Paranoid Pyschic?

[Megan]

Anyway, i am just paranoid these days that I can't go back to who i was. I am lost. I am completely lost. i don't know what i am going to do with my life in general. i feel like i'm struggling just to be alive. I am getting paranoid by the day because things don't improve. they are getting worse and worse.

And i think i'm psychic or just feeling really paranoid about coincidenses and gut feelings.

2002 - I wrote a poem about Shakespeare in class when we were (or at least the class was) discussing Hamlet. One of the lines included " but were the plays by his hand?" something very similar but questioning whether or not he wrote the plays... just as my imagination..
2011 - the movie "Anonymous" comes out... bout questioning whether the Shakespearian plays really written by shakespeare.

June 2007 - I was getting ready to go away to college and just signing up for my dorm... I had gut feeling that something really bad was going to happen so I asked my mom if i could get a single room.. she said no. (80% was gut feeling but 20% was wanting my own room because i had my own room for sooo long). So i had a room-mate...
September 11, 2007 - SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED that resulted in PTSD and having my own DORM room.. It was aggravating because i had that gut feeling.

Summer of 2010 - I wrote a letter to my cousin, just so she would get something in the mail other then bills (i know people don't like just getting bills in the mail)
FALL of 2010 - She decides to do a "pen palling/letter writing project" in school which resulted her winning $10,000 for her school and equipment. i wonder where she got the idea!?!

February 23, 2011 - The morning of February 23, 2011 i had a feeling like somebody died. like a war soldier had passed....
February 23, 2011 - The afternoon, I got a phone call from home stating my grandfather had passed away earlier that morning... My grandfather served in WWII as a coast guard...

i am getting sick of these coincidences......
it's not like one or two. it's many things.
i can't keep focused on anything any more.

 

[olaja]

Hi Megan - I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time of it. I wanted to reply to you because when I was your age (I am guessing you are early 20s from the time line you have posted...) I was similarly confused by a jumble of emotions layered with psychic experiences. By the time I was 30, I was a wreck, with so much information coming in to me, I was on overload most of the time, and felt I had a very light grasp on my sanity.

I wish someone had been there to help me sort through what was real and what was not. I feel strongly that grounding would be really helpful for you. Please try to not follow your "psychic" feelings - or what is called "magical thinking." The best thing to do with all that stuff is to let it roll off you, and stay here in the tangible present. (20 years of experience has taught me that!)

I have found when one is battling with mental issues, it is better to not add more unreality to the mix.

I hope I made sense. Hang in there!

 

[lost4awhile]

Megan-I'm sorry for the death of your grandfather and to hear you are having such a difficult time with life. It really does feel like everything just keeps getting worse at times. But, we cannot change what has already happened to us so we shouldn't give those bad things that have happened to us that much of current selves. Your post caught me a bit, as my boyfriend who died in 2004 loved Shakespere and we were reading Hamlet our senior year in 2003 also. A common read for high schools, I suppose.
Anyways, I was abused growing up and I think just waiting to really break when he passed away. After so many horrible things kept entering my life and then loosing my boyfriend I felt like I had finally died too. And the feeling lasted and lasted until a few years ago I started asking what is wrong with me and how can I be me again. Finally, I am starting to feel like I am picking up from that point and want to tell you that you CAN be yourself again. At least for me, it happens by thinking the way I used to think, all about perception. You always hear someone saying you must keep an open, positive mind, but if you are like me you don't really understand it totally or are capable of doing it. I know I own what has happened to me, but I stopped letting it affect me and by doing that I feel like the old me again. I look at my pain and my bad experiences as chapters that I can separate from who I am at this moment in time, even though I know they have shaped how I am, they don't have to own me. Deep down I know I am strong and capable of many things if I just try. I won't let what people or experiences have done to me dictate my life or how I feel. I know it's hard to focus, but if I think back it has always been. And even if I have to tell myself every second for the next 10 yrs.that everything will be fine, it eventually will because I will believe what I am saying. I think at moments the ptsd may own our thoughts and have us wondering who we are, but we come back eventually. I hope what I said brings some comfort.
And about the coincidences or pychicness, I think we are sensitive in nature than most and it leaves us having a heightened ability to percieve and sense. I have had many experiences and glimpses of the future, but I also did what you seem to be doing. I fixated on thinking I could prevent some things or know better before it happens and then thinking what will come next? I don't know if this is what you are doing, but I do know that we cannot control it. The most important thing is not to fixate on it(especially having ptsd) because we already feel like we don't have control and that has us thinking of the multiple possiblitities about things out of our control. The gut instinct is something we should always trust, but we need to keep our minds quiet as much as we can and when we do sense something to go with that instinct and not think twice about it. I hope I made sense, sorry for the rambling:) I'm functioning empty-stomached:)

 

[olaja]

Hello Megan, Just checking in on you. How are you doing today?

