Panicking Because Of Neighbor

[p-no]

I can't believe what just happened. Someone rang at my door. I looked through the peep hole and there was no one. When I walked back to my living-room, the bell rang again. I went to open and there was my neigbor, a woman, who I have had a clash with before.

Back then, about four weeks after I moved in (a year ago), she came to my door telling me she came to pick me up to take me to town for some fun. I was totally in shock. I had never met her for more than a few seconds going in and out, saying hi. I then replied that I didn't want to go to town for some fun with her. She stopped, thought, mmm-ed and said: But I've always taken the woman who lived here before you to town with me! She sounded like a child trying to figure things out and why I wouldn't work by the rules, so to speak. (Only my impression.) So, again, I said, no thank you, and she seemed to be baffled and a bit mad at me.

So back to fifteen minutes ago. I opened the door, she stood there, seemingly passive aggressive (sort-of shaking and her eyes said it all), stared at me and said: That is not a waste bin down there. And I was like: WTF? (I didn't say anything but thought about what she could possibly be talking about.) Then I said: What are you referring to? She hissed and got more aggressive (not actively yet) and said: Down there were you empty your stuff onto. And I was even more like: WTF??? So I said that I was living here which is exactly why I wouldn't put my garbage anywhere other than where it goes. I reiterated that I had no clue what she was talking about. Sadly, actually I thought I was illustrating how incredible I found what she was doing right there and then, I asked if she had seen me or taken a picture? Wow, that got her going.

She started to bombard me with aggression showering me with stuff she thought I had anything to do with. So I closed the door. Tried to. When she noticed the door closing on her, she held it tight and pushed it back in. Wow, that had got me going! I tore it open and warned her to immediately let go off the door. If she hadn't let go, I would have gone right to my phone and called the police. She let go off the door, just to move her hand over to my bell and left the finger on it for minutes straight! I went back into my living-room and put on my "I'm a lot more stubborn than you"-attitude. After maybe two minutes I decided that I wouldn't waste one more minute dealing with people like that and got up to get the phone to call the police. When I reached it, she stopped. Now I hear her moving her furniture around (or so it sounds).

Anyway, I have no clue what to do. I'm panicky, my whole body is shaking and I can't think straight. I keep thinking I'll have to leave this house tomorrow morning for work. How am I going to manage this? She has always seemed very aggressive to me. I think and have been thinking too that she would easily slap someone or worse. Once I witnessed her dealing with a colleague of hers where she works (eco supermarket) and boy, I wouldn't want to have to work with her. Ever since I had turned down "being taken to town for some fun" (I mean, hello???), she had not even said hi anymore around the house.

So, question is, what the hell do I do with that panic that just gripped me and squeezes me hard? I am on the verge of crying just from the shock. And from the shock that someone like this is once again around me and quite near too.

I hope it's needless to say that I really have no clue what that dumping "your stuff" (must be some garbage) was about. Nothing to do with me. Funny thing is she has garbage (old scale (broken), and other things in an open box in front of her door for months now. For two weeks of those months, she had a bag of bio garbage on top of it that smelled incredibly. Someone (not me) had put a newspaper on top of it and had written on it: "Take me out, I smell."

Figure that one. I'm angry and sad for something like this happening again. Can that never stop? How often do you have to move and start over and stuff? I'm done. I am so done. And when the bell rang I was so scared that the guy I was going to see for a date would be it. So, I was relieved for half a second before I realised it's that aggressive woman. I have no trouble leaving people who are aggressive, but what the heck am I supposed to do when people just choose me for getting rid of a problem they have with themselves???

 

[p-no]

BTW, I immediately send an e-mail to the tenant asking her to see to the lady from downstairs getting real about things.

 

[kers]

Wow, she sounds more than a little scary to me.

 

[Srain]

I'm glad you are being pro-active and I'm so sorry this happened to you. I have a neighbor that I've had issues with for years and finally had to take it to the next level due to his outbursts and aggression.

I would document her behaviour, complete with dates and time. I wouldn't hesitate to contact the police should she continue to act in this manner, this is for protection and perhaps they have a history on her and know of some family members that can help her to understand that this behaviour is not acceptable and it's unwanted.

It's very disturbing to have this sort of thing happen. I think you handled it well and I would remember that it was no doubt a stressful if not triggering situation but you are okay. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Take good care,
Rain

 

[The Albatross]

Reading your post, sort of freaked me out to... I was pretty much fine til you said you tried to close the door and she wouldn't let you or pushed back. That would give me a DID episode and peg out my anxiety level guaranteed.

Clearly the lady has a mental health issue diagnosed or otherwise. I think for good measure I'd call the non emergency city Police Department (or for me it would be the County Sherrif's line) and ask what my rights are, and what course of action I have if she wigs out again, and what their experience with people like this is, if they can share without breaking confidentiality so that the situation doesn't become more volitile than it may be already.

