Panicking Because Of Neighbor

[blackemerald1]

Prime-no, lock that door and never open it till you know it is not this woman. Do you have a security door for extra safety? If she does the ringing your bell to hell again. Call the Police, do not communicate with her, let her explain to a Police officer or two why she likes doing that. Your reason for not answering the bell is entirely your decision and I really think if she saw the Police go into your home for a 'visit', she may back off. In Australia you can get an Order from the Court prohibiting this woman from approaching you, intimidating you, and a number of other behaviours. It is very simple but you must document what has happened and any further incidents. Call or go to your local Police Station for a chat with an officer. Some Forces have domestic violence officers or Units who will guide you with your rights legally. You do not have to act on her legally, but it is a good idea to know where you stand, and having established a relationship with your local Police, they are more likely to act promptly if things get worse. Make no mistake, her behaviour was illegal, she intimidated you by the face to face you had with her and that is just not on.

I was living in a large boarding house for several months where I was the only female and there was 7 men, all mentally challenged in some way. There was one man who stalked me right from the start, exposing himself, threatening me, turning lights off around the parking area which led me to take a 4 metre fall backwards down stone steps and has ruined my back forever. He used to drink red wine, take some sort of medication, light up cigarettes and fall asleep in the common room on the lounge. I just kept reporting him to the landlord, incident after incident and eventually he was evicted, but not after he had sworn he would "get" me. I had to stay there, I was homeless before I moved into this boarding house and it sure was better than living in my car because all the refuges were full and rent on my own was impossible. My son and I moved a few months later. So, I think I understand how you are feeling.

Are you buying or renting because you can report this woman to your landlord if you are renting. Get a diary, or make a file on your computer if that suits you better. If the time comes, then you just hit print. Make sure you date any entries. Note down any strange things that happen around the place like the rubbish issue. Also, note down what you witnessed in the shop.

Obviously, someone else doesn't like her habits.(referring to rubbish incident) See if you can establish some kind of communication with other neighbour's without appearing you are on a witch hunt. They may be able to give you some insight into whether she has a mental illness and the possible depths she goes to with neighbour's. She could just be really anti-social and is trying to scare you out of your place. People do weird things and they do not have to have a mental illness to do them. It is sort of how weird she is willing to go that is the unknown.

It's uncanny you should have this happen. Only a few days ago my sister rang me because her neighbour was trying to scare her. He was poisoning her garden, put up surveillance cameras directed onto her property, cut a hole in the trellis she put up for privacy and numerous other incidents. After 10 years of odd things, my sister and family are selling up and moving. Neighbour vs. neighbour are very common unfortunately. The best you can do is keep safe, gather information and try to keep calm. I know this is hard to do, I am still trying to stop being hyper-vigilant from the intruder in my bedroom several weeks ago. I know just saying "stay calm" is stupid because there is the issue of the PTSD you are trying to control and good grief having a woman behaving like that certainly isn't any help at all. But, be aware, this woman's behaviour would at the least, unsettle a perfectly well person. So, don't belt yourself up or considering moving until you are very sure you cannot handle her behaviour. You really don't know if her 'old' neighbour used to make a habit of going anywhere with her. Ignoring her antic's may give her a clear idea that you are not going to be her 'victim'. Take care.
blackemerald1

 

[p-no]

Thank you to each and everyone for your replies. That has meant a lot to me to see I'm not alone in this.

I had not been in such an emotional place for a long, long time. The last three days (the first day because of my potential date that I had called off) were full of anxiety and panic. It's better today.

So, I sent that e-mail to the company that is responsible for everything regarding renting this apartment/condo. (I put "tenant" unfortunately, but meant "landlord", or in the case of Berlin, Germany, that's mostly companies that are paid for this service.) The lady responsible replied as early as 7:30 am the next work day which made me feel heard and seen, good thing. She asked for the name of the "crazy lady" -- I had obviously forgotten to put it. Interesting enough, she guessed the right name... and I confirmed. She wrote that "in order to take the appropriate steps" she needed the name. (Of course.) I liked that "in order to take the appropriate steps", so something will be done.

