Parenting with ptsd

[loui50]

Do you ever feel that your PTSD makes you a bad parent? I feel like my anxiety holds my kids back. We have no friends. We go out as a family and do things like the zoo, chuck e cheese and such almost every weekend. But never with other kids. My 6 year old has autism and I'm scared to take him in public alone because he use to run from me. Even though he doesn't run anymore. My 4 year old daughter is crying to have her little friend over and I can't bring myself to set up the play date because I don't want to socialize with the little girls mom. I know and like the little girls mom, I just isolate so much that I don't want to socialize. I want to play with my kids. But I never do. I never have the energy. I'm always so depressed that All I do is watch them play by themselves or with their dad. My little girl deserves to have her friend over. My son Deserves to play on the special needs baseball team. I feel like I suck as a parent. Can anyone sympathize? Does anyone have suggestions for getting over myself and giving my kids the life they deserve?

 

[ladee]

Not knowing you, not knowing your circumstances, not knowing if you are on meds or in therapy, it's hard to answer this question. Would you be comfortable giving more information.... Thanks

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Start small. Have the mom over for a short amount of pre-planned time. Like have an "appointment" lined up or naptime. I used to be very social prior to ptsd. Now I can only handle up to three hours before I need to isolate. You can tell the other mom that you are a very introverted person or shy. I find that people understand that sort of thing.

 

[loui50]

@ladee I do take meds. I take SSRI, Antipsychotic that is supposed boost the SSRI, and Valium. I take it as prescribed every day. I also see a T that is amazing. She told me I need to get out more and make friends and start taking my son in public alone. We've talked at great length about my parenting and she says I'm a tired burnt out Mom and that I'm doing fine. I'm still scared to actually do what she has suggested though. Is this just something I start doing and it eventually becomes more comfortable? I'm terrified, but my daughter just asked again, at 6am,if her friend can come over.

 

[loui50]

Start small. Have the mom over for a short amount of pre-planned time. Like have an "appointment" line...

Thanks TexCat. I think I might start with a public place like the park instead of my home. Then we can leave if it is too much??

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Once you know the other child's mom well enough, you could have just the friend come and trade off. I do realize they are a little young for that, though. My friend's son is autistic and honestly, spent most of his younger years without play groups. Most of his interactions were with extended family that understood his issues. He would come out with his mom and me and our two daughters that were friends as well. Autism can add just another layer of stress to a mom, you may want to find a support group for that.

 

[loui50]

Autism can add just another layer of stress to a mom, you may want to find a support group for that.

I have a online support group but just found an in person one last week. I went for the first time and almost cried. I will definitely go back. My son with Autism got invited to play at a bounce house place after early release on Monday. My gut reaction was NO. but my husband says I should take him and let him have fun with his friend. The good thing is my son goes to private school and they get out early this monday but the county kids will still be at school so the place shouldn't be too crowded. I"m thinking about taking him. I just have to get over my own anxxiety!!

 

[ladee]

Thank you for sharing more details... and just from reading you, I can tell, aside from your PTSD, you are a great mom... Bad moms don't care if their kids have friends or get to do things....
It is very hard...I gave an end of school party for my son after the first grade... The kids had a ball, my son was happy, but the other moms looked at me like I was a freak... or that was my impression... I was horribly uncomfortable the whole time, planning it, the whole thing... but he had fun and the other kids did too... they didn't know I was coming out of my skin.....
And wishing you lots of new contacts and support with the Real Life group !!!! What a great mom you are !!! You are searching for the right things for your kids..... we are here for you too ya know..... being a burned out mom is the worst. And @TexCat's suggestions are doable...

Never question your love for your kids, or your ability to do what you need to do... baby steps.... that's what gets us where we need to be...

Sending you lots of gentle hugs.... you can do this !!!

 

[loui50]

Thanks @ladee i am doing the best i know how, but i feel it isnt enough. Thank you for your support. I think i'll take my son to the jump place with his friend. It will be fun for him. This is the first friend he has ever talked about. She has autism too so her mom gets it. Hopefully i wont have an anxiety attack!!

 

[ladee]

I know how paralyzing it can be to be in public and afraid we are going to just smooth fall down from anxiety.... and telling yourself it isn't enough, maybe you can practice not saying that to yourself... it IS good enough... as you learn ways to calm yourself, or be put on possibly stronger meds , not saying meds alone are enough... we do have to learn how to manage ... but there are many things we can do to lessen the stress.... what methods do you use to calm down??? What kind of self talk do you use before leaving the house??
What do you do when you feel it coming on? Maybe we can help you come up with some more coping skills.... this is just a hard thing to deal with.... but what you are doing now, facing your fears, that is more than enough !!! Hope you end up having a great time... and hope your son enjoys himself....

 

[loui50]

what methods do you use to calm down???

This might sound silly, but i used to use a grounding technique with the 5 senses. My t said to always do taste last and always use peppermints because they help with focus. I did it for a while and now all i have to do is eat a peppermint and it calms me down. It is starting to lose effectiveness so i think i need to do the whole process some more to "recondition" the mint as calming. I've tried deep breathing but it is so obvious in public. I do need more coping mechanisms. If you have suggestions let me know, im all ears. I do tell myself everything will be okay, but i usually cant convince myself. Then it almost always turns out fine.

 

[ladee]

Not silly at all, many of us use this one... and if the peppermint is loosing it's 'power', you can always find another candy . But that is a great one... just keep doing what you know to do... so many people have anxiety disorders... not just us... just normal people... so it's not like we are rare tho many times we are misunderstood... I always tell myself, a 100 years from now, no one will care what I had to do to stay present..
One I do use, if I am really starting to feel like I'm out there, is to simply close my fists where my fingernails are touching the palm of my hand.. and push each finger into my palm quite firmly, not enough to hurt, but so that I can feel a definite pressure....one finger at a time.... they all sound silly to people who don't have this to deal with.... we don't care... we are trying to have a life here... so we do what we need to do.... you got this... and reaching out was a great thing to do... you are not alone....gentle hugs.