Panic Attack Today

[user17231]

So, I'm supposed to be on my way to a work event with my coworkers and I can't help but sit here thinking defeating critical thoughts about all the things that will go wrong. I'm trying to remind myself that I have control of the situation, and that I can choose not to go if I prefer (a lot of my trauma revolves around a feeling of being trapped).

The problem is that the thought that I have control gives me a momentary sense of relief that I could avoid this event, but then the critic sets in and begins berating me for even considering not going, what my co-workers would think, how I would be the talk of the day. The impending judgements, hate, talk behind my back. None of it is true, I would simply say that I don't feel well (clearly true) and that would be that. I'd meet them all in the office this afternoon, and everything would be OK.

I'm sick of this divide between my perception of life and the action facts. I want to make decisions based on what I actually want, not based on fears of what might happen. I feel like I've been regressing so much lately and it's all I can think about.

I just needed to write somewhere I knew someone would be listening. Thanks for your time. :-)

 

[franciemarnie]

I am listening and you are not alone in this. Sometimes we have to choose what we hope is the lesser of two evils. I vote don't go if you don't feel like it (I used to hate work "fun" activities).

And keep working on release of trauma energy so it won't feel like this forever.

Whatever you do, know that this will pass - this feeling, this hour, this day. Live it the most comfortable way you can. Things will change.

 

[Cassey]

Phil, I know what you feeling to true. My tramua happened at work, I never took any time off after it happened trying to work through it till I ended up having a massive panic attack, so moved role and worked reduce hours for 5mths. Last month I went back to my role, and feel like I am forcing myself to do stuff that 7mths ago I would do without thinking. I have had emdr, and now just waiting to start cbt to assist me getting back to normal and work propery. What support treatment have you had??