So, Monday I was at work. I was a wreck. The feelings were okay again, not down the drain, but (as oftent the case) I couldn't get my body to relax. If my body is as tense and "rolled up in fetus position" (figuratively speaking; everything is tight and movement is actually physically difficult), feelings of anxiety and panic can easily flare up, which they did. I was looking forward to going for lunch till I noticed another colleague would come, someone I don't feel good to be around. He came, we ate, and at a certain point I could not take it any longer, stood up and left without saying anything, but fairly vigorously, I should think. I was done, over and out.

Then I went for a longer walk and went back. From then, an incredibly tiredness hit me and I tried to make it through the day. Was also sweating but it was cold and I was cold too. When I came home, I decided to write an e-mail to my boss explaining things in short and saying I would stay home today. Did that. Now I am okay, a lot better, yet feeling fragile and if the crazy lade showed up, all good would go to hell.

No, I won't open the door again unless I hear someone say "It's the police.". And yes, I will document from now on. As to the police system in Germany: It's different than where you are (from what you have written), but I have also realized (thanks to your posts) that I should do a reality check with regard to approaching them explaining and seeing if there really isn't anything I could do, like if maybe they have changed the system and have become more aware of noticing and noting things, so that I can maybe get some advice and at least know they've heard this story.

I am sure she has a mental illness of some kind. I thought so the first time I saw her just because she seems to be shaking with aggressiveness all the time and she seems to have no empathy (and I mean "no"). It is always about her, she does not listen to the other and what they say (this is not the first time). When a year ago I turned down "being taken" to town (I was in pyjamas and had never met that woman), she had to really think for minutes because she could really not understand why I said no. She really didn't. Next time I met her, no more saying hi but instead a hurt child that didn't get the candy. Ever since then, whenever I passed her or she passed me, I was prepared for defending myself, just in case. And yes, others have had problems with her (that's what that newspaper proved to me as well).

The problem I have with her is that you can not reason with her. She is my age, she is my height, roughly my weight (all normal, rather small in size), she has a daughter (maybe 10-12 years old) and she can not be reasoned with. I tried before to talk to her, to have her see certain things (I mean, why would you expect a total stranger to spend time with you just because another stranger (the girl who lived in my apartment before me) went with her? She seems to be able to exchange people, thus seems to not realize that people are individuals. That is what scares me. And that is what triggers me re my mother. Just no empathy whatsoever.

So, now I'm a little bit worried how she will react with regard to those appropriate steps that will be taken by the landlord's company. I'll put my camera in place that can also record video and audio and will call the police next time she goes nuts.

BTW, I am going to move anyway, since I have been commuting 3 hours a day for half a year now. But I'm selling a house together with my 2 aunts and as soon as that is done, I'm gone. Hopefully still this year.

Thank you all for caring. Fingers crossed for no additional stuff tomorrow, since I'm planning to go back to work.

Keep safe, everyone.

 

[p-no]

Also, around a year ago, she came up and asked me whether "by any chance" "one of you" were an electrician... Well, I was only one and no, I'm not. I found that very strange that you should go ask if a person living above you is an electrician by any chance. What are the chances here? I said I was only one person (my apartment is exactly the size of hers and it's not even possible for two to live here, it's so small). That got her thinking for minutes (I am not exaggerating) until she said to me (seemingly because she couldn't find an answer to the thoughts in her head): but there are two names on the door. Yes, there were, I was just divorced, so I said so and that, again, resulted in minutes of thinking things through. Back then I thought it was just a bit odd, now I am not so sure.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

It definitely sounds like she has "issues". I've dealt with a lot of street people who have illnesses. I doubt it's personal you just happened to be handy. I do suggest you contact the local LEO on the non emergency number and relay what happened. Ask for a welfare check.