I had a neighbor across the street that disturbed me for a time. I noticed though that he would wait for my husband to leave the house and then he would be on my doorstep complaining about dogs barking and waking him up. Repeatedly I explained that ours were in until after 7 am (the county ordinance requirement) and that there were 2 of three other homes that had dogs... a total of 9 dogs in 3 households. Mine wear bark collars because a military neighbor works nights.

His demeanor was intimidating and he became more and more insistent and aggressive. When I finaly had the balls to blurt out, "I have to say, that I have nothing more to say to you on this matter, and I find it very disturbing that you wait for my husband to leave our home before you come over and do this... I will be glad to ask my husband to come over when he arrives home to your house and we will see if we can come into some agreement about this matter. Would that be satisfactory to you? Because continuing your behavior here with me when my husband is not home is not satisfactory to me. In fact this is the last time I will speak to you on this matter with the exception of visiting you at your home with my husband."

He backed down, didn't want to visit with my husband and settle the matter after he came home from work... and frankly, I never did figure out why the man was doing this repeatedly. What his problem was. But it did stop and after a few months I was able to put it all behind me and feel more secure again.

Hopefully now it wouldn't take me that long (a few months).

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My heart goes out to you. This is really scary and very triggering. Your anxiety must be through the roof. It sounds like she has something mentally wrong with her. I would refuse to answer the door if she comes over again. Albatross had some good ideas for you. Calling the police is a good idea. I know you do not want to start a war but she has serious issues. And you need to live in a place that is safe for you.

You do not happen to know if she has family living with her do you? This is really sacry stuff. You are in my prayers. I wish you the best of luck. Do not talk to her anymore. She sounds like she is suffering hallucinations and delusions. She needs medical attention. All you can do is ask for a home health check where they have to go out and check her out and mabe take her to a hospital.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this crazymaking and high drama situation. Big hugs. Let us know how it turns out ok?

 

[Hashi]

That's really awful, and I feel for you. I agree with the others, she does seem to have a mental health issue. You should not have to deal with it, and you should be able to feel safe and peaceful in your home.

Did I understand correctly - did you contact your landlady about it? If so, have you had any response yet?

I agree with Albatross's idea of taking advice from the police (without necessarily asking them to do anything at this point).

I don't know what policing is like where you are, but I wonder if it's possible to ask an officer to have a friendly word with her? At work I'm often the only one in our office building, and when I was getting trouble from people regularly at our entranceway, I asked a police officer to help out. I spoke to him first, and explained I didn't want it to make things escalate. He explained to them nicely that their behaviour wasn't appropriate and they needed to stop. The effect of the uniform was noticeable, but they weren't actually being challenged or threatened with anything. I think for them it was a reality check. (This was a neighbourhood police officer so he was used to dealing with people with a light touch - if you don't have this then it probably wouldn't be a good idea.)

As for leaving the house to go to work, it must be horrible to go anywhere near her, I really sympathise. I hope you don't even see her, but if you do then I hope everything is calm and nothing happens. I don't know if this would help at all, but I would try to imagine someone I know who'd be able to deal with the situation well (someone I know personally or because they're well known - so it could be someone on TV or my therapist or anyone). Then I'd think of how they'd deal with her, what they'd say, what action they'd take (if any), and try to think and act like them.

... the shock that someone like this is once again around me and quite near too...

I'm angry and sad for something like this happening again. Can that never stop? How often do you have to move and start over and stuff?

Want to send you so much sympathy for this. I'm also experiencing a repeating pattern with other people's behaviour. It's horrible and I feel that wherever I go, it goes with me. I have hope that I can get to a point where that no longer happens, hopefully very soon, and if it's OK with you I'll hold that hope for you too.

 

[nimkekaa]

I too think you should start documenting all times, dates and what happened. The police can give you advice but a written account is what they need.

I have a neighbour from hell next door to me. He steals plants from everyone in the neighbourhood, tries to con everyone he meets and the latest was when we caught him with binoculars into my daughter's window.

Up until the binocular incident the whole neighbourhood has mostly just ignored him and his behaviour because his wife is a very nice woman. But this time we called the police. There was an investigation and hints from the police that there have been similar complaints from other neighbours that don't know the family.

It sure is scary to have people like this in your own backyard. I hope you get some help with your situation.

 

[anthony]

Does she have a mental illness? Maybe ask the police if they have reports of her... as surely she wouldn't be doing it only to you if she does have a mental illness of some type, unknown to you.

 

[Red Feather]

Oh no, sounds horrible! Hope you get that settled. I would be freaking out too! Hugs (((Prime-No)))

 

[Mareah]

Prime-no I feel for you. I have had crazy neighbors before, but this woman sounds scary!!! I agree with the others(Do not open the door).

Its sad, when you are already stressed from ptsd, that other people have to make it worse. Maybe you should call the police, just too make sure she is not dangerous.

I will be praying for you(I hope that is ok?).

Wishing you Peace & Quiet.

 

[Whitneys story]

prime no, I would definately check with someone. It is such a touchy subject but she is invading your space. We had a similar situation with a person. Everyone was afraid to say anything.

When he snapped at 5 am no one expected his actions. We are all so fortunate. Be Safe and Smart, Hugs Whitney