 

[anni]

Hi Megan,

I don't know. I think when these kinds of things happen, it's important to maybe take note of them and keep just liking yourself the way you are, you know? It's a really big universe, with an awful lot in it. We only actively use what, 10 percent of our brain, I think. Einstein, they surmise, used 15 although how anyone knows that I have no idea.That's a huge amount of unused energy, who knows what we're capable of. No one can tell me what we're not, anyway, since no one knows for a flat fact. I don't think any of the things which happened to you are wildy off-the-wall, or mean you're wierd, or should frighten you. I'm not quite sure what it is you're asking in your post, I just am replying because you seem upset by these occurances. With anything to do with this sort of thing, it is of course extremely tough to ascertain who really might be helpful by way of helping you know how to deal with this. There are a lot of kinda extreme 'types' one sees, I know, who would not be at all helpful. :)Neither would your basic science-based professional, since they would be disallowed from from discussing your problem given the perameters the models they trained under. The real ones exist, to be sure. It would be a kindness to yourself to consult with one, to perhaps give you some direction and peace, you know?

Hope you have some peace today, and take care,

Anni

 

[Emilie]

Hey there. If it gives you any piece of mind I have been through the very same thing. We are indeed very sensitive people. You have to be careful with "psychic thinking" though. You need to really introspect and evaluate what lead you to come to that conclusion. A rule of thumb I have is, It's usually just a message for me, and any hint of doubt leaves it to coincidence. Sometimes our subconscious can play tricks on us. Sometimes we just "know" things because our subconscious does all this work behind the scenes and then one big picture pops into the consciousness that appears magical, but really your brain did all the work ahead of time for you. "There's someone in my head, but it's not me" -Pink Floyd. I recommend the book "Incognito: The secret lives of our brain"

There is some mysticism still though behind how the brain works and does such things.; so if it were to bring you piece of mind of "knowing" I suggest you follow one of two paths. You can go the scientific route, or the spiritual route, to help guide you along in your thinking. I choose a combination of both but it's quite complex for me. What do I know though ;P just trying to help you out. The big key is to relax-- take what you like and leave the rest because nothing in life is "certain"

 

[anni]

That was extremely well said, and very true. Very balanced, which is what I was trying to get at, I think. The balance part. There is zero balance associated in discussions pertaining to this sort of thing across the board generally, which makes it terribly difficult to enter into one. Either 'science' is introduced in a dismissive ( hence counter-productive ) manner, which of course flattens the conversation or extremists on the 'other side' ( no pun intended ) will introduce jargon guaranteed to make others flee back to their own comfort zone. Who can blame them?

I've been labled a kook for other reasons, the reasons this forum exists, across the board in life. A lot. It's annoying, and would be even if I were one. I'm not, I have PTSD. You get really, really tired of being dismissed as a whole person with 'Kook'. It took a longggg time to speak up about this, even to GET annoyed and stop kind of agreeing with people, like 'Yep, yep, you're right, I'm so sorry, yep, you've got me, I'm a kook!'. B*llsh*t, man. I've begun not much caring across the board with paranormal things, too-tired of the kook crap. I sometimes know things I should not, have balanced why and how and am not a kook, as in intuition had zero to do with telling me Nana had died a few seconds before the phone rang Thanksgiving Day, 1972. It goes from there, that's all. I did not have an opinion much one way or the other about ghosts until moving to the UK and living in what turned out to be an extremely haunted old manor house. This gave me the opinion that yes, ghosts exist because I saw and heard and felt them with regularity. There are things one does not have to jump to conclusions with, or attempt to make oneself crazy explaining by way of some outlandish scientific explanation-some of those are wierder than allowing oneself to say 'Oh look, a ghost!'.

I think my point is, if someone has an inkling they might have some psychic tendencies, it's just plain ok to try to figure out whether or not they really do. Yes, it's very often out heads 'getting there' before we realize it has, which is important to know. Yes, sometimes it's cooincidence-in a massive world with so many events occuring every second this would be inevitable. Sometimes people are psychic to varying degrees, be kind of interesting to ascertain which it might be in the end, I think. At all events, it'd be lovely if the loaded implications were removed from this stuff-where 'psychic' and 'kook' were not synonymous. I KNOW I've quoted Kant before-he's kind of dreary as a whole but his Ding an Sich thing is wonderful. 'As something can not be proven, neither can it be disproven, but must remain forever a Ding an Sich, a thing in itself, and in its ultimate reality, unknowable'. Makes my head hurt this early in the morning but still- keep going back to the Ding. :)