Sometimes someone mentally ill will act out because they don't know of any other way to get help. There may be voices in her head telling her things that make no sense to you or me. Often during an arrest the person who was ill would be answering questions I hadn't asked. Sometimes there is a huge deluge of information that the person can't filter. When you or I go into a room full of people who are talking we can filter out our friends voice and carry on a conversation. Imagine hearing all of the voices at once including the clock on the wall, the siren from the Ambulance going down the street, and the air conditioner in the next room.

She may be off her meds, having an insulin reaction, or she could be dehydrated. Either way it may be her way of asking for help. Let the police come talk to her. Maybe it's her way of getting back to the hospital for help.

 

[blackemerald1]

I hope when you get back to work you can settle and start concentrating on what you have to do. I can understand why you had to leave work that day and I hope your boss understood. Gosh you do a lot of time every day commuting, that must be exhausting just on its own.

Who knows what is wrong with this woman and even though it sounds heartless, you are not her care-giver or therapist, nor are you responsible for her getting help. You have not had an easy life and have your own, very serious issues to sort. It will be wonderful when you can move, maybe even buy your own home. You got a very prompt response from the company who own the building so it is good that you have done that. I hope she just leaves you alone but if she does not, and is not making sense please do not engage with her and get back inside and away from her. Then decide what to do next.
Stay well and safe.
blackemerald1

 

[Mareah]

Hi Prime-no,

I hope everything works out. I am glad your landlord knows that woman has a problem. I can relate to the work stress( I am not working right now but I am looking) when I had a full time job, I would be fine one minute (or I thought I was fine)and the next I would be shaking, sweating and feeling dizzy. It was really scary and my boss called the paramedics(I ask them not too) I really wish people would listen to me .

Anyway, I not on any meds right now because I have no health insurance. So If I find a job I am worried it will start all over again. Did you feel like you were trapped? I always feel that way when I have a attack, like I have to get away now!! Like my life is in danger. That makes me feel even more messed up.

I love this site, I felt so alone before, just knowing others have the same or similar problems help so much.

I wish we all did not have to suffer this way. But having others relate makes all the difference in the world.

Please keep us updated. I am praying for you everyday. Sending good thoughts your way.

 

[p-no]

Bill, thanks for your input. Maybe it is something like that, maybe it isn't. I think it's not my responsibility to make sure she gets help, but to keep myself safe (and sane).

I saw her daughter the day after it happened. Once again, she left a gift for her mother in front of her door. She looked lost, her mother wasn't there. She seems very shy and insecure, but is a beautiful and nice girl who can beam away. Today when I came home, again, a gift sat waiting there in front of the woman's door. I felt sad for her the other day; it's sad when you don't know where your mother is. Just saying because I spent probably a year all in all waiting for being able to enter my "home" when I was done school and she was wherever. (I am not implying it's the same with the woman; the girl does not live with her.)

I am going to check out what the police has to say.

 

[p-no]

blackemerald, thank you. "Agreed" to everything you said. :)

Thanks, Mareah (nice name!). I relate with you on the "I wish people would listen to me". I have that problem on planes... If only they listened, then we'd all have a lot less to worry about. :)

No, I don't feel trapped and I can not run either. It's difficult to explain but it sums up to strings being pulled inside of me leaving me crumpled physically. Oh, geez, I can't explain. It's like "running away" on the inside, but physically, not dissociating. Well, I really can't explain that better.

You're right about this site. I feel the same way. It's like a world I know.

Thank you for your prayers. I appreciate them, thank you. All the best to you, Mareah.
I am sorry you don't have health insurance. I can not imagine what that must be like. I hope that you will be able to change that soon so that you are covered and can get the help you need and want.

 

[blackemerald1]

prime-no what you described is IMHO a classic PTSD symptom, some sufferers feel it intensely, whilst others may just experience it mildly or not at all.

