math. :) :bored: Gets board with words, letters, and the mainstream stuff.
@Neverthesame We've been asking our child about the milk and she is forgetful and doesn't give us helpful responses (says "I don't remember") but when I check her balance for her hot lunch account, it's barely moved. So my H. has asked the Teacher who says she is getting the milk. BUt then why is the account not being charged? When we see the teacher, it's a long list of complaints in a rush, so the milk has not featured prominently.
Then, I just went in to have lunch and my child had no milk, so I asked her, and that's when she said that her teacher made a hot lunch/cold lunch line, and since my child has cold but buys her milk, she got put in cold. When she tries to protest the teacher doesn't hear/won't listen.
I think she's out of her depth. She's overly rigid and overwhelmed.
I think she needs a different line of work to suit her (the teacher's) personality, which is disorganized and chaotic. She feigns that she's orderly, but then she announces a rule (nobody gets their apple chopped, just have to use your teeth and bite it, while she is actually chopping someone's apple!). She is telling me and the other visiting (grand)parent that she's changing rules, the school district is, and she's allowing some bending. I felt confused in the little while I was there in that chaos, so I can't fathom how the kids see the environment.
She is inconsistent and doesn't teach them, the students, by modeling a calm and organized manner. I've watched other elementary teachers, who usually posses (haven't you noticed?) a zen like calm. They could be just dying inside, but they are completed unflustered and possess a calm way of making the children feel calm and safe. They tend to be the "children whisperer" in that they embody the very order and sense of equanimity they wish to be emulated in their pupils; by the end of Kinder, this usually takes effect.
I am so disappointed in this teacher's hairbrained personality. She is nothing like the other teachers at all, more a bear in the china shop. I'm pretty sure the other teachers don't approve of her and to be honest, I don't think she's getting enough of the team's support as the only new one, and inexperienced and well off as she is, I'm sure they don't trust her. She is likely being given enough rope to just hang herself. I actually feel kind of sorry for her, even though I think she needs to find another job. I don't go around firing people. I report things of concern, but I let the boss handle it as they usually have awareness of the big picture and can find a solution.
Meantime, us parents have taken kiddo to the family Dr. who delivered her and gotten a referral set up for Sensory Processes Disorders testing. This will take place in late spring or during summer. So we are just going to have to keep working with her with the tools we have and keeping this on the TO_DO list. She's very important and we want her to get the best education and care we can afford her. She's so smart, popular/social, energetic, and artistic. She has a nice sense of humor, too.
My H. keeps assuring me that she's going to be just fine. I worry about her rubbing people the wrong way and being "too much."
No, I am over-protective, but just like the chronic PTSD I have had growing up, I've learned to not react to it, even when I'm in flashback. I can pretend I'm fine and am a "good actress." Had to learn this skill to survive living with someone who could kill me at any given moment, and who put me in dangerous environments with major neglect. I learned how to be in fear and still "do the right thing."
I had to parent my siblings, and I had to try to protect them. Once in thunder storm, we were left at home at night. The power went out. I had a flashback or terror. So did they. So I huddled them in a corner, grabbed our largest kitchen knife, and stood over them facing the front door.
If our abuser tried to come for us, He was going to have to get through me. I stood my post until the lights came on and just then the parents came home. I was totally wiped out tired.
It sounds horrible, but my siblings remember feeling safe with me being willing to take charge and defend them. I always verbally fought for their rights, even risking my father's anger. I either stayed out of it, or if I felt they were being bullied, I stepped in between. All I wanted was to lessen their sense of "no safety" that was my life. I wanted better for them. Unfortunately, I seem to have the worst PTSD of all of them. But my sister is less functional, cuts, abuses her body with drugs, and is Dx C-PTSD/Bipolar. She has suicide attempted and been hospitalized. She's gone on a cross-country dissociative fugue. She is not in recovery. She has lashed out violently at me and other people, but luckily, so far, nobody has been hurt.
Most disturbing to me is that she has Stolkholm and keeps our father and main abuser's last name, asks him to "be the father" figure to her children with other men, and keeps trying to move home, in her 30s. She doesn't even remember that he abused us. Amnesia.
I don't want to feel so unable to help someone ever again. My sister's life was ruined by our parents, their abusive buddies, the danger they put us in where we got more abuse, and then ongoing emotional abuse.
