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Overwhelmed, frustrated, hopeless

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PandaPower

Learning
Hey all,
Just making this thread to vent.
I experienced a relationship for the first time between end 2018 to beginning 2020. I was happy for some parts, but it was such an onslaught of unexpected triggers and non stop confusion. We are still in touch because he "wanted to be a constant presence in my life" but i still don't know if I can trust him or not, or if he was right for me, whether he is an emotionally safe person or not, whether i made the right decision or not to end things, i just have no clue.
All the advice given to me was along the lines of communicating, so I did that, and for the most part tried to do it in a non hurtful way with owning my stuff , but I always feel so tired and depleted and not understood afterwards, even if he says all the right things. And then I just want to run. And when I'm triggered, I know I don't let there be space for his feelings and he feels like he has to walk on eggshells to not trigger me.
Urggh ..just such a mess. I have asked him for space now because I can't deal with all this on a daily basis but it sucks. Coming to terms with the fact that it just might be too painful for me to be in relationships.
Thanks for listening ❤
 
or if he was right for me
I ended a LOT of relationships 15/20 years ago... that still knowing many of them today? I‘ve learned I had wicked good taste in men! :sneaky:

But it doesn’t matter how easily I could imagine the life we maaaaaay have led; nor how perfectly how they’ve chosen to live / how I’ve chosen to live dove tail, today. Because at the time? They weren’t right for me. As evidenced by the fact that we broke up. Because I wasn’t in a place, when I was dating them, to need&want the same things as I need&want now... 20 years later. Or even 5 years later. So there’s warm happy attached to their memories, but no regrets. I had to change, a whoooooole helluva lot, before any of those blokes would even begin to be right for me in the long term. If I’d met them years down the road? Sure. We MIGHT have been right for each other. Or might not. Because who we became? Had to do with the lives we actually led, and the people in those lives, and the lessons we learned, and choices we made. So it’s just as possible that if I hadnt dated them, or they hadn’t dated me? That we wouldn’t have become the people we are. And thus been totally wrong for each other. Timing? Matters.

The only / singular relationship I didn’t trust my gut with? That I stayed, because I thought I was “supposed” to, instead of ending it... trying to see who we might be, together, instead of who we were together... was my exHusband. I’d never done it before, & I won’t do it, again. The people we are, right here & right now, matters.

So, my 2 cents? Yes. You did exactly right. Because being in a relationship -right now- with someone you don’t trust, don’t know if you can trust/is trustworthy, arent able to rely on your own judgement with/about, and are exhausted by? Would be silly. Because -right now- he’s not right for you. In a year or three? Maybe he would be. Maybe not. But -right now- he’s not.

But that doesn’t mean all relationships, for always and forever, will be too painful/wrong for you. It simply means that (wait for it! ;)) -Right Now- a relationship, or even just a relationship with him/whilst someone else dovetails in perfectly, is too painful.
 
Sigh how could that be when he's such a sweet considerate person and I miss him so much...?
For real thou, thank you. Your reply really helped me.
 
I was on the other side of similar situation. Hard to get my head around it some times but reading on this site has helped me to understand much better. I wish you peace. Can’t be easy for either of you.
 
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