I do, my brain can be racing or, I feel kind of ok, but my body is doing a 6 hour marathon and I sweat, lose my balance, have heart palpitations, the good old fibromyalgia in my chest feels like someone has stabbed me and the pain spreads outwards and I get cramps across my chest up to under my chin. My breathing gets faster but I feel like I have no air. I feel heavy in my limbs. like I want to run but cannot. I have huge surges of adrenalin and my vision and ability to think clearly diminishes. My blood pressure drops to the floor and I am dizzy when I try and stand. My ears thump so loudly I cannot hear anyone talking to me in a normal voice.

Then there is the emotional and mental side which comes back hurtling me into years of incidents and stuff that caused my PTSD. My mind races and I am unable to calm down though I am not being hysterical outwardly, inwardly I am feeling out of control.

prime-no, you may experience any or all of these symptoms and even more.

I have been taken to hospital off a flight home because out of nowhere I experienced a panic attack. There was a medic on board who said my pulse was weak and fast and my blood pressure was through the floor. They thought I was having a heart attack, gave me oxygen from a cylinder and an ambulance was on standby when the plane landed. I repeatedly told them I had PTSD and was experiencing a panic attack but they would not listen. They kept asking me if I was suicidal??? Nor would they listen in hospital and after a few hours on the heart monitor, blood tests etc., etc., I booked myself out against their wishes. So, yeah I know people do not listen. Maybe the airline staff and the hospital had no choice because I was a mess and the symptoms were telling them something terrible was happening to me, (which it was, just not what they were thinking) but they just kept asking me questions but seemed dissatisfied with my answers. I begged them to call my doctor who has seen me in this state in and out of hospital but they would not. I have an alphabet of other symptoms besides what I have described.

After most of the symptoms subside, which can in some cases go on for days in an acute stage like the fibromyalgia, I am exhausted, and sobbing, praying and talking to myself to be released from this head and physical nightmare. My voice crackles because the fibromyalgia cramps my larynx and I have not eaten for days. Just water which seems to come straight out of my pores as soon as I do drink. My medications do not seem to work apart from the analgesia which does help to mute the pain.

I don't think doctors or medics get much training in PTSD, Panic Attacks or these kind or disorders. My sister has just finished everything to become a doctor and she said they only did one rotation of 3 months on the mental health ward and she did not know anything about PTSD when I asked her. She said to fully understand what these conditions can present themselves as, one has to select to specialise in becoming a Psychiatrist. So maybe its possible that health professionals and other services, such as airline staff, just do not know what PTSD is.

prime-no, I hope you begin to unravel that knot that you are in. I don't have any advice, I cannot handle my own, But I do know that what you are feeling is real and very scary and wrecks things and relationships. So do something good for yourself, something you really like. Or visit a friend or see if they can visit you. Sometimes I am so tight I have a massage and that really helps or buy a whole block of chocolate and watch a chick-flick. I don't know what you like but do something kind for yourself.
blackemerald1

 

[p-no]

Hi blackemerald1,

Thanks for sharing. I just replied and was almost done when all of a sudden for no apparent reason my keyboard wouldn’t work anymore, like zero. :banghead:

So, hope it’ll work this time…

I think it’s a bit different for me maybe. My t and I just talked about this and she said (I agree) that what I experience then is “complete giving up”, the whole system giving up, dropping dead. She said that in certain circumstances in life that really result in death, this means of dealing with things can be positive because it can help a person die more easily and less painfully (emotionally and physically speaking). In my case, she thinks that the “crazy lady” triggered me (yup) re my mother, ex-husband and child sexual abuse perpetrator. The odd thing was and is that I never dissociate, also I never leave reality in another way, meaning that I am there looking into the eyes of the “crazy lady” realizing she is who she is (and thus not my mother, ex-husband etc.). To be exact, I don’t have to make myself realize anything, it does happen automatically.