I can't feel helpless anymore. Have to make it safe for my own kids.
@Neverthesame We've been asking our child about the milk and she is forgetful and doesn't give us helpful responses (says "I don't remember") but when I check her balance for her hot lunch account, it's barely moved. So my H. has asked the Teacher who says she is getting the milk. BUt then why is the account not being charged? When we see the teacher, it's a long list of complaints in a rush, so the milk has not featured prominently.
Then, I just went in to have lunch and my child had no milk, so I asked her, and that's when she said that her teacher made a hot lunch/cold lunch line, and since my child has cold but buys her milk, she got put in cold. When she tries to protest the teacher doesn't hear/won't listen.
I think she's out of her depth. She's overly rigid and overwhelmed.
I think she needs a different line of work to suit her (the teacher's) personality, which is disorganized and chaotic. She feigns that she's orderly, but then she announces a rule (nobody gets their apple chopped, just have to use your teeth and bite it, while she is actually chopping someone's apple!). She is telling me and the other visiting (grand)parent that she's changing rules, the school district is, and she's allowing some bending. I felt confused in the little while I was there in that chaos, so I can't fathom how the kids see the environment.
She is inconsistent and doesn't teach them, the students, by modeling a calm and organized manner. I've watched other elementary teachers, who usually posses (haven't you noticed?) a zen like calm. They could be just dying inside, but they are completed unflustered and possess a calm way of making the children feel calm and safe. They tend to be the "children whisperer" in that they embody the very order and sense of equanimity they wish to be emulated in their pupils; by the end of Kinder, this usually takes effect.
I am so disappointed in this teacher's hairbrained personality. She is nothing like the other teachers at all, more a bear in the china shop. I'm pretty sure the other teachers don't approve of her and to be honest, I don't think she's getting enough of the team's support as the only new one, and inexperienced and well off as she is, I'm sure they don't trust her. She is likely being given enough rope to just hang herself. I actually feel kind of sorry for her, even though I think she needs to find another job. I don't go around firing people. I report things of concern, but I let the boss handle it as they usually have awareness of the big picture and can find a solution.
Meantime, us parents have taken kiddo to the family Dr. who delivered her and gotten a referral set up for Sensory Processes Disorders testing. This will take place in late spring or during summer. So we are just going to have to keep working with her with the tools we have and keeping this on the TO_DO list. She's very important and we want her to get the best education and care we can afford her. She's so smart, popular/social, energetic, and artistic. She has a nice sense of humor, too.
My H. keeps assuring me that she's going to be just fine. I worry about her rubbing people the wrong way and being "too much."
No, I am over-protective, but just like the chronic PTSD I have had growing up, I've learned to not react to it, even when I'm in flashback. I can pretend I'm fine and am a "good actress." Had to learn this skill to survive living with someone who could kill me at any given moment, and who put me in dangerous environments with major neglect. I learned how to be in fear and still "do the right thing."
I had to parent my siblings, and I had to try to protect them. Once in thunder storm, we were left at home at night. The power went out. I had a flashback or terror. So did they. So I huddled them in a corner, grabbed our largest kitchen knife, and stood over them facing the front door.
If our abuser tried to come for us, He was going to have to get through me. I stood my post until the lights came on and just then the parents came home. I was totally wiped out tired.
It sounds horrible, but my siblings remember feeling safe with me being willing to take charge and defend them. I always verbally fought for their rights, even risking my father's anger. I either stayed out of it, or if I felt they were being bullied, I stepped in between. All I wanted was to lessen their sense of "no safety" that was my life. I wanted better for them. Unfortunately, I seem to have the worst PTSD of all of them. But my sister is less functional, cuts, abuses her body with drugs, and is Dx C-PTSD/Bipolar. She has suicide attempted and been hospitalized. She's gone on a cross-country dissociative fugue. She is not in recovery. She has lashed out violently at me and other people, but luckily, so far, nobody has been hurt.
Most disturbing to me is that she has Stolkholm and keeps our father and main abuser's last name, asks him to "be the father" figure to her children with other men, and keeps trying to move home, in her 30s. She doesn't even remember that he abused us. Amnesia.
I don't want to feel so unable to help someone ever again. My sister's life was ruined by our parents, their abusive buddies, the danger they put us in where we got more abuse, and then ongoing emotional abuse.
I can't feel helpless anymore. Have to make it safe for my own kids.
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