Overwhelmed-life, Meds, Therapy

[Cavegirl]

Going through a med change, switched therapists because I felt my old T minimized my feelings.

I'm just... Overwhelmed. My anxiety and fear are taking over my life. I'm waking up in the middle of the night again. My vivid nightmares are back, as is my feeling of despair and hopelessness.

I'm strong. I've survived so much. But I'm running out of ... Whatever that's inside me keeping me going.

The things that have held me here seem like they're not even real anymore. Like they're crumbling.

My faith doesn't believe suicides go to heaven. My intense love and desire to meet my savior keeps me here. But I don't understand why I'm here.

Why is this so hard for me? Living. I'm not talking about excelling at life, just basic living. Eating and bathing, going to the grocery store without an anxiety attack etc.

I have a week and a half to pull it together. School starts and I cannot fail. I have to get it together.

 

[Marlin]

It took me many, many years of therapy, numerous hospital admissions, tons of psych drugs to get better. Life is still hard for me, but much better. I'm able to function much better. I'm cautious without the overwhelming fear I had before. It was hard for me. I don't know why. I understand what you are saying about just basic living. Some days it still feels like an effort to take a shower and brush my teeth. Some days I don't, and that's okay. I do what I can now and am learning to be more kind to myself. I was strong. I survived a lot. But my biggest mistake was telling myself and others that I was okay. Twenty years after my trauma, I finally had a complete breakdown. It took me another twenty years to recover. The doctors said I'd have to take psych drugs the rest of my life. After doing some specific PTSD work in a small group, I have been drug free two years. I felt hopeless before. I also felt very numb. I don't feel hopeless now or numb. Before when I would hear about other people's recovery and success, it did little for me. It seemed like I was never going to be well again. Something that I do a lot now is look for inspirational quotes on Google. I don't understand God's plans or why I'm here either. I do believe that all life has a purpose. I keep trying to learn what mine is. I keep trying.