So, most of my emotional uproar subsided fast, but my body’s reaction did not. Usually what helps (also on a plane) is literally moving my body (all parts, arms, legs, head, etc.). I did that after she had been gone about ten minutes and my emotions where okay enough to focus on getting out of the state I was on. It almost worked, but I think I ended focussing and taking steps to get out too early, and went right back in. And that second time round was really started by my body. What I mean is that my t and I both think that my mind fast and easily sorted out that the lady wasn’t my mother and my ex-husband, and calmed down for this. But: When I was sexually abused first, I was around 1.5 years old. A person’s mind works differently at that age than it does as an adult, for example. So, I have memories of my child sexual abuse but they were non-verbal for a long time. They were mainly body memories, plus a few pictures. So, a little child can not sort stuff like this out in their minds if they don’t even have the word for “table” or “man” in their head as a word. So, I think that my reaction to the lady comes from my very early child sexual abuse, where I can not separate things (people from other people) mind-fully.

My t says you can manage the level of arousal, the extent, by a method that I don’t know the English for (we’re working on that now) and some EMDR. I personally think that I will not be able to learn to not trigger again (on that little child level), but I hope that maybe I can learn to have only 5 of my watchdogs act up instead of all of my 25. I used that image of the 25 watchdogs for illustrating my alarm system that often overreacts.

Re being left alone: I am sorry you had to experience that they didn’t believe you and therefore didn’t leave you. But I really think they couldn’t possibly do anything else but have you checked and admitted to hospital. If your body symptoms are that strong, they have to make sure you really don’t have a heart attack. I do hear you though re the being taken seriously. It’s good you found your own way to dealing with this. :tup:

Maybe it’s a bit like me flying. I do know and it’s okay that flight attendants react to me (or others) panicking. They have to. If ever anyone panics so much that they go nuts and try to tear open the door, everyone gets into danger. They are doing the right thing by not just believing me. I am aware of this. At the same time it is also true that we would all get to our goal faster, if they “just believed me”. But that they can not do, and I am glad they can not, because if somebody ever freaks out on a plane really badly, they should act before the door gets torn open. ;)

Some things we’ll just have to accept and find our own ways to deal with. :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Prime-no))) I just wanted to check on you and see how you are doing. What is going on with the crazy l lady/ I hope you have a solution that is working for you. You have been on my mind.
for years I had some crazy making neighbors and I was besides myself. I finally was forced to call the police and turn them in for their dogs.

They were terrorizing the whole street. But people were afraid to say or do anything for fear of escallation.
I remember the first day it was quiet on the street and I cried because that was the first time I had heard the birds singing in a long time.

It worked out and we resolved our differences. Webuilt a fence to seperate the properties and give us more privacy. She was a big gossip too. I really feel for you dealing with this lady. I am praying for you if that is ok. Big hugs.

 

[p-no]

Dear (((Gizmo))),

Thanks so much for checking on me. :)

I am sorry you had to go through that time of your neighbors terrorizing you. And I can very well relate to the crying for the birds.

I am doing okay re this. Last night I had a friend over and the day the crazy lady showed up she also got into a fit about me being to noisy. If you knew me, you'd see how ridiculous this is. Anyway, last night my friend was here and we were watching a movie and laughed out loud a couple of times. Then, I swear it sounded exactly like it, the lady downstairs danced by stumping around in the room below my living-room. It was like ten pm and she seemed to have a fit. See, I can not hear anything what's going on either in her place or in the apartment above me. The lady above has to use crutches and that you hear (at night). But never do you hear any tv or music although those have been on when I picked up a parcel or so. So, maybe the lady downstairs is just very, very sensitive. But that too is not my problem.

I don't feel happy here and I don't like the high alert I'm on when leaving my apartment. But I'm not in a state of fear anymore. I just find that in life in general, who needs something like this? I mean, really, don't we either have enough on our plates already and/or don't we want to spend life another way? Oh well.

I am glad I will be able to move in some time.

Again, thanks for caring, dear Gizmo. :inlove: I hope you are doing well.